Saturday, June 23, 2012


I'd like to thank you all for coming here today. I know this has been a difficult and confusing experience for many of you, and I realize you have a lot of questions. Fortunately, I'm used to people questioning me, so I will try to handle this as smoothly as possible so we can all get home before dinner.

According to Greek mythology, Prometheus was a Titan, (not a god... perhaps if he applied himself more) who got himself banished to Hades for bringing fire to man. If you should want to visit him, he should still be there where he suffers every day by having his liver eaten out by a bird for his crime... And you thought angry birds only hated pigs.

Prometheus the movie, has nothing to do with any of that.

Do you remember in 1979, when Alien was released, which was a simple monster story in space starring Sigourney Weaver in her underwear? Well Prometheus doesn't have much to do with that either.

So what is Prometheus about?

It appears to be about a bunch of scientists who discover a sort of ancient map to the stars. After leaving most of their common sense at home, they travel millions of light years on the spaceship Prometheus, to visit a planet that is NOT the same planet from the original Alien.

Do you remember the Space Jockey sitting in the big chair with his chest burst open from the original Alien movie? He may (or may not) be in it. Do you remember the crashed ship from Alien? It may (or may not) be in it.

Maybe only Damon Lindelof knows what all this is really about. To me, Damon will always be one of the writers for the TV series Lost. Lost was one of those shows we watched regularly cause everyone said it was cool, even though none of us really understood it. Maybe Damon should have stayed on the island. Okay, maybe he can share a bamboo hut with Prometheus co-writer Jon Spaihts.

However, for as much damage as Damon may (or may not) have caused this movie, Ridley Scott picks up the slack in the most awesome way! It's all sooooo pretty! There is a reason the first Alien and Blade Runner are still popular today. Director Ridley Scott. Visually it is well worth the price of admission and made me want to frame some scenes and display them proudly in my living room above my Alien action figures. Also huge thumbs up to a very creepy surgery scene! And by the way, did anyone else have flashbacks of driving the Mako from Mass Effect ?

We also get some decent characters with equally decent acting. The best of which, is David, (Michael Fassbender). He's the creepy android (or do the kids still call them Synthetics these days?). Charlize Theron was also worth watching as Vickers and convinced us all she had a stick buried rectally. I also enjoyed Noomi Rapace as the eager curious and stupid scientist, Elizabeth Shaw. And why was Guy Pearce playing Peter Weyland, in the worst old man makeup ever??? Were there no older actors available???

It's not that I didn't like this movie. I enjoyed it. But with such a confusing story, and so many moronic decisions from supposedly 'smart' people, it's difficult to say Prometheus was awesome. The internet tells me there may (or may not) be a sequel planned that should tie all these confusing bits together very nicely. Although, we all know how the internet tends to lie to us sometimes.

Anyway... Did I mention we get to see Charlize Theron in her underwear?

In space, no one can hear you drool...