The Hobbit - Tales of the Deeesher

At the risk of offending some of you, Kanye West is wrong. While I'm sure we agree on many other topics (whoever he is), Kanye doesn't believe in reading books. But the reality is you definitely should read. Read lots of books. Read them often. Read them hard. 

In grade school, I started reading Hardy Boys, most likely because our school "book collection" (definitely not a library) wasn't so impressive, and my guess is, I probably liked the covers too. I'm not sure I really understood them, but I loved the idea of using my own brain to create imaginative scenes from printed words. 

Then in 5th grade, I discovered a short story called Fever Dream, by Ray Bradbury. It truly changed my life! I needed so much more of this! So soon after, I got Fahrenheit 451, then Martian Chronicles, Something Wicked this Way Comes, and eventually The Illustrated Man. Those books were so important to me! I fell in love with Bradbury's imagination, and "poetic" style of writing. It also helped that they were a great escape from the real world (aka school), which generally sucked. This inspired me to join the science fiction book club, and get lots more books. I can't say I read them all... but I wanted to! 

I could go on about some of my favorites, like Roger Zelazny's Chronicles of Amber, or Douglas Adam's Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. And then I'd have to rant about how I became obsessed with Harlan Ellison's writing, who was one of the people I credit for making me who I am today. I can't say if that's good or bad, but regardless, that's what happened. 

So here we are, a few years after high school, and due to life being rather "life-y", I don't read nearly as often. In the last few years, I have picked up some of the classics, such as random Edgar Allan Poe stories, as well as the first Sherlock Holmes book, (which was awesome!). I also started reading Moby Dick, but kept getting distracted and still haven't finished it. I enjoy what I've read so far, and I want to finish it, I swear! I just need to get back into that reading mindset, and simply ignore life's annoying little influences. 

It does help that I surround myself with nerdy friends that enjoy berating me for not having read some of those classics. As I'm sure you can imagine, nerd peer pressure can leave you feeling rather desolated. But never are they more eager to take away my nerd card than when I tell them I haven't read... The Lord of the Rings. Yes, they react about the same way you just did. Sorry! 

In my defense, fantasy books were never my thing. Which is strange, because I played Dungeons and Dragons! Tolkien could easily be credited as the co-creator of D&D. But when I read books, I prefer something otherworldly, futuristic, or at the very least, a bizarre twist on our modern life. 

So it took me some time, but after my friends came down on me like wizards at my doorstep, they finally convinced me to go on an adventure, whether I wanted to or not. And after going there, and back, I'm ready to give you my review of:

The Hobbit

*Disclaimer

Normally I keep my reviews spoiler free. However since it's been over eighty years ago, I hope you'll understand if I cover some of the more poignant details in the story. If you'd rather not have anything spoiled here, please read the book and come right back. If you need encouragement to begin, I have some rather militant nerdy friends that would be willing to have a talk with you. 

Okay, show of hands, how many of you knew The Hobbit was a children's book? So... everyone but me. Fine. Yes it was written for children, which explains the songs and silly names (Dwalin, Balin, Kili, Fili, Dori, Nori, Ori etc). Keeping in mind that children from the 1930s were already far more intelligent than most adults today, it still made for a fairly easy read.  

Bilbo was a great character, and I could uncomfortably identify with his desire to sit at home and do nothing. But somehow Gandalf and the Dwarves convinced him to get out of the house. How? Apparently because thirteen on an adventure was unlucky...? But unless there is a great reveal later as to why it had to be Bilbo, I think there were plenty of other professional types of burglars they could have hired in the Prancing Pony tavern nearby. But I guess Halflings gotta have a hero too, so...

The actual travelling part of the book seemed to drag a bit, (as is common with most extensive journeys). But it was always fun seeing Bilbo become the reluctant hero. Whether fighting giant spiders, or playing uncomfortable riddle games with Gollum, or even negotiating peace with Bard, he was consistently clever and very good at thinking on his furry little feet, mostly out of desperation. And as we all know, a hero is only as good as the villain, and Bilbo was always facing some very interesting enemies. I particularly liked this Gollum creature, and hope we get to see more of him in the future! 

"...But Deeesher, what about the other heroes???"
Um... I guess Gandalf had a couple nice moments. Maybe I skimmed past the scenes where the other Dwarves saved the day? Okay, let's be honest, this entire book could have happened with just Thorin, Bilbo, and Gandalf. Well, whenever Gandalf wasn't off doing 'other things'. If you want to look at this metaphorically, an argument could be made that Gandalf was the "parent" letting Bilbo learn to do things for himself. But I prefer to think that Gandalf just had a bad gambling problem. Regularly he was teleporting out to the tracks because he had money riding on the ponies. Hey, he was a wizard, not the 'lead-to-gold' alchemist kind.

Now let's take a moment to talk about Dwarves.
Ugh... They're a hairy, beer guzzling, unkempt, warmongering race. My guess is they don't even bathe nearly as often as they should making them also quite smelly. Not only did Bilbo repeatedly have to save them, they did absolutely nothing to further the plot. In fact, they often seemed rather ungrateful for all the times Bilbo did have to save them! One Fourteenth was his cut... seriously?? He should have re-negotiated that contract. More like two-thirds the treasure by the time they got there! 

Having said that, I confess I did get a bit choked up when Thorin finally reconciled with Bilbo in the end. After all they've been through, it was good to see him come to terms with how much Bilbo really did try to help the disgusting hairy little bastards.

So I'm happy that I finally read The Hobbit, and I'm curious to read the next books in the series. I stand with many other LOTR fans in saying that the Peter Jackson Hobbit trilogy really sucked in comparison. He extended a lot of scenes that didn't need to be extended, added elements that didn't need to be added, and with a budget of millions of dollars, I will never understand how he made those effects look so bad!

However, if you get a chance to see the 1977 Hobbit animated movie, I think you will find that a much closer adaptation. And nothing against the Peter Jackson/Andy Serkis version of Gollum, but the animated version made him rather nightmare inducing *shivers*

Your Precious,
Deeesher

Harlan Ellison

Harlan Ellison unintentionally made me who I am today. 

Science fiction has always been important to me, partly due to Ray Bradbury and HG Wells, but it was Harlan Ellison that taught me how to write. Of course he created a lot of brilliant 'speculative fiction', but it was his commentary on the world around us that caught my eye and tickled my brain. 

I could never match his intellect, but when I write, I can sometimes hear his voice nudging me towards what to say and how to say it. Because of his amazing influence, I always wanted him to know how much I appreciated his talent, but he's obviously not someone I could easily meet. Then a few years ago, I was pleasantly surprised to find his website had his address posted, and he seemed open to anyone that wanted to send him actual mail. So, I was determined to write him a (way too) lengthy thank you letter, but as is always the case, life got in my way, and I kept putting it off. 

As of yesterday (June 28, 2018), it seems I put it off too long, because the legendary Harlan Ellison has passed away in his sleep. 

If you're unfamiliar with his name, you might know him from his extraordinary career. 

Harlan was best known for writing The City on the Edge of Forever, which is considered by many to be the best episode of the original Star Trek series. The irony of that is, he hated the episode. He wrote an entire book, reprinting his original script, and complaining about Gene Roddenberry. I read it, and I highly recommend it.

You also might recognize his name from the closing credits of the original Terminator from 1984. 

From IMDB:

"Science fiction author Harlan Ellison sued James Cameron, claiming that the film was plagiarized from the two The Outer Limits (1963) episodes that Ellison wrote, namely The Outer Limits: Soldier (1964) and The Outer Limits: Demon with a Glass Hand (1964). The concept of "Skynet" could also have been borrowed from an Ellison short story called "I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream." The suit was settled out of court and newer prints of the film acknowledge Ellison. Cameron has claimed that this settlement was forced upon him by the producers. He felt that Ellison was an opportunist making invalid claims, and wanted the case to go on trial. However, the studio told him that he would be personally responsible for financial damages in the event he lost the trial. So he had no choice but to accept the settlement, a fact that he has always resented."

Harlan Ellison never took any money for this movie. He only asked for a credit acknowledging his work. And that's what he got. 

For decades, he's been described as a curmudgeon, ornery, intimidating, and just brutally honest. But others have said he has a heart of gold and would go out of his way to help friends, or even a stranger, in any way he could. He's won dozens of awards and has more wisdom and experience than any of us could ever hope to accumulate. 

He had a commentary for Sci-Fi Channel (before becoming SyFy), and fortunately for us, they're all posted online. PLEASE watch a few of these here to understand a bit more about him. Each one is about three minutes long, and definitely worth your time. You can also see some of his more recent rants on his own YouTube page here. 

So now I have to ask myself, what is to become of the overly inflated fan letter I started writing? 

I guess I'll just post it here as an open letter, in the hopes that somehow, his spirit might be able to sense my gratitude in the æther. 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Mr. Ellison,

Hi, my name is Mike, and I've loved you for many years. To clarify, my feelings are strictly platonic, mostly due to my heterosexuality, although I do acknowledge that you are a good looking guy. I am in fact, deeply in love with your work, your wisdom, and your vast intellect.

Sadly, I think my "infatuation" is destined to be unrequited.  I say this, because I wrote you many years ago, after reading, Dream Corridor, and you never replied.  I know you're a busy guy, so I wasn't too upset.  But, I always had high hopes that the legendary Harlan Ellison would acknowledge my existence in some way.

I also wondered, maybe I didn't do enough to get your attention?  Maybe I was just one more annoying voice in the sea of endless banality you most likely get every day.  And in truth, I know I was quite the idiot when I wrote you years ago, (and most likely still am today).

I sort of imagined you adding my name to a vast compendium of other names, with stars next to each one, correlating the level of stupidity, like your own little black book of morons.  I sincerely hope my previous letter didn't garner a star (or two?) by my name.

But in the off chance that you were genuinely just too busy to reply, or my letter never even got to you, I decided to try writing again.  So here I am, many years later, pouring my heart out to you as concisely as my tiny brain will allow, in hopes to impart my undying gratitude and appreciation to your influence in my life.

I do apologize for the unnecessarily long introduction, but I felt the need to tell you that you have genuinely inspired me.

In middle school, I started reading Ray Bradbury, and HG Wells, and of course comic books, (mostly Hulk and Spider-man, but there were many others).  I was lucky, because my parents loved science fiction, so they would tell me about interesting things that they enjoyed when they were younger, which would generally scare the crap out of me (like some episodes of Lost in Space and Star Trek... hey, I was just a kid!).

I hated school, because I was a bit nerdy, and the masses seemed to enjoy picking on me, since I liked imaginative things *gasp!*.   And naturally, science fiction was a great escape for me from the real world.

So, in my efforts for escapism, I joined the Science Fiction Book Club.  And from reading the vague descriptions of each book, I was curious about and eventually bought your book, Stalking the Nightmare.  

Thank you!!

I still remember how I loved Djinn, No Chaser!  It made me laugh, with brilliant insults I could never be quick enough to remember if I should need them.

Of course there were many other fantastic stories as well, but that one always stood out. And since I was a slow reader, I really appreciated your short story format. I could get into the story, it would make me think, and get out, all within the same day. Rinse, repeat.

But eventually I read all the stories in Stalking the Nightmare, and the only thing left was Scenes From the Real World.  Ugh.... I  confess, as a kid, I had NO interest in reading about your personal life. I thought, "I'm living my own life, why should I listen to him rant about his problems??"  But I was desperate and a curious sort, so I decided to check them out anyway.

And suddenly something amazing happened:  I was entertained!

To my surprise, it seemed there was still plenty of flavor left in this book after I completely sucked the juice out of the fiction part. I still remember annoying my friend as I read The 3 Most Important Things in Life over the phone to him.  I wonder how much he really paid attention?  I seriously doubt I read it with the proper inflections.

Soon after finishing the entire book, I bought Shatterday, and then Deathbird Stories. Each time, I continued to be impressed with your style and imagination.

For myself, I did spend time trying to write, and created a few of my own short stories, but I never had the patience to write a full novel. And like any aspiring writer in high school that had noticed girls, I occasionally wrote poetry and nonsensical prose.

A few years later, when I began college, I started to write my own journal.  I had a useless job as a security guard, and spent lot of time staring into the empty void. I always hoped no evil doers would appear and make me do anything... because I was completely unprepared to deal with the criminal element. So I began to write.

Originally I was inspired to jot my thoughts down after watching Twin Peaks.  I loved hearing Agent Dale Cooper dictate his findings to Diane on a pocket tape recorder. I guess in some way, I was eager for my own life to sound a bit unnatural, like his.

But looking back, I can honestly say it was your original Scenes From the Real World, (and later Harlan Ellison is Watching on Sci-Fi channel) that I was channeling!

Unfortunately, it seems I've lost my spark of creativity and originality. But I do still cling to my (informed?) opinions, whether on movies, television, or occasionally music.  Sometimes those opinions are not so popular, even with my friends, which has given me a crisis of faith in my writing.  I find myself thinking... why should I bother writing, especially when friends disagree with me. I've always preferred aliens over alienation, so I never want to annoy anyone.

Today, I don't write as often as I should, because putting words in just the right order takes lot of effort for a simple guy like me. And I'm realistic enough to know, in this sea of idiots with a keyboard on the internet, I couldn't make a career out of this.

But I wanted to reiterate again how important you were in my life. I for one, will always promote your genius and outspoken views on the world. And I truly appreciate the originality I was lucky enough to experience from your works throughout my life.

I hope in some small way, I could get your attention this time.

Sincerely,

Deeesher