Thursday, December 30, 2010

In Case You Missed It

I say a lot of dumb things. Maybe years from now, psychologists can look at some of the things I've said, and conclude, "...well, there's your problem!". On the other hand, maybe future generations will study my writings and build a new society from the rubble of the old one, (and God help us all if this happens).

Most of my comments are posted as short silly Facebook Status Updates. Sometimes the world annoys and frustrates me, or sometimes I'm just making a nerd-inspired observation about the world around me. In the end, I always hope that I can make someone agree, or at the very least smile just a bit.

And please don't think this is a form of narcissism, or arrogance! One of the main reasons I'm doing this, is so I don't accidentally start repeating myself. But if you do find something you particularly enjoy, and want to use, I only ask that you give me credit, (cause I'm not making any money from this! But if you should feel so inclined...).

So it is with great pride, and shame I have logged a general digest of stupidity for you, in what I like to call:

In Case You Missed It

The next time you feel down and depressed, remember that someone somewhere in the world, touched themselves sexually thinking about you...
June 23, 2009 at 9:25pm

My entire life consists of never ending dorky useless projects I create for myself. Is that inspiring, or disturbing?
June 28, 2009 at 12:50pm

Maybe one day, I'll be as cool as my glasses
July 4, 2009 at 3:31am

WHY are fireworks the same as they were 30 years ago?!? I want NEW Firework technology dammit!!
July 4, 2009 at 9:40pm

I like to think everyone dislikes me. It makes me try harder to impress, and I'm never upset when I discover I'm right. And imagine how happy and surprised I am to learn someone DOES like me!
July 9, 2009 at 3:03am ·

Should I be concerned or happy if my mono mix sounded stereo tonight?
July 10, 2009 at 2:52am

I totally rule... whenever I'm not busy sucking
July 11, 2009 at 8:50am

Does everyone else want to smash their car repeatedly into the bumper of a car with a 'Baby on Board' sign, or is it just me?
July 13, 2009 at 1:40am

Always wondered what Jimi Hendrix, Pink Floyd, The Doors, Stevie Ray Vaughn etc would have sounded like without all the drugs and alcohol...
July 21, 2009 at 12:04pm

I'm always concerned about leaving fingernail clippings or strands of hair laying around cause I KNOW someone will use them to clone me and then I'm screwed! Yes, this is what its like living in my head...
August 13, 2009 at 7:53pm

Bad news - Turns out I'm not nearly as cool as everyone thinks. Heartbreaking as it may be for you, please try to continue like nothing has changed...
August 14, 2009 at 9:57pm

Things always seem a bit funnier by adding 'again' at the end of it. For example: "the town is being over-run by zombies... again" Or: "I accidentally killed one of those hookers... again"
August 24, 2009 at 1:02pm

I played tech support for my dad's computer problems tonight. He said he has Windows XP Professional version. I explained this was too much for him, and he needed to get Windows XP Idiots version. I am now up for adoption...
August 28, 2009 at 4:34am

Back to the eye doctor again today. Maybe soon I will be able to see all you people... and run fleeing in terror
September 1, 2009 at 12:16pm

Oh why am I cursed with having so many good looking sexy attractive friends??? Especially you!
September 12, 2009 at 10:40am

If you're a guy and your boobs are big enough to fill a bra, KEEP YOUR SHIRT ON PLEASE!!!
September 14, 2009 at 5:54pm

You think I'm a nerd??? Have you met some of my friends here? I'm an amateur!!
September 16, 2009 at 1:46pm

The best thing to happen to Chris Brown is Kanye West
September 16, 2009 at 9:51pm

Today I learned the economy sucks. Why hasn't someone warned me about this??? Someone should tell news broadcasters!
September 17, 2009 at 5:43pm

I don't need drugs or alcohol... I feel drunk and stoned all the time naturally.
September 30, 2009 at 3:01pm

I've been trying to be a sound engineer long enough. Its time for me to quit and just walk the earth, looking for adventures and solving mysteries. Who do I send the resume to for that?
October 2, 2009 at 12:56pm

Finding a needle in a haystack is easy... dive in, roll around and wait for it to poke you in the ass.
October 4, 2009 at 9:42am

Does anyone else think when they see a guy wearing really baggy pants, it looks like a dress? Someone should maybe tell them...
October 6, 2009 at 6:46pm

I remember when I had thousands of people cheering for me. Those were the days...
October 9, 2009 at 7:42pm

Today, I was convinced I was losing my grasp of reality. Then I wondered, did I ever really have a firm grasp of it to begin with?
October 10, 2009 at 3:41pm

Why yes, I do know why the chicken crossed the road. But legally I am not permitted to disclose that information at this juncture. Please fill out the proper Chicken Crossing Query forms or contact your nearest Poultry Motivation Official.
October 11, 2009 at 1:42pm

Indiana's state bird is the cardinal. I never saw one there, but in Florida, I see one almost daily. Do they know something we don't? And why do we have state birds?? Why not state dogs? State cats? State lizards? State spiders??
October 12, 2009 at 4:41pm

Why aren't there any cover versions of 'Happy Birthday' recorded? I would love to hear it with like a kick ass guitar or drum solo, or like a trippy DJ remix maybe...
October 15, 2009 at 11:46pm

The weather is changing. I know because my foot really hurts where I had my surgery last year. Either that, or the stuff he filled the bone with has decided to tunnel its way out...
October 16, 2009 at 10:53pm

I've turned my brain off for the entire weekend, so if there's something you need, sdflkasj;an,n.zxo mas,xc,l lk,,op o,.q.
October 17, 2009 at 9:40pm

My success and failure recently seems to depend greatly on how my hair looks, (sorry bald guys, short haired guys and fuzzy headed guys... you can't understand my pain)
October 19, 2009 at 5:38pm

I am convinced that whenever I lose something trivial, its people from the future coming back to steal small unimportant items from me to showcase in a classroom or a museum. "...And Deeesher often used this 'cap' on what we believe is called a PEN. We can only guess what these 'pens' were used for..."
October 21, 2009 at 8:13am

If I accidentally swipe my credit card at the guard gate, will they charge me to work here?
October 26, 2009 at 5:32pm

Okay, seriously... you're a woman and you walk around with a thick mustache... WHY are you not doing something about this?!?
October 27, 2009 at 1:31am

Someone seriously needs to consolidate all these vampire stories/movies/TV series into one, cause I can't keep track of all the vampire rules and character backgrounds. Maybe we can at least narrow it down to two, one sappy and romantic for the girls, one kick ass and sexy for the guys. Can the government regulate this please???
October 28, 2009 at 9:54am

Just saw Waldo driving west on I-4 in a Taurus. Weird cause I would think he would be driving in a luxury car by now if not even in a limo...
October 30, 2009 at 5:53pm

I hate the word 'pre-owned'. Since nobody likes the word 'used' either, maybe there is another choice. Unwanted? Unloved? I could sell a thousand cars right now if I market them as Unwanted and Unloved....
November 6, 2009 at 10:48am

Tonite, Billy Ocean finally came out of my dreams... and into my venue.
November 7, 2009 at 2:45am

I wanna be a douchebag too... everyone else is doing it!
November 19, 2009 at 11:18am

What the hell are you people staring at! This is perfectly natural....
November 20, 2009 at 11:59am

I feel so disorganized. Send in the clones!
November 23, 2009 at 3:09pm

Virtually everything we own is becoming virtual...
November 24, 2009 at 11:17am

Its so much easier to write about the world than to deal with it...
November 29, 2009 at 11:06am

But wait, there's more!
To be continued...


1 comment:

  1. Disturbing! Having said that, it was very interesting to read.