Deeesher's Wacky Star Wars Theories!

A long time ago, here on Earth, Star Wars was just stupid fun. You could go to the theater, shut off your brain, and watch pretty explosions as good battled against evil. We got to see a simple story unfold about a boy and his lightsaber, a smuggler and his Wookiee, a Princess and her 'tude, and a big scary bad guy with a breathing problem. We enjoyed Episode IV: A New Hope, without a care in the world, or a question to be answered. We just wanted to see the next episode, because we loved it! 

But that was before the dark times. Before the... Abrams-verse.

After the release of Episode VII: The Force Awakens, we have more mysteries than we can throw an Ewok at. Today, there are a million Youtube videos and blogs, showcasing every insane theory under Twin Suns. Debating the possibilities seems to rival the discussion people had during the television series, Lost. And we all know how satisfied people were with that conclusion. I wonder who created that show...?

Well, like most of you, I have a couple of brains, and I like to use them to think of stupid crap. And since we are a few months away from Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, I thought I'd share some of my ideas with you now, so I can say "HA!", in your face when I'm proven to be right. Or I can laugh about how I was joking, and/or the writers are clueless, if by some astronomical chance I'm wrong.

*Disclaimer:
I have no clue. Seriously. I don't work for Disney, or Lucas. I have not seen a script, or anything remotely leaked. I don't even think I know anyone who is working on this franchise. Well... unless you count the time a few years ago when I met Mark Hamill and he was hitting on my girlfriend. In his defense, I don't think he knew I was there. But when Luke Skywalker is hitting on your girlfriend, you let him!

So, I don't consider any of this spoilers, unless you take my word as law. But this is the internet, and nobody believes a word of it these days.

So with that, I give you...

Theory 1:

WHO IS REY

Rey is... Nobody! 

Okay, I'm not standing behind this 100%, but I love the idea! How awesome would it be, if everyone in the Star Wars universe was NOT related to everyone else??

Maybe Rey was training with Luke as a child for the simple fact that she was strong in the force. Ben (Kylo Ren) was impressed with her powers, so he either wanted to take her for his own apprentice to the Dark Side... or he just wanted to kill her. And sensing the danger, Luke protected her and quickly hid her on Jakku, instead of Tatooine, (because seriously, what kind of madman would leave a kid on Tatooine??), where he then wiped her memories. This could also explain why she quickly has a lot of Force powers, without any apparent training. It was natural for her to recall things she learned before being left on Jakku.  It could also explain why Kylo Ren is so obsessed with her, (other than the fact that he's never had a real girlfriend).

But seriously, can Jedi erase your memories? I'm not quite ready to buy that.

So, if the writers have half a brain, the best theory I heard was, Rey is a clone of... someone. Most likely she is a clone of Palpatine, or Vader. Her "clone pod' was opened earlier than it should have been on Jakku, leaving her with no memories, because she was born in a tube and released before adulthood. This could explain her natural predilection to the Force. And yes, I know Vader and Palpatine were dudes. But what better way to hide yourself and fool your enemies than to get rid of that pesky Y chromosome?

Theory 2:
KYLO REN

Okay, we all know who he is, so no real theory there. But why is he soooo obsessed with the Dark Side? Sure, maybe he loves his Grandpa, and his Snoke Machine, but I think there has to be more.

My theory: His Mask. 

Before going into detail, let me take you back to a time when George Lucas sold the rights to Disney. One of the first decrees from the Mouse, was that multiple books in the series, were no longer canon. Millions of voices cried out, as some of our favorite characters were silenced forever, (I'll miss you most of all Mara Jade!). However, there were many aspects of the Star Wars Universe that were never addressed... including The Old Republic.

Enter Darth Revan.

Revan first appeared in a Bioware game called Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic in 2003. The game took place several thousand years before Luke Skywalker, but the character of Revan and events during that timeline have become fan favorites. Currently, there is a very successful online game, called Star Wars: The Old Republic (SWTOR) featuring stories from that era.

I think Disney likes that. And I think they want to connect it.

I believe, there was a time when Kylo Ren was looking for Jedi (or Sith) relics, and he found one: Revan's Mask. In the SWTOR games, this is a popular quest item for Sith, because of it's power in the dark side of the Force. This could be heavily influencing Kylo Ren and directing his actions. Yes, I'm aware it doesn't look exactly alike, but people have repeatedly called out Kylo Ren saying he looks like Revan. And who knows, being the son of Han Solo, maybe Kylo Ren made some 'personal modifications'. 

I can hear you rolling your eyes at me already, but I have other reasons for this idea...

1. The Mask has weight to it. Every time he puts it down, there is a heavy thud. This reminds me of the One Ring in Lord of the Rings. Every time the ring was dropped, it had the same distinct thud because of it's power. Plus, notice how the camera seems to focus ominously on his mask when he puts it down.

2. Han Solo says, "Take off that mask. You don't need it." Maybe he knew the power and influence it had over him?

3. Kylo Ren says, "I'm being torn apart. I want to be free of this pain.". Revan was known to have been 'split in two', having power in both Dark side and Light sides of the Force.

And yes, I can already hearing you screaming at me, "...but Deeesher, in the new trailer, we see Kylo Ren's helmet was destroyed, and according to legend, it's impossible to destroy Revan's Mask!".
And to you, I say...

Symbolism! Or a vision? Something he must do? A nightmare perhaps?  Hmmm...
 
So, is it possible Snoke is aware of the power in the mask, and is using this to push him. Maybe Snoke gave him the mask because he felt... inadequate?

Which brings me to...

Theory 3:
WHO IS SUPREME LEADER SNOKE

 

Remember folks, these are my wacky theories, and this is one of my wackiest! 

I've heard people guessing this could be Palpatine, or even Darth Plagueis, (Palpatine's Master). Of course we could go back to my original theory about Rey, and Snoke is also nobody. Perhaps he is simply a new character and we are looking too deeply (for some reason) in our desperate attempt to make a connection where one doesn't exist. 

But I prefer to look a bit deeper.

I'm sure many of you recall Yoda's introduction. He was no Jedi Master. He was just a goofy little green swamp creature trying to steal food from Luke.

I have a similar feeling about Snoke. Maybe he isn't so giant as he appears in his hologram. And maybe he appears quite harmless in reality, carefully pulling strings in plain sight. Maybe, like Palpatine, he is pretending to be on the side of good, but in reality, he is putting things into motion to get exactly what he wants.

And, as some new toys seem to suggest, perhaps he is really a she...   

 

 That's right... Maz Kanata is Supreme Leader Snoke. 

People have said that Snoke is not a Force user. Maz has said she is not a Force user, but she knows about it. She had Luke's lightsaber. 

And before you freak out, I present to you... 

Exhibit A:

 Does it seem so crazy now? Holograms can add several feet to someone, and as any woman will tell you, the right makeup can hide many blemishes.

  

Speaking of insane, this brings me to my final point...

Theory 4:

LUKE SKYWALKER

I'm just going to say it... I think Luke is bat-shit crazy.

Originally, I was thinking it would be awesome if Luke was actually Snoke. I liked the idea of him turning Dark side and guiding things from the shadows. Many people believe that Luke actually did turn Dark side at the end of Return of the Jedi. He had plenty of reasons. And now, feeling the overwhelming responsibility of teaching a whole New Order of Jedi, one day he just snapped, wore a silly disguise, called up Kylo Ren on a hologram, called himself Snoke, and decided to use him to wipe out all the potential new Jedi, because he didn't want to run the risk of them destroying the galaxy.

As interesting as that idea might seem, I have heard in The Last Jedi, Luke actually does sound quite insane. I thought it would be awesome if Rey was walking past a cave, hearing him laugh like the Joker. Then she enters the cave, and sees only Luke, who denies anyone else being there.

Then I had a sudden realization...

What if Luke has been talking to himself for decades! 
No Force Ghost Ben, Yoda or Anakin, and his madness only made him think they were there guiding him! 

"...But Deeesher, how can you say this?!?" 
Well, has anyone else seen these Force Ghosts?

If you recall, during Empire Strikes Back, Luke was attacked by a Snow creature (Wampa), which he escaped from, only to wander through the freezing cold, barely alive. During his delirium, he suddenly 'saw' a vision of Ben, telling him to go to the Dagobah system. But what if it was all in his mind?

And while on Dagobah, I think Luke did a lot of training, and became more powerful with the Force... but was there really Yoda teaching him, or was it all in his mind?  After everything Luke has been through, it's not too difficult to imagine that he may have completely snapped.

Okay, I admit, some of these might be what you would call... Fringe Theories, (get it? Fringe?). But I sincerely would love to see the writers doing something unique and unexpected. My instinct is, they will write to the lowest common denominator, and not take any risks. They want to make a movie for the fans, so they aren't going to try to come up with anything too mind-blowing.

I would love to see Rey turn Dark Side, and Kylo Ren turn Light Side for some reason or other, so we could mix things up a bit. And of course, it would be nice to see Luke being heroic, but it's also conceivable that he is quite a broken man by now. 

Realistically, I'm just a clueless idiot, and maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised. In the end, I just want a movie that's fun, exciting, maybe a bit dramatic, without too many quick edits, and well lit, so I can follow the action.

Maybe I ask the impossible...
And that is why I fail,
Deeesher

Conspiracy Theory

"There's something happening here
What it is ain't exactly clear
There's a man with a gun over there
Telling me I've got to beware"
-Buffalo Springfield 1966

For many reasons, I never want to sound bat-shit paranoid insane, but there seems to be something wrong in America today.  Instead of building towards a better tomorrow, it seems to be crumbling around us at an alarming rate.  Why?  We're in the 21st century, shouldn't we be more enlightened, or at the very least, more civilized?  Sadly, it seems as if we have a vastly growing continental divide of morality.  Our society seems to be moving towards a new civil war, and I'm trying to understand why this is happening.

First, let me say I am probably one of the least qualified people to discuss social or political issues.  I graduated from a simple technical college, and other than taking a semester in sociology and psychology in high school, I really am quite the clueless idiot.

But what I lack in education, I try to make up with common sense and acute observational skills (hopefully).

Let me share with you what I've noticed:

Each week, it seems news and mostly social media, is eager to focus on one specific story.  Everyone is almost obligated to share, like and/or comment on this one grand mal headline of the week.  Recent spotlights have been about a county clerk refusing to give marriage licenses to gay couples, a "politician" saying Mexicans are drug dealers and rapists, a Muslim kid being arrested for building a clock, and a 16 year old kid being tackled and arrested by police for jaywalking.  Anyone remember the big news story about Kony 2012 that everyone was obsessed with?  How quickly we forget...

If you're like me, (i.e. human), each of those stories make your blood boil.  I read about them and cringe, feeling my heart race from the stupidity involved, and get knots in my stomach.  I watch the videos and weep for our society and try to understand why it has to be this way.  Maybe some of you will do more.  Maybe some of you will make efforts to make a change to the world, but my instinct says, most of you will sit in anguish and maybe 'like' or share the post, or maybe even make a creative hashtag in support.  Because I'm sure you know by now, a creative hashtag can easily solve all the world's problems.

But then something strange happens:  sometimes, a news article will come out that puts a completely different spin on this tragic situation.  Or you find out suddenly how many people are supporting this horrible person.  Why???  What happened in our society to cause such a vast difference of opinions?  Are the cops really a bunch of racist thugs killing kids, or are people in these dangerous neighborhoods threatening, and even killing police every day so they have to protect themselves?  Did this kid innocently build a clock, or was he trying to make it look like a bomb to make a statement and cause trouble?  Is President Obama one of the greatest presidents this country has ever had according to some sources (like here), or is Obama truly an evil arrogant megalomaniac bent on world domination according to other sources?  Are you sure about your answers?  Have you really read information from both sides thoroughly before answering?  (FYI - these are rhetorical question.  I'm not writing this for a debate on any of these specific topics).  Sometimes, those opposing views make some very interesting points that make you think.  Of course sometimes, those viewpoints are extremely moronic too.  But really... you should question EVERYTHING!  Just because you agree with it, doesn't mean it's true.  You should still think for yourself and spend a moment doing some research. 

But... could it be that SOME of these stories are fake?

Remember kids, we live in the 21st century, and video is fairly easy for any random idiot to create.  It's not difficult to gather enough friends together and stage something seemingly unbelievable.  Or, with the right software, you can edit a video to tell a completely different story.  And even worse, many satirical sites are being shared as if it is a real story.  You have to look deep into the site to see it is satire, but the damage is already done by people sharing because they KNOW it's plausible enough without bothering to double check. 

So what should you believe?  Maybe the bigger question is, why is it being done?

Do you know that feeling you have in your stomach when you read those disgusting news articles?  Last year, it was leaked(?) that Facebook toyed with our emotions.  Specifically, they spent a week in 2012 manipulating your news feed to see if they could elicit more negative responses from YOU, (read about it here).  And for the record, there is nothing illegal in their actions.  So, is this an ongoing project?  I know I still cringe sometimes when I read a shared news story.  Currently, over one billion people are using Facebook every day.  That is quite the impressive social experiment if you think about it.  One billion people to test and see if you can make them happy, or sad, or angry, or...?  

But realistically, I doubt going back in time and stopping Mark Zuckerberg from creating Facebook will solve our problems.  Maybe we would all still be using MySpace *cringe*, but the affect on our society would still be the same.

Social media isn't the only source of public manipulation.  Lest ye forget we also have news organizations and politicians.  Both of which can be extremely biased.  There is no guarantee or law that says news programs or politicians have to tell the truth.  They just have to convince enough people of they're sincerity.  And why would they lie???  They have power, so I can't think of any reason why they would need to mislead us.  

Well, maybe all is lost for us, but obviously our children are the future, so if we teach them well, we can all live long and prosper.

But wait... in a perfectly controlled society, we don't want the next generation to outsmart anyone in power.  So, hopefully, parents are ignoring their children enough and letting the television or video games babysit them.  And while in school, maybe we can have standardized testing for students, so we aren't really educating them.  We just want them to pass a test to be smart enough to work in McDonalds.  In a properly brainwashed world, we should send children to schools that focus on everything except education... from suspending children for wearing the wrong clothes, or if they pretend to shoot imaginary guns, or sending children home early because they have 'violent' characters like Star-Lord or Wonder Woman on their backpack (yup, it happened here).  Or maybe we can just prescribe drugs instead of actually taking care of them properly, (like these). 

But what is the agenda?  Is there a goal to all this dumbing down of our society?  Is there a Star Chamber where the 1% meet and talk about us like pawns?  Maybe the days of Roman Caesars are being reborn.  Maybe they watch from afar, betting 3,000 Quatloos on their favorite group of gladiators to defeat the others, when society starts to inevitably crumble. 

I really have no answers, but personally, I will not play this game.  I focus on my own world.  I'm aware of the bad things and try to educate myself, but I try to share the positive and creative parts of my life.  I worry about my friends and family.  I'm not jumping onto anyone's bandwagon, because in most cases, they're already too crowded, and I have plenty of room in my own bandwagon.  I will never share or discuss those stories-of-the-week on social media, because I wasn't there.  I don't know those people, and I wasn't involved.  I have very strong opinions, but, there could be plenty of people that disagree with me and... what if I'm wrong *gasp*? 

Personally, I prefer to focus more on aliens than alienation.

 
Now, if I suddenly disappear tomorrow....
Deeesher