Venom Review

Venom first appeared on another planet, when all the Marvel heroes and villains were gathered together to fight, in the twelve issue mini-series called Secret Wars (1984). 

At the time, it was just known as the 'black costume' that Spider-man discovered after ripping his regular Spidey-tights. It all seemed harmless enough, although there was the usual fan outcry hating the new look. When the limited series ended, and Spidey returned home, the plot thickened, as the costume seemed to slowly take over. Eventually, it bonded itself to Peter, and it really didn't want to let go. When he finally was able to literally pry it from his body, the alien blob slinked away only to find reporter Eddie Brock. The alien symbiote bonded with him, and called itself Venom... Marvel fanboys around the world squee'd with excitement. 

In 2007, super genius film director Sam Raimi was forced to include Venom in Spider-man 3. Yes, forced by Sony due to the popularity of the character. He really didn't want to do it... and it shows. The results were some of the most cringe-worthy moments in any comic book movie ever made. 

And now, in 2018, Sony releases a stand-alone Venom movie. Did they learn from their mistakes?

To clarify, while this movie is based on a Marvel comic book, it is NOT part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe of movies. Those movies are released through Disney. Venom is owned by Sony. So, there is zero connection between Venom and Thanos, or Avengers, or Captain America, or Iron Man, or Thor, or Ant-man, etc. It all has to do with copyrights that are equal parts confusing, and frustrating.

The popular opinion is to hate this movie, because how can you have Venom without Spider-man? So without the convoluted Secret Wars origin story, they simply went with the 'alien-life-form-brought-back-from-space' story, which was... acceptable. The 2007 movie used the same idea, as well as the original animated series, so it works based on that simple premise. 

I can't say I hated the movie, but there was still plenty to dislike. The most painful being the horrendous computer effects. To put it into perspective, The Abyss was one of the first movies to ever use CGI in 1989. There was a scene where they created a moving blob of water that looked pretty realistic. Thirty years ago, that scene looked far more realistic than any of the scenes with Venom. Did they not have a budget for the most important aspect of this movie, or did they just not care?

I'm also not a fan of Tom Hardy, who plays Eddie Brock. I don't see any charisma or personality in him whatsoever. You could replace him with a paper sack, and I would be as equally entertained. Although, in the 2007 version, we had Topher Grace, so... upgrade? 

I did however enjoy some of the banter between Brock and Venom. I might have even lol'd just a bit. Plus, if you overlook how bad the effects are, there are some good action moments... when the lens flare and smoke wasn't completely overpowering the scene.

When you compare Venom with the 2004 Halle Berry Catwoman movie, and the 2015 Fantastic Four reboot... it's not that bad! 

(Yes, you can use this quote for promotional purposes if you 'd like). 

If you're interested in seeing this, just lower your expectations, expect some bad effects and a few 'questionable' writing decisions, and you might like it. And if not, it's only ninety minutes long, so you won't lose too much time out of your life.

Deeesher

Dark Knight Rises

Didn't I just review a superhero movie??? Seems like every time I turn around, another one is released. Why can't we have one summer filled with heart-warming, touching stories about two people hopelessly in love but somehow never able to connect. Maybe one of them could be dying from an incurable disease. Either that, or another Rob Schneider movie.

HA! Sorry, I can't continue like that after tasting the bile in my mouth. The truth is, the last few years have been Nerd Mecca in theaters, and I wouldn't want it any other way. And this year, maybe the ultimate in Nerd-vana, is the final chapter in the Christopher Nolan version of Batman: The Dark Knight Rises.

I'm trying to figure out what to say about this movie, because I keep my reviews spoiler-free. But 90% of this movie is spoilers! So... it's got Batman/Bruce Wayne (Christian Bale), Bane (Tom Hardy), and Catwoman (Anne Hathaway). That's about all I can tell you.

Yes, I've enjoyed all three of Nolan's Batman movies, and maybe this is the best of them but...

Just so I'm clear, I don't hate director Christopher Nolan. I want to, but I can't. He's like that annoying kid in school that always tries to get attention by eating paste. It's fun, but is it unique? Nolan is very good at telling a story, and I like the way I can see most of the action (unlike other directors I hate *COUGH*j.j. abrams*COUGH*michael bay*COUGH*). However, he tries to make a movie set in the 'real world'. Some people like this. It's just not for me. I always feel like I'm watching an episode of CSI: Gotham City, or Law and Order CGD (Commissioner Gordon District).

At the risk of getting pelted by fan Batarangs, for me, none of Nolan's Batmen, were very epic. I personally never had a moment where I looked at his style and said, “Wow!”. Yes, they've had some very good stories, and amazing acting, (particularly Heath Ledger as Joker from 2008's The Dark Knight), but I had no interest in seeing this in IMAX, because he didn't do anything spectacular. I could save a few bucks and enjoy it equally on a smaller screen.

Speaking of acting... How about that Michael Caine as Alfred! He was seriously underused in the previous Batmans, and I'm very happy to see them take advantage of his talents here. I genuinely felt for Alfred, and I appreciated every moment he was on screen.

Also very noteworthy was Tom Hardy as Bane. If you ignore how he sounds like Darth Vader with a bad accent, and if you ignore that his storyline is much different than the original comic book, he really does a great job with the role. Even when he just stood there, he felt very imposing. He truly made this character come to life!

Everyone else did as expected by the caliber of their talents. Morgan Freeman is always good as Morgan Freeman (Lucius Fox), Gary Oldman was very Commissioner Gordon-y, and Christian Bale made a great Bruce Wayne, but still too gravely and stiff as Batman. And did I mention Anne Hathaway as Catwoman? I wouldn't mind watching a movie with her for three hours... in slow motion.

Yes, Dark Knight Rises is almost three hours long, but it does move along very nicely. It is fun and has some exciting moments with great acting, (and an extra wow to Hans Zimmer for an amazing musical score). But try to forget what you know about the comic books. Try to forget that Batman has many gadgets he never uses here. Try to forget how horrible Christian Bale sounds when talking as Batman. And try to forget everything you may know about the medical profession.

And did I mention Anne Hathaway as Catwoman?

There are some things you never want to forget...

Deeesher