Star Wars: The Last Jedi Review

"...This is not going to go the way you think!" 
                                             - Luke Skywalker


This comment from the trailer for the new Star Wars movie, The Last Jedi, accurately summarizes the entire experience.

Since the release of The Force Awakens in 2015, a million and one fanboy/fangirls have posted their theories about what might happen in the next episode. I had my own theories, good or bad, that I posted here. But in the words of director/writer Rian Johnson, your Snoke theory sucks.

So with such high expectations for the saga, will anything truly satisfy everyone?

As with all things in the world today, this movie has definitely polarized fans. From comments like, "...this is the best Star Wars movie ever!", to "...this is the worst Star Wars movie ever!", it seems everyone has very strong opinions about the newest chapter in the saga.

Star Wars has become so painfully mainstream, it's as if it's ingrained into our DNA. We all have an idea of what Star Wars should be. So, can anyone really look at it objectively? Well, I'm going to see if I can let go of my feelings and try to review it fairly.

Ha! Everyone knows, there is no try! 

For this review, I'm going to break it down in two parts: Non-Spoiler, and Spoiler. The first half being non-spoiler, and don't worry, I'll give you plenty of warning before delving into the spoiler half.

NON-SPOILER REVIEW

Creator of the Star Wars universe, George Lucas, had an outline for the final trilogy in the series. But, for some reason, Disney threw out his notes and decided to do their own thing. The Last Jedi, was written and directed by Rian Johnson, but the origins of the current story arc, including characters, came from Episode VII, The Force Awakens, which was written and directed by JJ Abrams. And, as you may know, I'm not such a big fan of JJ Abrams.

"...but Deeesher, JJ Abrams rebooted and saved Star Trek AND Star Wars!"

Seriously, a couple of trained monkeys could have rebooted those titles, because they are popular franchises with an enormous built-in fan base. They were guaranteed to be box office hits. But "Successful" does not necessarily mean "Good".

Prior to Abrams and Lawrence Kasdan taking over the script for The Force Awakens, it was originally being written by Michael Arndt. He had some great concepts, and I highly recommend the book, The Art of The Force Awakens. In it, you will find rough drafts for the movie he was writing, as well as plenty of concept designs for the environments and characters before Abrams took over. I would have loved to have seen that movie!

But Abrams did take over, and for the most part, he played it safe, rehashing a lot of concepts from the original 1977 Star Wars A New Hope. He also created some new characters that were not so inspiring to me. Sorry, but I never really liked Rey, Finn or Poe. I don't find anything appealing about them at all. They didn't feel so heroic, and I had zero emotional connections with anything they did. You could replace them with blocks of wood, and I would have been equally as entertained.

"...oh Deeesher, you're just stuck in the past and only like old things!"

Ha! First, I'm only in my twenties (as far as you know), and I LOVED Star Wars Rogue One from 2016! I thought Jyn Erso, Chirrut, Baze, and Krennic were fantastic characters! I even loved K-2S0. I also really recommend watching the animated series The Clone Wars. The first couple seasons were a bit kid friendly, but later on, they had some great episodes, and some genuinely Interesting characters. So putting things in perspective, I just want something that will inspire and excite my tiny brain. And going into The Last Jedi, I really hoped these new characters would step up their game and add a bit more from the previous movie.

I'll even admit to liking BB-8 from The Force Awakens. I also like Snoke, and I guess I'm curious about Kylo Ren, and now finally we get... Luke Skywalker!

So, The Last Jedi continues their stories, and throws even more new people at us... which I didn't care about either. 

Fortunately, BB-8 was still awesome. Luke, Rey and Kylo Ren were, interesting, and I really wanted to follow them through the movie. The other characters just seem to push the story along. I will even go so far to say I really hated Poe's actions. Isn't he supposed to be a hero?? Why am I hating nearly everything he does? Shouldn't I be cheering for the heroes?

And as for Luke, I've read that some people complained about how he was portrayed here, but I didn't have any problem with it. His actions and behavior, for the most part, made sense to me. Of course I wish things would have gone differently, but I didn't write it.

And how was the writing?

Well, there was a lot of it. Two hours and thirty-two minutes is too long. Whatever happened to 'leave them wanting more'? It felt like the Netflix Marvel shows, where they give you thirteen episodes, but you would have been happy with nine or ten. The story moved along nicely, but I think it would have been more exciting if they had cut out a lot of unnecessary moments. A two hour Star Wars movie would have been fine with most fans. Dare I say, an hour and a half would have felt nice?

Fortunately for us, director Rian Johnson knows how to direct a movie. I could see the action, and there was some sweet emotional moments as well. I also appreciated the dialogue and it had a good sense of humor.

I can't say I hated The Last Jedi. But I won't say it was awesome either. Mostly, I had problems with some of the writing decisions. I prefer it over The Force Awakens, but the original trilogy still did it best. 

And, as controversial as this might be... I like Porgs!

And now, to properly dissect my review in half, I present to you a truncated picture of Supreme Leader Snoke, before going into Spoiler territory....

 **********SPOILERS**********

Okay, I was being kind for my 'general audiences' review, but there were a few writing decisions that really pissed me off, and there were a couple things I really appreciated. Going through the list:

1. Snoke. Seriously?? That's it?? What an incredibly anti-climatic conclusion to a character being built up as the ultimate power in the universe. I sincerely hope he manages to sew himself back together for the next movie, because if he's dead... lame! Oh Snoke, we hardly knew ye. I mean seriously, he just happened to be the guy to take over the First Order and mysteriously influence Kylo Ren... only to die before the final chapter?  Ugh...

2. Phasma. Possibly a bigger joke than Boba Fett's ending. Never have they built up such a powerful important character, only to have her be tossed in the trash compactor in the first movie then easily defeated in The Last Jedi. If she somehow survived to come back in the next movie, the only way to redeem herself, is if she takes over the entire galaxy. Are they really trying to promote strong female characters?? Because she's been beaten down and lost every time she's been on screen.

3. Space Leia. In the words of Han Solo... That's not how the Force works! I'm not sold on the idea of her holding her breath and flying through the vacuum of space to safety. I would have preferred a moment where someone goes to shoot her, and she raises her hand to block the bolt like Vader has in the past. Of course, I think there are any number of different ways to show she had learned some Force abilities, but this wasn't it.

4. Force Astral Projection. Some people had a problem with this. But I'll reluctantly give it a pass, moreso than floating through space anyway. Although, I would have preferred if Luke had shown up for a real battle. If he reluctantly left his home for one last fight, and let Kylo Ren kill him ala Ben Kenobi, that would have been a very powerful and poetic ending. But as it was, he looked cool, and I didn't mind it, mostly because his dying at the twin sunset was a powerful emotional scene for me.

5. Luke, Leia, and R2. Speaking of powerful emotional moments, seeing these characters meet each other, got me right in the feels. Oh... I have something in my eye...

6. Finn. I really expected him to sacrifice himself into the big cannon at the end, because he could have died a hero and I would have felt something for him. But... nope. Still don't care and he'll be back again for the next movie to do... something... I guess.

7. Yoda. This was maybe my favorite part. Yoda proves he is still wisest of them all, and I really enjoyed this a lot. Maybe this is one of the reasons why I didn't completely hate the movie.
 
8. Rey. I'm going to say it now... Kylo Ren lied to her. Her parents weren't 'nobody'. I still think she is a clone of someone, and I'm hoping it was Palpatine. We'll see.

That's it for now, nerds. Until 2019, when we discuss, Episode XI: The (Something) of the (Something)
Deeesher

Deeesher's Wacky Star Wars Theories!

A long time ago, here on Earth, Star Wars was just stupid fun. You could go to the theater, shut off your brain, and watch pretty explosions as good battled against evil. We got to see a simple story unfold about a boy and his lightsaber, a smuggler and his Wookiee, a Princess and her 'tude, and a big scary bad guy with a breathing problem. We enjoyed Episode IV: A New Hope, without a care in the world, or a question to be answered. We just wanted to see the next episode, because we loved it! 

But that was before the dark times. Before the... Abrams-verse.

After the release of Episode VII: The Force Awakens, we have more mysteries than we can throw an Ewok at. Today, there are a million Youtube videos and blogs, showcasing every insane theory under Twin Suns. Debating the possibilities seems to rival the discussion people had during the television series, Lost. And we all know how satisfied people were with that conclusion. I wonder who created that show...?

Well, like most of you, I have a couple of brains, and I like to use them to think of stupid crap. And since we are a few months away from Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, I thought I'd share some of my ideas with you now, so I can say "HA!", in your face when I'm proven to be right. Or I can laugh about how I was joking, and/or the writers are clueless, if by some astronomical chance I'm wrong.

*Disclaimer:
I have no clue. Seriously. I don't work for Disney, or Lucas. I have not seen a script, or anything remotely leaked. I don't even think I know anyone who is working on this franchise. Well... unless you count the time a few years ago when I met Mark Hamill and he was hitting on my girlfriend. In his defense, I don't think he knew I was there. But when Luke Skywalker is hitting on your girlfriend, you let him!

So, I don't consider any of this spoilers, unless you take my word as law. But this is the internet, and nobody believes a word of it these days.

So with that, I give you...

Theory 1:

WHO IS REY

Rey is... Nobody! 

Okay, I'm not standing behind this 100%, but I love the idea! How awesome would it be, if everyone in the Star Wars universe was NOT related to everyone else??

Maybe Rey was training with Luke as a child for the simple fact that she was strong in the force. Ben (Kylo Ren) was impressed with her powers, so he either wanted to take her for his own apprentice to the Dark Side... or he just wanted to kill her. And sensing the danger, Luke protected her and quickly hid her on Jakku, instead of Tatooine, (because seriously, what kind of madman would leave a kid on Tatooine??), where he then wiped her memories. This could also explain why she quickly has a lot of Force powers, without any apparent training. It was natural for her to recall things she learned before being left on Jakku.  It could also explain why Kylo Ren is so obsessed with her, (other than the fact that he's never had a real girlfriend).

But seriously, can Jedi erase your memories? I'm not quite ready to buy that.

So, if the writers have half a brain, the best theory I heard was, Rey is a clone of... someone. Most likely she is a clone of Palpatine, or Vader. Her "clone pod' was opened earlier than it should have been on Jakku, leaving her with no memories, because she was born in a tube and released before adulthood. This could explain her natural predilection to the Force. And yes, I know Vader and Palpatine were dudes. But what better way to hide yourself and fool your enemies than to get rid of that pesky Y chromosome?

Theory 2:
KYLO REN

Okay, we all know who he is, so no real theory there. But why is he soooo obsessed with the Dark Side? Sure, maybe he loves his Grandpa, and his Snoke Machine, but I think there has to be more.

My theory: His Mask. 

Before going into detail, let me take you back to a time when George Lucas sold the rights to Disney. One of the first decrees from the Mouse, was that multiple books in the series, were no longer canon. Millions of voices cried out, as some of our favorite characters were silenced forever, (I'll miss you most of all Mara Jade!). However, there were many aspects of the Star Wars Universe that were never addressed... including The Old Republic.

Enter Darth Revan.

Revan first appeared in a Bioware game called Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic in 2003. The game took place several thousand years before Luke Skywalker, but the character of Revan and events during that timeline have become fan favorites. Currently, there is a very successful online game, called Star Wars: The Old Republic (SWTOR) featuring stories from that era.

I think Disney likes that. And I think they want to connect it.

I believe, there was a time when Kylo Ren was looking for Jedi (or Sith) relics, and he found one: Revan's Mask. In the SWTOR games, this is a popular quest item for Sith, because of it's power in the dark side of the Force. This could be heavily influencing Kylo Ren and directing his actions. Yes, I'm aware it doesn't look exactly alike, but people have repeatedly called out Kylo Ren saying he looks like Revan. And who knows, being the son of Han Solo, maybe Kylo Ren made some 'personal modifications'. 

I can hear you rolling your eyes at me already, but I have other reasons for this idea...

1. The Mask has weight to it. Every time he puts it down, there is a heavy thud. This reminds me of the One Ring in Lord of the Rings. Every time the ring was dropped, it had the same distinct thud because of it's power. Plus, notice how the camera seems to focus ominously on his mask when he puts it down.

2. Han Solo says, "Take off that mask. You don't need it." Maybe he knew the power and influence it had over him?

3. Kylo Ren says, "I'm being torn apart. I want to be free of this pain.". Revan was known to have been 'split in two', having power in both Dark side and Light sides of the Force.

And yes, I can already hearing you screaming at me, "...but Deeesher, in the new trailer, we see Kylo Ren's helmet was destroyed, and according to legend, it's impossible to destroy Revan's Mask!".
And to you, I say...

Symbolism! Or a vision? Something he must do? A nightmare perhaps?  Hmmm...
 
So, is it possible Snoke is aware of the power in the mask, and is using this to push him. Maybe Snoke gave him the mask because he felt... inadequate?

Which brings me to...

Theory 3:
WHO IS SUPREME LEADER SNOKE

 

Remember folks, these are my wacky theories, and this is one of my wackiest! 

I've heard people guessing this could be Palpatine, or even Darth Plagueis, (Palpatine's Master). Of course we could go back to my original theory about Rey, and Snoke is also nobody. Perhaps he is simply a new character and we are looking too deeply (for some reason) in our desperate attempt to make a connection where one doesn't exist. 

But I prefer to look a bit deeper.

I'm sure many of you recall Yoda's introduction. He was no Jedi Master. He was just a goofy little green swamp creature trying to steal food from Luke.

I have a similar feeling about Snoke. Maybe he isn't so giant as he appears in his hologram. And maybe he appears quite harmless in reality, carefully pulling strings in plain sight. Maybe, like Palpatine, he is pretending to be on the side of good, but in reality, he is putting things into motion to get exactly what he wants.

And, as some new toys seem to suggest, perhaps he is really a she...   

 

 That's right... Maz Kanata is Supreme Leader Snoke. 

People have said that Snoke is not a Force user. Maz has said she is not a Force user, but she knows about it. She had Luke's lightsaber. 

And before you freak out, I present to you... 

Exhibit A:

 Does it seem so crazy now? Holograms can add several feet to someone, and as any woman will tell you, the right makeup can hide many blemishes.

  

Speaking of insane, this brings me to my final point...

Theory 4:

LUKE SKYWALKER

I'm just going to say it... I think Luke is bat-shit crazy.

Originally, I was thinking it would be awesome if Luke was actually Snoke. I liked the idea of him turning Dark side and guiding things from the shadows. Many people believe that Luke actually did turn Dark side at the end of Return of the Jedi. He had plenty of reasons. And now, feeling the overwhelming responsibility of teaching a whole New Order of Jedi, one day he just snapped, wore a silly disguise, called up Kylo Ren on a hologram, called himself Snoke, and decided to use him to wipe out all the potential new Jedi, because he didn't want to run the risk of them destroying the galaxy.

As interesting as that idea might seem, I have heard in The Last Jedi, Luke actually does sound quite insane. I thought it would be awesome if Rey was walking past a cave, hearing him laugh like the Joker. Then she enters the cave, and sees only Luke, who denies anyone else being there.

Then I had a sudden realization...

What if Luke has been talking to himself for decades! 
No Force Ghost Ben, Yoda or Anakin, and his madness only made him think they were there guiding him! 

"...But Deeesher, how can you say this?!?" 
Well, has anyone else seen these Force Ghosts?

If you recall, during Empire Strikes Back, Luke was attacked by a Snow creature (Wampa), which he escaped from, only to wander through the freezing cold, barely alive. During his delirium, he suddenly 'saw' a vision of Ben, telling him to go to the Dagobah system. But what if it was all in his mind?

And while on Dagobah, I think Luke did a lot of training, and became more powerful with the Force... but was there really Yoda teaching him, or was it all in his mind?  After everything Luke has been through, it's not too difficult to imagine that he may have completely snapped.

Okay, I admit, some of these might be what you would call... Fringe Theories, (get it? Fringe?). But I sincerely would love to see the writers doing something unique and unexpected. My instinct is, they will write to the lowest common denominator, and not take any risks. They want to make a movie for the fans, so they aren't going to try to come up with anything too mind-blowing.

I would love to see Rey turn Dark Side, and Kylo Ren turn Light Side for some reason or other, so we could mix things up a bit. And of course, it would be nice to see Luke being heroic, but it's also conceivable that he is quite a broken man by now. 

Realistically, I'm just a clueless idiot, and maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised. In the end, I just want a movie that's fun, exciting, maybe a bit dramatic, without too many quick edits, and well lit, so I can follow the action.

Maybe I ask the impossible...
And that is why I fail,
Deeesher