Tuesday, February 16, 2010

The Love Boat Conspiracy!

A friend of mine recently asked a very important question:
"If Captain Stubing was such a great Captain, why did he never commanded a starship like the Enterprise?"

Well young Bradley, I'm glad you asked. The Love Boat Conspiracy, (aka Love Boat-Gate) goes deep into the politics of 1970's television, (Fortunately these politics do not affect our tv today).

Conceptually ahead of it's time, (it would eventually inspire shows like Lost), week after week the crew of The Love Boat were desperately trying to find an island... Fantasy Island. Mr. Roarke, (Ricardo Montalban) kept his Fantasy Island well hidden so he could focus on his plans for world domination.  Those who followed Roarke knew him by another name... Khan Noonien Singh, (aka Khaaaaaaan!!!).

Each week, the crew of the Love Boat endured many dangerous trials as Khan constantly threw new challenges at them. Unfortunately many scenes were cut due to the network wanting to focus more on celebrity guests, feeling the character of Khan would never catch on.

In the final episode, the crew captures Khan moments before his attempt to launch nuclear missiles at the US and Russia. With unprecedented, never-before-seen burrowing skills, we learn how Gopher got his name, (Fred Grandy also did all his own stunts for the show), he managed to swing in from the shadows, stopping Khan at the last minute and finally imprisoning him and his army onto an experimental cryogenics ship called the Botany Bay.  They remained in suspended animation until Captain Kirk revives them years later, (as seen in the classic episode of Star Trek, Space Seed... originally titled Return of the Love Boat Villain).

Sadly, Captain Stubing, (Gavin MacLeod) was killed in the last episode when he discovered Doc, (Bernie Kopell) was a double agent, which is why he was not around to command a Federation starship.

Many years later, all the outtakes and deleted footage were buried and labeled classified after Gopher became a state senator, and were never seen again.

Yoda however never appeared... cause that would just be silly.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Have You Seen It Yet?!?

Six months ago, whenever I saw previews or a poster for this movie, I would say, "...this is what everyone will be talking about next year!", and they would look at me like a freak, (okay, maybe more than normal). But, as usual, I am a visionary, because six months later, I am sick of hearing about this movie!

Of course I am talking about the new James Cameron epic, Avatar.

The story is simple enough, (maybe too simple?). We the humans, continue to prove what jerks we are by trying to take over a planet we found and kicking out the natives. I'm sure there was a deleted subplot where the humans give them blankets infested with smallpox. We've seen this story before from Dances with Wolves, to Pocahontas, to Return of the Jedi, (remember the Ewoks?). It really is a fill in the blanks type of script. Someone please tell me why this won a Golden Globe Award for Best Drama?!?

I will however give this the Deeesher Stamp of Approval for a few things though.

Huge thumbs up to James Cameron for giving us a real sci-fi movie, with interesting, unusual environments, and strange, original looking creatures and aliens. Recently, we've seen lots of superhero movies, and lots of horror, but nothing good from outer space since last years Star Trek. And before that...?

Sam Worthington (the main good guy, Jake Sully) could have been replaced by a talking monkey, (maybe he would have been more interesting then?), but I did enjoy Zoe Saldana, (Neytiri). She apparently has the best agent in Hollywood, because last year she was Uhura on Star Trek. Also Stephen Lang, (Col. Quaritch) and Giovanni Ribisi (Parker Selfridge), made good bad guys you could enjoy hating. Oh and Sigourney Weaver (Dr. Augustine) was in it too I guess... whatever.

But the star of Avatar was the special effects. I see billions of awards being given to this movie for the effects.

Legally, you have to see this movie in Imax 3-D, or all your friends will verbally abuse you. I was a bit extra excited about seeing it since I finally got contacts that work, (cause I couldn't get the full effect of 3-D wearing glasses). I will admit, it looked freakin' awesome... most of the time. Unfortunately, there were times when I couldn't focus on the 3-D because of the action. I found myself thinking a few times, "...but I don't want it to be in 3-D anymore!".

Which brings me to another point. Why, in the year 2010, with all our flying cars, and personal robots, and weather control machines, why are we still using glasses to see 3-D?!? I was eager to see this amazing cutting edge film in a huge theater on a giant screen with my new contacts, only to sit there like a dork with hundreds of others wearing cheap plastic nerd-inspired glasses! Can someone get to work on this please?

In the meantime, I've said it before, and I'll say it again... Mmmmm Zoe...

*insert blue balls joke here*