Avengers Endgame Review (Non-Spoiler)

"We're in the endgame now."
- Doctor Strange, Infinity War

Okay, let's make this short and sweet... unlike the runtime of Avengers Endgame, which is nearly 3 hours long, (pace your drinking habits).

First, let me repeat the common sense philosophy I said before: If you don't like superhero movies, this was not made for you. Especially if you haven't seen any of the other previous Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) movies in the last 11 years. Although an argument could be made that you don't have to watch ALL 21 movies. You might be able to watch 8 or 10 of them to get fully up to speed. At this point, it's essentially a career move.

However, if you have seen them, and you do love superhero movies, and find yourself emotionally invested in the fate of these characters, (as many of us are), I really think you'll appreciate Avengers Endgame. But just how much? Let's discuss...

The first thirty minutes weigh a bit heavy, as our heroes come to terms with their losses from Infinity War, (although having gone out in public, personally I often feel Thanos did nothing wrong). But once we get past that mourning period, we're treated to The Avengers Greatest Hits. Without giving anything away, there are lots of references and nods to some of the best moments from their past. Yes, you could call this the Avengers Awesome Mix Tape.. but with so much more!

The length of this movie is mostly justifiable, because there are so many story elements to process and resolve. Realistically, they could have trimmed some of it out, but along the way, we get lots of good laughs, some "F* YEAH!" cheer scenes... as well as some very sad conclusions. Combining all those things effectively is what this movie does right. It's quite the emotional roller coaster, and a beautiful ending to an epic story. 

"But Deeesher, is it really the end...??"

First, stop asking questions. The MCU has plenty of sequels already in production. This universe isn't going anywhere. But for me, they did tie up all the loose ends with a pretty bow. 

"But..."

I said stop asking questions! Okay, as much as I did enjoy this movie, you have to suspend disbelief a bit more than I normally like. Sure, I accept that an alien from space collects a bunch of colored stones to wipe out half the population of the universe. But I want my story telling to be a bit more linear in thinking. And we all knew there would be some time travel here, and unfortunately, that kind of thing tends to be a bit sketchy. Maybe they'll clear up some of those details in upcoming releases. I've already heard that the repercussions from this will change certain aspects of the existing time line. Ugh... 

Nitpicking aside, this didn't detract much from my enjoyment. Like the previous Avengers movies, no one character or performance stood out. Everyone did very well in their respective roles, although you could say Robert Downey Jr might have nudged out the others just a bit. But, with sooooooo many Avengers in the lineup, they focus primarily on 10 (or so) of the main characters. And if you have a favorite hero from any of the previous 21 movies, don't worry, you will see ALL of them doing some pretty cool stuff. There are plenty of beautiful hero shots that will bring a tear to your eye. 

Many of you know, in the past, I've had some misgivings with the Russo Brothers, who have directed a few previous MCU movies. Some scenes still seemed poorly lit (doesn't anyone in space have light bulbs??), and some of the action seemed a bit too close, but otherwise it looks like they got some of my notes (you're welcome!). In the end, this is how you make a movie that respects so many classic characters. This is what you get when the 'suits' listens to the fans!  

So, if I may channel my inner Stan Lee,

Excelsior!

Deeesher

Venom Review

Venom first appeared on another planet, when all the Marvel heroes and villains were gathered together to fight, in the twelve issue mini-series called Secret Wars (1984). 

At the time, it was just known as the 'black costume' that Spider-man discovered after ripping his regular Spidey-tights. It all seemed harmless enough, although there was the usual fan outcry hating the new look. When the limited series ended, and Spidey returned home, the plot thickened, as the costume seemed to slowly take over. Eventually, it bonded itself to Peter, and it really didn't want to let go. When he finally was able to literally pry it from his body, the alien blob slinked away only to find reporter Eddie Brock. The alien symbiote bonded with him, and called itself Venom... Marvel fanboys around the world squee'd with excitement. 

In 2007, super genius film director Sam Raimi was forced to include Venom in Spider-man 3. Yes, forced by Sony due to the popularity of the character. He really didn't want to do it... and it shows. The results were some of the most cringe-worthy moments in any comic book movie ever made. 

And now, in 2018, Sony releases a stand-alone Venom movie. Did they learn from their mistakes?

To clarify, while this movie is based on a Marvel comic book, it is NOT part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe of movies. Those movies are released through Disney. Venom is owned by Sony. So, there is zero connection between Venom and Thanos, or Avengers, or Captain America, or Iron Man, or Thor, or Ant-man, etc. It all has to do with copyrights that are equal parts confusing, and frustrating.

The popular opinion is to hate this movie, because how can you have Venom without Spider-man? So without the convoluted Secret Wars origin story, they simply went with the 'alien-life-form-brought-back-from-space' story, which was... acceptable. The 2007 movie used the same idea, as well as the original animated series, so it works based on that simple premise. 

I can't say I hated the movie, but there was still plenty to dislike. The most painful being the horrendous computer effects. To put it into perspective, The Abyss was one of the first movies to ever use CGI in 1989. There was a scene where they created a moving blob of water that looked pretty realistic. Thirty years ago, that scene looked far more realistic than any of the scenes with Venom. Did they not have a budget for the most important aspect of this movie, or did they just not care?

I'm also not a fan of Tom Hardy, who plays Eddie Brock. I don't see any charisma or personality in him whatsoever. You could replace him with a paper sack, and I would be as equally entertained. Although, in the 2007 version, we had Topher Grace, so... upgrade? 

I did however enjoy some of the banter between Brock and Venom. I might have even lol'd just a bit. Plus, if you overlook how bad the effects are, there are some good action moments... when the lens flare and smoke wasn't completely overpowering the scene.

When you compare Venom with the 2004 Halle Berry Catwoman movie, and the 2015 Fantastic Four reboot... it's not that bad! 

(Yes, you can use this quote for promotional purposes if you 'd like). 

If you're interested in seeing this, just lower your expectations, expect some bad effects and a few 'questionable' writing decisions, and you might like it. And if not, it's only ninety minutes long, so you won't lose too much time out of your life.

Deeesher

Avengers Infinity War Review

(Non Spoiler Review)
Wow...

Deeesher




Oh, you want more? Okay, let's put everything into perspective.

Ten years ago, Marvel had an idea to bring together a group of remarkable people, to see if they can become something more. It began with The Incredible Hulk and Iron Man in 2008. It continued with Captain America, and Thor, culminating into one awesome movie called Marvel's Avengers in 2012.

But they didn't stop there! That was only "Phase One".

They added a few sequels, plus other classic comic book characters to the line-up, from Doctor Strange, Ant-Man, Black Panther, Spider-man and eventually going into space to add my personal favorite, The Guardians of the Galaxy. Between the amazing cast, many genius directors, and of course epic writing, the real hero, Producer Kevin Feige, continued to understand what comic fans want from a super hero movie, with very few missteps.

So before going to see the newest Avengers movie, Infinity War, ask yourself these questions:

1. Do you like comic book/superhero movies?
2. Have you seen (and enjoyed) MOST of the Marvel movies from the last decade?

If you answer "no" to these questions... seriously, why the hell are you here???

I can only imagine you just wanted to read my goofy comments, because Infinity War is definitely NOT for you. It's a sequel, based on a long running series of movies. You don't necessarily have to watch them all to understand what's going on, but you should have some background into this universe before just blindly purchasing a ticket. And if this isn't your thing, that's fine. Please go see a Rom-com and stay out of my theater. I Feel Pretty is playing, or even Super Troopers 2, if you're into that sort of thing.

But for the rest of us... of course you'll love Infinity War!

It's not an exaggeration to call this movie 'epic'. Between the fantastic visuals featuring many different worlds, amazing characters, and and a well crafted story, Marvel Studios once again, gave us some impressive bang for our theater bucks.

Okay in fairness, I won't say this is the BEST Marvel movie ever. And going in, I did feel a bit 'meh' by the idea. There has been a lot of super hero movies in the last few years, and not all of them have been good. Some (misguided?) people are talking about "Super Hero Fatigue", because they can't imagine any need to make another one. To me, that's a ridiculous concept, because I'll always appreciate a new super hero movie. But I do think a lot of the marketing gets exhausting, and we are definitely getting unnecessarily overwhelmed by the hype. It would be easy for any studio to show one trailer 6 months before release date, without any other advertising, and they would still break box office records through word of nerd mouth.

And for myself, I've always preferred solo comic stories. Maybe a group ensemble is too much for my tiny brain to grasp. Even theatrically, I want one hero to focus on, because with so many characters, I can't imagine a director successfully telling a well balanced story.

But just as Joss Whedon did with the first two Avengers movies, the Russo Brothers figured out how to make a movie that fans could appreciate.

For the most part, they stuck with the Marvel formula, which admittedly consists of a LOT of CGI, and some jokes that felt a bit forced. Although I still did LOL a few times.

But if I can nitpick a moment, a few cosmetic things did bother me. And no, I'm not talking about Black Widow's blonde hair, (although that did feel somewhat irksome). I'm talking about the idea of Thor's short hair, and Captain America growing a beard. Are they turning into the same person??? They seem to be losing their identity.

And with Bucky's new beard, what happens if he decides to cut his hair?

I was also very underwhelmed with Hulk/Banner's involvement in the story. I've been a Hulk fan for many years, so I was disappointed with his portrayal. His particular story just didn't make any sense to me based on what I know of his character.

But everyone else seemed to be at the peak of their ability. Of course there were a lot of characters to follow, but the core of this movie was Thanos. Can I say Josh Brolin 'killed it'? We've seen him in the background for several previous movies, so it was great to see him finally step up and give quite a bit of depth to this character.

And one thing I normally look for in a movie, is heart. After ten years of getting to know these characters, plus many more decades of their legacy to appreciate, I can say there is plenty of things to get emotionally attached to. They've earned our love and respect. We do care about what happens to them. We genuinely care about who lives and who... dies.

Okay, not really a spoiler, because if you're familiar with the comic this is based on, you know some of the heroes die in this battle. I haven't read it (yet) but my extreme nerdy friends tell me there are some changes in the theatrical version, so don't go into this thinking you know what will happen. But also keep in mind, in the world of comic books, dead doesn't always mean dead.

However in the real world, there is one thing that could ultimately destroy Earth's Mightiest Heroes: Contract Negotiations. Some of the actors have chosen not to renew. Even though there are many sequels currently in production for the next few years, there could still be a few changes to the universe planned.

So for the most part, Infinity War is pretty awesome, and a lot of fun, but it's also the darkest in tone of all the Marvel movies.

"...But Deeesher, where does this rank with all the other Marvel movies???"
My friends and I are always trying to rate Marvel movies from favorite to least favorite since they began in 2008, so to help you understand things from my perspective, I'd like to present my personal ranking (my reviews clickable if I wrote one):

1. Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)
2. Avengers (2012)
3. Iron Man (2008)
4. Guardians of the Galaxy vol 2 (2017)
5. Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)
6. Captain America: Winter Soldier (2014)
7. Civil War (2016)
8. Infinity War (2018)
9. Ant-Man (2015)
10. Thor Ragnarok (2017)
11. Black Panther
12. Spider-Man Homecoming (2017)
13. Thor The Dark World (2013)
14. Avengers Age of Ultron (2015)
15. Doctor Strange (2016)
16. Iron Man 2 (2010)
17. The Incredible Hulk (2008) (my edit)
*DISCLAIMER - As a fan of the Hulk, I enjoyed this movie, however I felt there was some unnecessarily sappy moments. Many great scenes were also deleted that I would have kept. So I created a version that felt better in many ways. Although I still think Liv Tyler was a poor casting choice for Betty, my edit improved many other aspects of this movie.

18. Thor (2011)
19. Iron Man 3 (2013)

I seriously hope this is on the blu-ray as a deleted scene...

Deeesher

Wonder Woman Review

There are so many things I could say about women, and their portrayal in movies and television!  But as a guy, I'm extremely unqualified to write anything about it, and just barely smart enough to know that I shouldn't even try.

And I really can't say I'm an expert on Wonder Woman either, because I've never followed the comics.  But, I loved the Lynda Carter 1975-1979 series!  She's always been the perfect embodiment of what I felt Wonder Woman should be.  If you're interested, I recommend watching season two and three when the show was moved to a new network and took place in modern times. Even as a kid watching, I remember thinking the World War II stories in season one were cheesy. 

I'd also suggest the Justice League animated series from 2001 which often featured Wonder Woman, as well as her solo animated movie from 2009.  For a long time, I kept shouting, "Why don't they make a live action version of this!"  

But nobody ever listens to me.  Instead, we get:

Is it wrong for me to ask how this version of Wonder Woman... stacks up to others?   I have a feeling I will be apologizing a lot after writing this...

Traditionally, Wonder Woman was associated with World War II.  However, someone at DC/WB decided to move her origin story a bit further back to begin in World War I.  This way nobody would try to confuse/compare it with Marvel/Disney's Captain America: The First Avenger.  But in the world of 2017, I don't think people notice the difference.  It's still a war against Germans.

And the Amazon women on the island of Themyscira don't know the difference either, because they are hidden and completely isolated from the world of men (which could be for the best).  Until Steve Trevor (Chris Pine) shows up accidentally, bringing the war with him.  Typical. 

Yes, this is an origin story.  And as far as theatrical superhero/heroine origins go, this was awesome!  After so many misses from DC/WB, it's nice to finally see them do it right.  They created a fun and cohesive story that kept me entertained from beginning to end.  In my (simple) mind, I don't think they made a movie for women or for men.  They just made a movie that everyone could enjoy.  And if someone tries to tell you it's just a rip-off of Captain America... they're an idiot!  Other than fighting Germans in a war, there are soooo many differences.   

And yes, I know casting Gal Gadot as Diana was not anyone's first choice (or second... or third choice).  But she did fine.  I sort of accepted her accent since she was far removed from America.  I could even accept her physicality for the role.  I know prior to filming, she had been training hard to appear less frail, and it showed.  She had the intensity when needed, but remained feminine as well.  She also played a great fish out of water character, but still appeared emotionally invested during key moments.  I didn't see her (or anyone in the cast) delivering an Oscar winning performance, but none of the acting took me out of the movie either.  I did appreciate all the key characters.  Everyone in their final ensemble were well crafted and interesting, creating a lot of depth to the story.

But all hail the real Wonder Woman here:  Director Patty Jenkins.  I could see the action, and I loved her use of colors!  *gasp*  I don't think DC/WB has accepted color since Christopher Nolan banned them in Batman Begins from 2005.  To me, this has always been the biggest difference between the Marvel Cinematic Universe, and DC.  Marvel knew how to make things colorful.  DC seemed to film everything in mud... in the dark.  After seeing how well Wonder Woman worked visually, I sincerely hope that DC/WB producers can finally understand that sharp reds, blues, and well lit scenes will not terrify audiences.

And I know, a lot of people have said that Patty's use of slow motion during fight scenes was overused, and most likely stolen from Zack Snyder.  To this I say Bah!  I always loved the slow motion fights from Zack!  But I don't think she borrowed/stole this idea from him.  Maybe producers heavily suggested it to her, but I clearly remember watching awesome fight scenes on television from the Six Million Dollar Man, Bionic Woman, Incredible Hulk, AND Wonder Woman, where they often fought in slow motion.  Those were fun!  Okay, sure it's always nice if a movie has impressive fight choreography, but to me, I want to see the camera pulled back so I can watch it.  Sadly, too often you can't see it because the camera is so close, or the scene is edited too quickly.  If those are my options, I'll take slow mo any day.   

So yes, I was pleasantly surprised at how enjoyable Wonder Woman was.  Maybe if you're not into fantasy/comic book stories, this isn't really for you.  But if you are, it's a very well directed movie, with some interesting characters, while making some very powerful statements about war, and gender differences, without being preachy.

But I still think they created the worst theme song ever (which originated in Batman vs Superman).  That annoying guitar riff seemed a bit more buried in orchestration here, but it was still there, grinding painfully into my brain.  Maybe they should have let a woman create her theme song.

Okay, I think I've done enough mansplaining for now.

Deeesher

Star Wars The Force Awakens Review

I have never been more frightened to write a review in my entire life.  I think Disney could have saved millions of dollars on promotion by just releasing one trailer, and letting the Church of Star Wars fanboys/fangirls do the rest.  The indoctrination of the masses has reached epic brainwashing proportions, and it seems you can't even have a serious intellectual debate anymore.  Either you love everything about Star Wars, or you're an idiot, a loser and probably a bed wetter.  Actually, you can dislike Star Wars... as long as you're talking about the Prequels. 

But I'm not here to rehash my love of sci-fi/fantasy, imagination, creativity and respect for the mythos George Lucas created.  Nor am I here to talk about my utter disdain for J.J. Abrams as a director, as I did here, and here... and here.  I'm here to say that I finally found a theater that wasn't sold out, that had available parking, and post Christmas shopping stupidity to finally watch Star Wars Episode VII:  The Force Awakens.

The plot (non-spoiler):  It's Star Wars, thirty years after Return of the Jedi.

After watching with a very open mind, in my humble opinion (if I'm still allowed to have one), there were many elements I enjoyed!  And some parts... I didn't *ducks*  If you loved it, that's great!  I'm very happy for you!  But I want to be clear about why I didn't enjoy SOME of it, so I'd like to break down all the players (playas?) as clearly as I can, so I don't get beaten up by nerds/geeks for my lunch money.  And for the record, these are my opinions.  I'm not trying to jump on some bantha wagon of haters and I'm not trying to use any jedi mind tricks on anyone.  I can only hope you can understand my perspective.

The real hero of this movie is producer Kathleen Kennedy. I'm beginning to appreciate more and more how much influence a good or bad producer has on the final release.  Many years ago, an idiot producer named Rick McCallum played Yes-Man to every moronic idea from George Lucas and helped create three movies with very little substance but lots of pretty effects.  Today, we call them Prequels.  Another director I used to love, Zack Snyder, was guided to make the horrible appearance of Man of Steel.  Then you have Kevin Feige, who is the super genius that produced some of the greatest Marvel movies ever, (Iron Man, Guardians of the Galaxy, Avengers, etc).  And Gary Kurtz, the original producer of Star Wars A New Hope, helped prove there is good in Lucas after all.  Ironically, Rick McCallum was producer of the Special Edition.

Kathleen Kennedy's credits include the original Poltergeist, Gremlins, Back to the Future, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, Jurassic Park, and many more.  And maybe they can't all be winners, *COUGH*indianajonesandthecrystalskull*COUGH*, but she definitely has proven she knows how to oversee and guide a project to create a fantastic film.  So, credit where credit is due... She helped reign in director J.J. Abrams, because it doesn't look like his typical style.  Maybe she helped him understand what a real color palette is, and convinced him not to use the shaky cam, and finally helped him recover from his lens flare addiction.  Or maybe they had many important meetings after reading my blogs.

Either way, giving proper credit, Abrams made a lot of fun ship battles.  There were some great moments watching the Millennium Falcon and X-Wings flying around.  And I have said in the past, he knows how to make ships look cool as he did in his version of Star Trek.  So for the most part, visually, surprisingly, it works.

Now let's talk story...

The credits list Lawrence Kasdan, J.J. Abrams, and Michael Arndt.  I want to know exactly who wrote what for this movie.  I have a lot of respect for Kasdan for writing the screenplay for Raiders of the Lost Ark, Empire Strikes Back, and Return of the Jedi.  I respect Arndt for writing Oblivion... but that's about it.  Abrams helped create/wrote for Lost and Fringe, which are two shows I kind of liked... sometimes.  So I want to know what each person added to The Force Awakens, because honestly... the writing was just okay. 

There were some nice ideas, but for the most part, the plot was very thin, and a re-hash of everything we saw in A New Hope.  And I'm pretty sure they pulled the Devil/Super-Devil scene from Family guy, ("This here's your Death Star.  And this is the Super Death Star.").  Sure we get some interesting new characters that have a lot of potential, and there were some nice lines of dialogue... but some eye rolling lines of dialogue as well.  It does have a decent sense of humor, and lots of fun action sequences, but almost no backstory that gives any motivation and help us understand exactly what's going on and why.

"Oh Deeesher, you're such a hater and total idiot!!  Everything will be explained later!".  And that's fine, you moronic lump of clay but I prefer my movies to be reasonably self contained.  I don't mind ending on a cliff hanger, and I don't mind wondering about certain aspects of a movie.  I don't need everything spoon-fed to me, but I think there were plenty of missed opportunities to give us a solid foundation of characters and situations that we could clearly understand and care about much more. 

For example, think about Luke Skywalker in the original Star Wars Ep. IV.  Between worrying if he could get to Tosche Station or not, whether his uncle would ground him forever for losing a droid, hoping he gets enough blue milk in his diet, and wondering if he can ever get off this sandy rock to have some excitement in his life as he stared into the beautiful twin sunsets of Tatooine against the powerful John Williams score, we really cared about Luke!  We wanted him to get the girl, and we were eager for him to learn more about The Force. 

This is the basis of a hero's journey!  How about Guardians of the Galaxy?  As a young boy, we see Peter Quill's mother die and suddenly he's taken away and in that very short scene, we choke back the tears as we instantly care about what happens to this character.  Steve Rogers from Captain America, was a little guy who got beat up all the time and did all he could to save everyone including jumping on a grenade, even though he didn't know it was a dud, long before he ever got his super powers.  Or how about the 1978 Incredible Hulk TV series, where in the first 5 minutes, Banner dreams of his wife and their wonderful marriage, and her sudden death as he wakes up in bed alone.  THOSE are powerful moments in character development! 

Now in Ep. VII, we get Rey and Finn, who make very sudden rash decisions based on... what???   Someone suddenly getting a conscience for no apparent reason, isn't quite enough for me to care about what happens to them.  Someone living alone on Not-Tatooine, collecting junk for muffin powder, isn't really pulling at my heartstrings much.  I care just enough to keep watching, but I'm not really emotionally invested in them like I should be.  As it was, in my theater, there were moments of lol, but nobody cheered, because there was no real attachment to these people.  The entire movie is set up for sequels, which I think is just poor writing.  A New Hope is awesome, because we care about what happens to those characters, and we don't need to see the other movies to understand it.

The acting was good and the new cast did a great job, but the older classic characters felt out of place.  It was as if older people were just pretending to be Han Solo and Leia.  Ironically, Chewbacca and C3PO still felt like Chewbacca and C3PO.  I think we could have had a movie that focused on the legacy of those classic characters, without actually seeing them.   The galaxy is a big place, and with the Force, lightsabers, X-wings, TIE Fighters, and even the Millennium Falcon, there was enough to help us understand and accept this as a continuation of the story.

So, sure it was enjoyable, but it didn't feel like THE GREATEST MOVIE IN THE HISTORY OF ALL MANKIND!!!  It felt like a way overly hyped fan film.  It just didn't make me feel like I was eight years old again.  I have plenty of other movies and TV shows that do that.  If I had to rate it, if Slave Leia is a perfect score, and Jar Jar is the lowest, I would give this an IG-88.  Sure he looks cool and plenty of details to examine, but he didn't really do much and we don't know anything about him, (assuming Disney destroyed all canon regarding him as well). 

And for all you idiots that think I'm not open minded enough to see this objectively, I will remind the members of the jury how I was really excited about the new Star Trek movies, and I was disappointed, and how I really didn't think Avengers would work, but I loved it, (read all about it here).

And now, since it seems I have failed in my teachings... I will go into hiding for thirty years.  If you need me, I'll leave a partial map in my droid.


Deeesher

Why I Hate Star Wars

Okay, I'll confess to a bit of click bait with this title, because I don't hate Star Wars.  The fact is, I want to love it!  But in my professional opinion, there is definitely a great disturbance in the force.  Sadly it seems, most eager fanboys/girls are too weak minded to see the Jedi mind tricks being used on us. 

"...omg omg omg look it's an X-Wing!!"
"...Look, it's Han Solo.... *squeeeeeee*!!"
"...I feel like I'm 8 years old again!!"
 *le sigh*

In the interest of full disclosure, I really enjoy my sci-fi (shocking, I know).  Since I was a wee little nerdling, I have loved things filled with imagination, and creativity and always look for something exciting and different and maybe even inspiring.  That's just how my brain works.  So long ago, it was easy for me to jump on the Star Wars bantha wagon with everyone else, collecting way too many toys and action figures and cards and bed sheets and toothbrushes and mugs and props and.... you get the idea.

What made Star Wars fun for me, was that it was new and different.  George Lucas invented a universe of great characters, places, and an exciting mythology that helped us easily forget about the real world.  And once that template was created, it opened up millions of possibilities.

But with such a vast universe to choose from, can all the stories be great?  I think the Prequels clearly answered that question.   There are definitely plenty of trash compactors trying to crush the life out of you in a galaxy far, far away.

"Oh Deeesher, you're just a hater and jaded by the prequels too much...!"
Untrue, my young Padawan.  There are a few aspects about the Prequels I liked!  I think Lucas could have created a great series from them, but sadly he had too many Yes-men blindly loving everything he did *COUGH*rickmccallum*COUGH*

When Lucas first began writing The Star Wars in 1974, the script went through many re-writes until he fine tuned it into something epic for the 1977 release.  During filming and editing, he was constantly being pushed, and everything was on a budget and producers were wheezing menacingly down his neck through a thick dark breath mask.

Then in 1999, when it came time for the prequels, Lucas quite literally owned the galaxy.  He essentially became Emperor and could do what he wanted at his own leisurely pace.  He had producers throwing millions of dollars at him saying we can make this bigger and put more and MORE AND MORE things on the screen so it will look like the most amazing thing ever made!  But they forgot to put any heart and soul into it.  Nobody ever said to George, they have a bad feeling about this.  Nobody ever seemed to suggest that he was going to... The Dark Side.

And now, many years later, after so many painful memories of the Prequels.... there has been an awakening.

Suddenly, Lucas the Hutt sold the entire franchise to Disney.  And honestly, this didn't bother me.  No, really.  I was okay with that, because I know Disney movies can be fun!  Between the original Pirates of the Caribbean, and more recently the Marvel movies, like Avengers, Guardians of the Galaxy, or Captain America.  And going back even further to Tron, The Black Hole, and Dragonslayer.  Disney might give Star Wars the breath of life it needed. 

But that was before the dark times...

Many years before the Disney deal, Lucasfilm officially announced there would never be another Star Wars movie.  So at that time, the Expanded Universe featured in the books and comics were officially canon.  In those days, many die-hard fans knew exactly what happened to Luke, Leia, Han, and even their children.

But with the announcement of a new movie, Disney suddenly created a new fate for those characters, and wiped out the EU stories... all of them.  So every one in the Expanded Universe suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.  I'll miss you most of all Mara Jade!

Then they said the new movie would be based on an outline originally conceived by Lucas himself.  Again, I had very mixed feelings about this.  But I was curious and open minded.

But their journey to the dark side was complete when they hired a director... J.J. Abrams.

There are so many great directors in the world.  But I honestly don't think Abrams is one of them.  And for the record, I'm not just talking about the lens flares.  I'm mostly talking about shaky cams during action sequences.  I'm talking about the bland color palettes he often uses.  I'm talking about how he can't seem to properly light a scene.  I'm talking about how many apologies he has made for his directing in the past, (such as gratuitous shot of Alice Eve in bra and panties, lens flares, trying to keep Khan storyline a secret etc).  I'm also talking about how one nerdy fanboy shouldn't oversee Star Wars AND Star Trek.  I wrote about it here if you're interested in reading about that kind of thing. 

But the one thing that makes me feel Sith to my stomach, is how nauseatingly obsessed everyone has become!  Sure Star Wars was popular after it's original release, but that was a more civilized age.  Some people rolled their eyes at my fanboy-ism, and that was okay!  But now, it seems every 30 seconds, there is another Star Wars reference somewhere.  From every commercial on TV/YouTube, every constant fan theory, meme, viral video and salivating fanboy/girl telling everyone how this is the most awesome movie in the world, before they've even seen it... how can I escape to a galaxy far, far away, if the real world is covered in Star Wars?  How can I continue liking something, when everyone is shoving it down my throat and telling me how great it is?  I feel as if I'm drowning in Star Wars. 

And therein lies the basis of my hate.

1.  Re-hashing old characters that should remain young and epic in our memories.
2.  Deleting unique Expanded Universe characters and stories we loved.
3.  Hiring a sub-par director.
4.  Cramming more and MORE AND MORE Star Wars in our face so we can't breathe.
5.  Millions of overly obsessed fans gulping down every drop like it's blue milk meth.
...it feels more like a painful obligation.  It's suddenly stopped being fun and unique.

But there is good in it.... I have felt it.

There is so much potential in this modern mythology, I'm always eager to see something new from this franchise.  We have such a huge galaxy to explore, and I can't understand why everyone is so focused on the same characters ad nauseam.

Like what you might ask?  Perfect examples are here:



Or, how about this:



Holy crap that looks freakin' AWESOME!!!  I want to know more!  I want to learn about these characters and this story!  If you didn't know, this was the BioWare game, Kights of the Republic.  You get a lot of unique interesting stories and characters, all taking place hundreds of years before Luke Skywalker was ever born.

And if you do love the original trilogy and want to relive those moments, listen to the radio show.  Hearing so much new and impressive details recreated through only sound, really makes me smiles:



And for the record, I wasn't a fan of the animation on Clone Wars the series, but the stories just got better and better!  It's all available on Netflix now, and I highly recommend watching.  It gives you depth and detail to the characters and events that Lucas could never show in the Prequels, with some fantastic action!

But honestly, if you need Star Wars to feel like you're 8 years old again... you're doing something wrong.  I have had many of those moments in the last few years watching some movies and television shows.  Specifically, Guardians of the Galaxy, Avengers, The Flash, Doctor Who, Iron Man, Captain America, Tron Legacy, Ant-Man, Spider-man (the first two Tobey Maguire versions), Ash vs. Evil Dead... well, maybe not that last one so much.  But still VERY FREAKIN' COOL!!

So I'm sorry if I'm the one rolling my eyes by your seemingly single-minded over-obsession.  I was there many years ago, but I've moved on with my life.  I'll watch the new movie, but I'm keeping an open mind.  And for those of you that think I can't be objective, I say HA! to you, because I expected Joss Whedon to fail at making Avengers!  I was pleasantly surprised and I wrote all about it here.  But it's never easy to love something that makes me feel like I'm being brainwashed to enjoy it.

Now let's all take a moment and study other important aspects of this franchise....

*le sigh*
Deeesher

What's On TV 2015 Edition

People often say I need a life.  Ha!  I have too many lives!  Some of you may call them "fictional" because they are in the form of television, or movies, or video games, or (on rare occasions) you might call it a book.  Yes, books, because I can't completely subscribe to the immortal words of Dr. Egon Spengler who said that, "Print is dead".   

But for now, let's focus on television.  And to be clear, there is a LOT of crap on TV, so I try to choose my shows carefully.  At times, I still get wrapped into some stupidity, but if I'm going to be sitting and staring for an hour, I expect to be entertained.  So for the most part, I look for something with a bit of creativity and imagination.  This is quite a challenge, in a world filled with reality *cough* TV and faux news.  And considering how moronic most Hollywood producers seem to be, I have my work cut out for me.

Please note, the opinions listed here are not necessarily good... but they are mine.  I took some time to dissect my views and post them as clearly as my tiny brain allows.  So if you disagree and have a different opinion, I would love to hear it!  Just as long as your rebuttal consists of well formed thoughts and intelligently strung together brain cells.    

Heroes Reborn

Have you ever tried to re-animate a dead body?  It's never easy to do, but if you are successful, they never seem quite right.  Sure they may look and act like your loved one, but they're just wrong somehow.  Like they have no soul.  This is exactly how I feel about Heroes Reborn.  

I really loved season one of the original 2006 Heroes!  There are so many great moments of character development, and beautiful visual moments, and fantastic storytelling!  But then the writers strike in season two caused a painful downward spiral, until, like a coma patient, it was just time to pull the plug.  

And now, in some weird Faustian deal that us mere mortals can never begin to understand, creator of the series Tim Kring managed to revive the show.  I can give you a huge list of shows that should be brought back from the dead.  But Heroes Reborn seems to prove, this may not be such a good idea.

I'll continue watching (for some perverse reason that may make me part of the problem), but none of the characters feel so interesting.  It's lost that spark of life that made it so exciting in 2006.  The story feels as if it's floundering directionless, like a shambling zombie in search of brains.  I will say, visually it looks decent enough, which brings me to...  

Limitless

In 2011, Bradley Cooper starred in one of my favorite underrated sci-fi movies called Limitless.  Originally based on a book called The Dark Fields by Alan Glynn, this was about a total loser that finds some pills that makes him super-smart for a certain length of time.  It was a great story, and a lot of fun, and director Neil Burger made it look phenomenal.    

Now we have a sort of sequel for TV, and it's close.  But is it the same?  Meh...  One of the biggest problems I have, is director Marc Webb, who made the not so Amazing Spider-Man movie in 2012, and the horrendous Amazing Spider-Man 2 from 2014.  When our non-Bradley Cooper hero is on this pill, we get a painful visual switch from the generic blue filter wash, to the amber filter wash.  This is not nearly the same effect as the movie.  Dare I say, the transition on TV just seems a bit... lame.  Some of the other visual moments are interesting as he thinks through problems, but this series has two other major strikes against  it:  1.) The producer, Roberto Orci is a clueless idiot.  2.) The series is on CBS... the same network that gave us the worst version of Sherlock Holmes ever made.  Don't agree?  Watch the CBS show Elementary, then Robert Downey Jr.'s version of Sherlock Holmes, then BBC's Sherlock, and tell me again how good CBS's version is.  Do not get fooled or distracted by Lucy Liu's appearance!

Speaking of movies suddenly made into sequel-ish television series... 

Minority Report

Based on a 2002 Tom Cruise movie, directed by Steven Spielberg adapted from a Philip K. Dick short story, Minority Report is another surprise television version sequel we never expected.  

Way back in 2013, there was a great show on Fox called Almost Human.  That show was set in the year 2048, and featured Karl Urban as a cop who is reluctantly partnered with an android to fight crime.  I LOVED that show!  It was cancelled after one season.  Sleepy Hollow, also on Fox, just began it's third season and I'm pretty happy about that.  It features Ichabod Crane, who was resurrected after sleeping over two centuries, and secretly hooks up with a female cop to fight against supernatural entities.

Minority Report the series, is set in the year 2065, and would be what you get if those two shows had a baby.

 
I'm kind of enjoying this show.  It gives us a unique view of the future like Almost Human did, and it's written well.  It looks great and is a lot of fun.  However, since it's on Fox, I'll be surprised if it lasts more than one season *le sigh*

Last Man on Earth

I started watching out of curiosity, and season two just began.  It is fun!  Not much to say about it really.  Imagine a complete idiot being the last man on earth (more or less).  It's a short waste of time and I giggle occasionally, but it also has some heart too.  So, there ya go.  

The Muppets

Possibly one of the most controversial shows on television today.  Why is it controversial?  Because people can't accept "adult" oriented Muppets, (not 'adult' like that!).  In order for this show to be successful, they had to evolve in some way with their audience.  I think they did it well, but many people feel strange if they make sex or drug references.  Those innuendos are rare, but they happen and it isn't so adult that your kids shouldn't watch.  Your kids can enjoy the silliness and you can catch more of the hidden jokes easily, so it really is a win-win.  The first episode seemed a bit serious and focused more on the dramatic relationship issues between Kermit and Miss Piggy, but if they can steer away from those elements and stick to being fun, I think they'll do well.  I lol often.  

Scream Queens

YES!!  If you love horror movies, Jamie Lee Curtis, and hate sorority bitches, you will enjoy Scream Queens.  The characters and writing is so over the top, it's just outright fun.  But there is still a great horror mystery whodunit as well.  I really hope this sticks around for a long time.  

Fear the Walking Dead

I barely accept The Walking Dead, because there hasn't been any forward progress in this series since it began.  If this had been on regular television and not AMC, they would have been cancelled after the painfully disgusting season two.  But The Walking Dead endures... somehow.  

And now they have a spin-off... WTF TWD??? 

I hoped Fear would show us some insight in how the zombie virus began.  Instead we get a lame family with zero personality, who I really don't care about, and barely any zombies (aka walkers, aka biters).  My biggest fear of Fear the Walking Dead, is someone will give them approval to make season two.  

Better Call Saul

YES!!!  x2.  One of my favorite shows ever (Breaking Bad) got a spin-off for one of my favorite characters ever.  We get to see the origin story of Saul Goodman, (still brilliantly played by Bob Odenkirk).  Soooooo good!  It feels like a comfy new version of Breaking Bad, without all the pesky blue meth.  Visually beautiful, and so well written.  I love you with all my heart Vince Gilligan!

Fargo

YES!!!  x3.  Season two is coming very soon.  I loved season one, and ironically, I was not a big fan of the original movie.  Another brilliant case of writing, directing, and acting that made this show one of my favorites. 

American Horror Story: Hotel

YES!!! x4.  

Official ranking:

Season one = blah.  

Season two Asylum = good.  

Season three Coven = good.  

Season four Freak Show = blah.  

After seeing the first episode of Hotel, I LOVE IT!  This is why I say movies and television really are a visual art form that few take advantage of.  Episode one was was soooooo pretty!  The OCD in me was soothed with all the perfect symmetry, and so many scenes were just really impressive looking.  I'm also curious about the stories involved, so I'm eager to see what happens here.   

Okay, I know this seems like a lot, but keep in mind, most of these shows are on a break for six months out of the year.  For example, BBC's Sherlock season one, had only three episodes airing in October of 2010.  Season two began, with three more episodes in May 2012  Of course that is an extreme example, but for most shows, it's fairly easy to binge watch and catch up with four or five of them in one afternoon.

And for all you idiots that say I hate everything, I only listed the most recent highlights.  Also falling into the YES!!! department are:  Game of Thrones, Penny Dreadful, BBC's Sherlock, Doctor Who, The Flash, and 12 Monkeys. 

Honorable mentions that I mostly like:  Dark Matter (if you can overlook the obvious and heavy Firefly influences), Killjoys (omg Hannah John-Kamen is so freakin' hot!!), Supernatural (which went from meh, to awesome!!  to... is this show still on??), and From Dusk Till Dawn (ironically, not a big fan of the original movie, but I loved Clooney, Tarantino and duh... Salma Hayek from it.  The remake is a cheap imitation but not bad). 

Falling into the "I'm just not feelin' it anymore" category:  The Strain and Grimm. 

You might notice, I did not mention Agents of SHIELD.  As a huge Marvel Movie fan, I have some legal obligation to continue watching.  But the writing has been all over the place.  Sometimes bad, sometimes acceptable.  But their biggest crime against humanity is the look of the show, with their heavy dark filters on nearly every scene.  Doesn't anyone know where a light switch is??  Your not Batman!  

 And finally... speaking of Marvel:  Daredevil season one (all available on Netflix), was awesome!!  Now let's talk about the upcoming Jessica Jones...



Okay, maybe I do need a life,
Deeesher

Guardians of the Galaxy Review

The year was 1968.  The first ATM machine was installed in the US, the first Big Mac was sold, and 911 was invented (all totally unrelated... probably). And Marvel Comics, who had only recently brought you The Incredible Hulk, Spider-man, Fantastic Four and X-Men, decided to create a sci-fi story set in the year 3007.  It revolved around a group of unusual heroes from different planets, gathering together to battle the evil race of lizard creatures who had taken over their home worlds.  It was called, Guardians of the Galaxy!

And it has very little to do with the 2014 Marvel movie release of the same name!

I know what you're saying, "WTF, Deeesher?!?"  First, watch your language.  And second, Marvel created a huge universe of characters, and sometimes over the years... things change.  The movie is more closely related to the 2008 Marvel comic, called Guardians of the Galaxy (vol. 2).

If you're into "reading", like some of the kids do today, this book really is a lot of fun, with great unique characters and interesting storylines.  And in the tradition of Marvel comic book movies, (not to be confused with Sony, Fox, OR especially Warner Bros. comic book movies), they nailed it again! 

Imagine being eight years old, and your life on modern day planet earth sucks.  Then suddenly aliens kidnap you, take you to space, and you get to grow up and essentially become Han Solo.  You get to fly around in spaceships, meet strange aliens and visit different planets.  That's the life of Peter Quill, aka Star-Lord.  Cast perfectly by the actor who was born to play him, Chris Pratt.

Not enough fun for you?  I could go on about how awesome and unique the entire cast of characters are, but I would just be rambling (more than I normally do).  Maybe I should talk about what a great sense of humor the movie has, but still knows when to be serious.  Maybe I should say something about how solid the story is, and how well it connects with everything else in the Marvel universe, both movies and comics.  And yes, it does have connections to other Marvel movies as well as hidden easter eggs from the comics and movies that I am eager to freeze frame.  And to be clear, some things are a bit different from the comic, but I have always said, if you are going to change something from the source material, make it a good change... and it is.

I could also talk about what a great job director James Gunn did, creating a beautiful galaxy you want to explore and live in.  I could say things about how the action scenes are well shot and you can see what's happening *gasp*!

If I wanted to say anything bad about this movie, I don't think I could.  BUT... if I want to be nitpicky, as beautifully as it was created, there were no visually over the top moments.  For example, in a movie like Avengers, we have a few great scenes that Joss Whedon created that felt epic.  James Gunn did a fantastic job, and Knowhere, for example, looked amazing!  But... I don't know.  Maybe I should just shut up now.

Many people have compared this movie to the feelings they had seeing the original Star Wars: A New Hope.  I can easily agree with this comparison, especially since I don't see JJ Abrams doing anything with that franchise to impress me!  This is the type of movie that can be made when they have respect for the fans and source material.  So please, promote good things, (since it seems too rare these days), and go see Guardians of the Galaxy!

Then we can have conversations about who is hotter, Gamora (Zoe Saldana) or  Nebula (Karen Gillan)

Deeesher

Captain America 2 Review

I used to read a lot of comic books.  Maybe too many.  Eventually, with the pesky responsibilities of work and 'life', I couldn't keep up and stopped reading altogether.  Which is really a shame, since the stories and visuals in comics are way better than many things on TV or in theaters (the secret is creativity).  But with everything I read, I never cared about Captain America.  I knew very little about him, except he was maybe overly patriotic, and something about being frozen from World War II, and he had a shield.  Whatever.  He showed up everywhere but I never gave a crap about Cap (you can use that if you want).

Then in 2011, Marvel Comics released Captain America: The First Avenger, as part of their ginormous Phase One story arc of epic superheroes movies.  At the time, all I could think is whyyyyyyyy???, when there were so many other interesting characters they could have translated to movies.  But because I am a slut for superheroes, I saw it anyway, and then I suddenly decided Captain America is one of the most awesome characters eva!  See me rant about how great that movie was here.

Cap continued to be extra awesome in Avengers (and here is that rant).  And finally, after all the Shawarma dust settled, Marvel is ready to move into Phase Two of their epic superhero lineup, which includes Captain America: The Winter Soldier.

Taking place after events in Avengers, we see Cap (heroically played by Chris Evans once again), working with SHIELD, and kicking ass.  Until things go horribly wrong, and then he has to kick more ass.  

Okay, in my efforts to keep my reviews spoiler free, I've overly simplified the plot.  But this movie was anything but simple!  Huge thumbs up to writers Stephen McFeely, and Christopher Markus for creating a complex storyline that actually worked!  Generally, simpler is better.  But this was a successful rare exception of combining action with a well thought out storyline.

One story element I can tell you about (sort of), is the Winter Soldier (played by Sebastian Stan).  If you've been paying attention, writing has taught us:  With great writing, comes a great bad guy.  So without giving anything away, I will tell you, OMG this guy is soooo awesome!  He is the perfect ass-kicking counterpart to Cap, with a well developed origin.  And he seriously made me question my own sexuality because he is quite dreamy.

But successfully reminding me that I am in fact still heterosexual, we get Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson.... mmmm....), who seems to get hotter with every movie.  We also get a bonus with Sam Wilson aka Falcon (played by Anthony Mackie), who has his own share of kick ass moments.  And lest we not forget plenty of Samuel L. Jackson as Nick Fury, kicking his own share of ass.

Oh, also Robert Redford has an important role and does some stuff... meh.

Now before you think this is the most awesome epic movie ever made... there was a problem.  Most of the directing by Anthony Russo, and Joe Russo was well done and kept me engaged visually.  But... PLEEEEEASE pull your camera back and show us your fight choreography!!  This wasn't as bad as some movies in the past *COUGH*jj.abrams*COUGH*michael.bay*COUGH*, I could mostly see what was going on, but it would have been nice to not make us feel like the cameraman was trying to break them up the whole time. With two directors, I am curious if maybe one of them filmed the story elements, and the other directed action sequences.  In which case, I'm only angry at one of them.  But which one.....

And finally, bonus points for ABC's series Agents of SHIELD for successfully writing episodes around the events from Cap 2!  I was not originally a big fan of this show, and felt the stories were a bit predictable, the characters were bland, and visually it was dark and had no life.  The last few weeks have revitalized a lot of the characters, and they started to finally add more colors and light into the show.  And recently, incorporating events from Cap 2, they suddenly have my attention.

There was a lot of hype surrounding this movie, and going in, I was very apprehensive.  But yes, believe the hype.  It was VERY well done!  Now, once again, I need to re-evaluate my top list of best Marvel movies.

In the meantime, did I mention Scarlett Johansson was in this?

Deeesher

Kick Me

You kids have it sooo easy! When I was your age *said while waving my cane at you*, being a comic book geek was not so popular! I used to dream of a day when we would have 'kick ass' superhero movies. Now, after amazing hits like Spider-man, Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk, X-Men, Batman, (etc), I find myself seeing previews for a new comic adaptation and saying...WTF, another one?!?



That was my feeling when I saw the previews for Kick-Ass, (by the way, can I say that without offending anyone? Kick-Butt? Kick-Backside? Kick-Bottom? Kick-Buttocks?). Based on a comic book published by one of Marvel Comics lesser known divisions (Icon), my crack research staff (aka Wikipedia) has assured me that it is fairly close to the original storyline. But, while I am very excited about Iron Man 2, and a few other more 'traditional' superhero movies, Kick-Ass just looked goofy to me. I know, maybe it's supposed to be goofy, but I thought it sort of looked like Mystery Men (awesome but goofy Ben Stiller superhero movie), only not as funny. There are just so many mainstream comics with great storyline's, I just couldn't get excited about a silly one.

But generally, if you're not expecting too much from a movie, they usually catch you by surprise and impress the hell out of you. And it's true, I did enjoy it, but I do have some issues with it.

The story involves an average high school nobody, Dave Lizewski (Aaron Johnson) who wakes up one morning and says, "...I think I want to be a superhero, even though I'm a total wuss, with no fighting experience, or special weapons or powers or anything!".

Total respect for their examining my life in high school so closely, but (for me anyway), common sense always kicks in before getting your ass kicked... or even shot in the face. Bonus points for having your heart in the right place and wanting to do something about crime and injustice, but minus a million points for proving you're a freakin' moron!

And it didn't help there was nothing to grab me and make me root for him! No parents killed when he was walking home with them in a dark alley. No uncle shot by a bad guy he could have stopped. Not even a disability he was struck with and trying to overcome! I didn't care about our hero at all. This was one of the problems I had with Ang Lee's Hulk. I didn't care about Banner. But yet watch the 1978 television's The Incredible Hulk, and in the first episode, in the first two minutes, you care about this guy! I needed something to pull me in and captivate me, and reliving high school's woes was not enough for me. I wrote silly poems... he puts on a mask. Get over it kid.

But I know what you're saying (being psychic is one of my powers), "...but Deeesher, remember this is just a silly movie!".

Or is it?

There were some funny moments yes, but it does take some very serious turns. Which brings me to this soap box that I'm going to stand on for a bit...

What is a superhero? The underdog that wants to do the right thing. With great power comes great responsibility, but yet Kick-Ass says, "with no power comes no responsibility.". This is fine but maybe if your silly movie is taking so many serious turns, they need to remember you are still fighting for truth, justice and the American way. Are you really a true superhero if you stab all the bad guys or shoot them with a machine gun? Maybe Everyone was always eager for Wolverine to hack people to bits with his claws, but (unless things have changed recently), he never did. And maybe Punisher regularly shot people, but it's a well known fact he was unstable and seriously F'd up! The same could be said about Rorschach from Watchmen.

But I did say I enjoyed this movie! The narration was original and clever... oh wait, didn't we just do that a bit better in Zombieland last year? Anyway, the action was awesome, and seeing Hit-Girl (Chloe Moretz) kicking ass was fun. I liked the relationship with her and Big Daddy (Nicholas Cage). And did anyone else notice him channeling 1960's Adam West Batman's voice? Very funny! I was eager to hear him call someone 'citizen', or complain that some days you just can't get rid of a bomb. I also really liked Red Mist (Christopher Mintz-Plasse), and think he had the best storyline. Although, he will always be McLovin to me.

Maybe most of you are thinking I am being too nit-picky. Maybe I was just offended that we had a superhero movie, but nowhere did we have hot sexy women in spandex. I guess the best way to sum up my feelings is quoting one of my favorite superhero battle cries... "Spoooooon!" The Tick... there was an awesome but silly superhero!