Star Wars: The Last Jedi Review

"...This is not going to go the way you think!" 
                                             - Luke Skywalker


This comment from the trailer for the new Star Wars movie, The Last Jedi, accurately summarizes the entire experience.

Since the release of The Force Awakens in 2015, a million and one fanboy/fangirls have posted their theories about what might happen in the next episode. I had my own theories, good or bad, that I posted here. But in the words of director/writer Rian Johnson, your Snoke theory sucks.

So with such high expectations for the saga, will anything truly satisfy everyone?

As with all things in the world today, this movie has definitely polarized fans. From comments like, "...this is the best Star Wars movie ever!", to "...this is the worst Star Wars movie ever!", it seems everyone has very strong opinions about the newest chapter in the saga.

Star Wars has become so painfully mainstream, it's as if it's ingrained into our DNA. We all have an idea of what Star Wars should be. So, can anyone really look at it objectively? Well, I'm going to see if I can let go of my feelings and try to review it fairly.

Ha! Everyone knows, there is no try! 

For this review, I'm going to break it down in two parts: Non-Spoiler, and Spoiler. The first half being non-spoiler, and don't worry, I'll give you plenty of warning before delving into the spoiler half.

NON-SPOILER REVIEW

Creator of the Star Wars universe, George Lucas, had an outline for the final trilogy in the series. But, for some reason, Disney threw out his notes and decided to do their own thing. The Last Jedi, was written and directed by Rian Johnson, but the origins of the current story arc, including characters, came from Episode VII, The Force Awakens, which was written and directed by JJ Abrams. And, as you may know, I'm not such a big fan of JJ Abrams.

"...but Deeesher, JJ Abrams rebooted and saved Star Trek AND Star Wars!"

Seriously, a couple of trained monkeys could have rebooted those titles, because they are popular franchises with an enormous built-in fan base. They were guaranteed to be box office hits. But "Successful" does not necessarily mean "Good".

Prior to Abrams and Lawrence Kasdan taking over the script for The Force Awakens, it was originally being written by Michael Arndt. He had some great concepts, and I highly recommend the book, The Art of The Force Awakens. In it, you will find rough drafts for the movie he was writing, as well as plenty of concept designs for the environments and characters before Abrams took over. I would have loved to have seen that movie!

But Abrams did take over, and for the most part, he played it safe, rehashing a lot of concepts from the original 1977 Star Wars A New Hope. He also created some new characters that were not so inspiring to me. Sorry, but I never really liked Rey, Finn or Poe. I don't find anything appealing about them at all. They didn't feel so heroic, and I had zero emotional connections with anything they did. You could replace them with blocks of wood, and I would have been equally as entertained.

"...oh Deeesher, you're just stuck in the past and only like old things!"

Ha! First, I'm only in my twenties (as far as you know), and I LOVED Star Wars Rogue One from 2016! I thought Jyn Erso, Chirrut, Baze, and Krennic were fantastic characters! I even loved K-2S0. I also really recommend watching the animated series The Clone Wars. The first couple seasons were a bit kid friendly, but later on, they had some great episodes, and some genuinely Interesting characters. So putting things in perspective, I just want something that will inspire and excite my tiny brain. And going into The Last Jedi, I really hoped these new characters would step up their game and add a bit more from the previous movie.

I'll even admit to liking BB-8 from The Force Awakens. I also like Snoke, and I guess I'm curious about Kylo Ren, and now finally we get... Luke Skywalker!

So, The Last Jedi continues their stories, and throws even more new people at us... which I didn't care about either. 

Fortunately, BB-8 was still awesome. Luke, Rey and Kylo Ren were, interesting, and I really wanted to follow them through the movie. The other characters just seem to push the story along. I will even go so far to say I really hated Poe's actions. Isn't he supposed to be a hero?? Why am I hating nearly everything he does? Shouldn't I be cheering for the heroes?

And as for Luke, I've read that some people complained about how he was portrayed here, but I didn't have any problem with it. His actions and behavior, for the most part, made sense to me. Of course I wish things would have gone differently, but I didn't write it.

And how was the writing?

Well, there was a lot of it. Two hours and thirty-two minutes is too long. Whatever happened to 'leave them wanting more'? It felt like the Netflix Marvel shows, where they give you thirteen episodes, but you would have been happy with nine or ten. The story moved along nicely, but I think it would have been more exciting if they had cut out a lot of unnecessary moments. A two hour Star Wars movie would have been fine with most fans. Dare I say, an hour and a half would have felt nice?

Fortunately for us, director Rian Johnson knows how to direct a movie. I could see the action, and there was some sweet emotional moments as well. I also appreciated the dialogue and it had a good sense of humor.

I can't say I hated The Last Jedi. But I won't say it was awesome either. Mostly, I had problems with some of the writing decisions. I prefer it over The Force Awakens, but the original trilogy still did it best. 

And, as controversial as this might be... I like Porgs!

And now, to properly dissect my review in half, I present to you a truncated picture of Supreme Leader Snoke, before going into Spoiler territory....

 **********SPOILERS**********

Okay, I was being kind for my 'general audiences' review, but there were a few writing decisions that really pissed me off, and there were a couple things I really appreciated. Going through the list:

1. Snoke. Seriously?? That's it?? What an incredibly anti-climatic conclusion to a character being built up as the ultimate power in the universe. I sincerely hope he manages to sew himself back together for the next movie, because if he's dead... lame! Oh Snoke, we hardly knew ye. I mean seriously, he just happened to be the guy to take over the First Order and mysteriously influence Kylo Ren... only to die before the final chapter?  Ugh...

2. Phasma. Possibly a bigger joke than Boba Fett's ending. Never have they built up such a powerful important character, only to have her be tossed in the trash compactor in the first movie then easily defeated in The Last Jedi. If she somehow survived to come back in the next movie, the only way to redeem herself, is if she takes over the entire galaxy. Are they really trying to promote strong female characters?? Because she's been beaten down and lost every time she's been on screen.

3. Space Leia. In the words of Han Solo... That's not how the Force works! I'm not sold on the idea of her holding her breath and flying through the vacuum of space to safety. I would have preferred a moment where someone goes to shoot her, and she raises her hand to block the bolt like Vader has in the past. Of course, I think there are any number of different ways to show she had learned some Force abilities, but this wasn't it.

4. Force Astral Projection. Some people had a problem with this. But I'll reluctantly give it a pass, moreso than floating through space anyway. Although, I would have preferred if Luke had shown up for a real battle. If he reluctantly left his home for one last fight, and let Kylo Ren kill him ala Ben Kenobi, that would have been a very powerful and poetic ending. But as it was, he looked cool, and I didn't mind it, mostly because his dying at the twin sunset was a powerful emotional scene for me.

5. Luke, Leia, and R2. Speaking of powerful emotional moments, seeing these characters meet each other, got me right in the feels. Oh... I have something in my eye...

6. Finn. I really expected him to sacrifice himself into the big cannon at the end, because he could have died a hero and I would have felt something for him. But... nope. Still don't care and he'll be back again for the next movie to do... something... I guess.

7. Yoda. This was maybe my favorite part. Yoda proves he is still wisest of them all, and I really enjoyed this a lot. Maybe this is one of the reasons why I didn't completely hate the movie.
 
8. Rey. I'm going to say it now... Kylo Ren lied to her. Her parents weren't 'nobody'. I still think she is a clone of someone, and I'm hoping it was Palpatine. We'll see.

That's it for now, nerds. Until 2019, when we discuss, Episode XI: The (Something) of the (Something)
Deeesher

Star Wars The Force Awakens Review

I have never been more frightened to write a review in my entire life.  I think Disney could have saved millions of dollars on promotion by just releasing one trailer, and letting the Church of Star Wars fanboys/fangirls do the rest.  The indoctrination of the masses has reached epic brainwashing proportions, and it seems you can't even have a serious intellectual debate anymore.  Either you love everything about Star Wars, or you're an idiot, a loser and probably a bed wetter.  Actually, you can dislike Star Wars... as long as you're talking about the Prequels. 

But I'm not here to rehash my love of sci-fi/fantasy, imagination, creativity and respect for the mythos George Lucas created.  Nor am I here to talk about my utter disdain for J.J. Abrams as a director, as I did here, and here... and here.  I'm here to say that I finally found a theater that wasn't sold out, that had available parking, and post Christmas shopping stupidity to finally watch Star Wars Episode VII:  The Force Awakens.

The plot (non-spoiler):  It's Star Wars, thirty years after Return of the Jedi.

After watching with a very open mind, in my humble opinion (if I'm still allowed to have one), there were many elements I enjoyed!  And some parts... I didn't *ducks*  If you loved it, that's great!  I'm very happy for you!  But I want to be clear about why I didn't enjoy SOME of it, so I'd like to break down all the players (playas?) as clearly as I can, so I don't get beaten up by nerds/geeks for my lunch money.  And for the record, these are my opinions.  I'm not trying to jump on some bantha wagon of haters and I'm not trying to use any jedi mind tricks on anyone.  I can only hope you can understand my perspective.

The real hero of this movie is producer Kathleen Kennedy. I'm beginning to appreciate more and more how much influence a good or bad producer has on the final release.  Many years ago, an idiot producer named Rick McCallum played Yes-Man to every moronic idea from George Lucas and helped create three movies with very little substance but lots of pretty effects.  Today, we call them Prequels.  Another director I used to love, Zack Snyder, was guided to make the horrible appearance of Man of Steel.  Then you have Kevin Feige, who is the super genius that produced some of the greatest Marvel movies ever, (Iron Man, Guardians of the Galaxy, Avengers, etc).  And Gary Kurtz, the original producer of Star Wars A New Hope, helped prove there is good in Lucas after all.  Ironically, Rick McCallum was producer of the Special Edition.

Kathleen Kennedy's credits include the original Poltergeist, Gremlins, Back to the Future, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, Jurassic Park, and many more.  And maybe they can't all be winners, *COUGH*indianajonesandthecrystalskull*COUGH*, but she definitely has proven she knows how to oversee and guide a project to create a fantastic film.  So, credit where credit is due... She helped reign in director J.J. Abrams, because it doesn't look like his typical style.  Maybe she helped him understand what a real color palette is, and convinced him not to use the shaky cam, and finally helped him recover from his lens flare addiction.  Or maybe they had many important meetings after reading my blogs.

Either way, giving proper credit, Abrams made a lot of fun ship battles.  There were some great moments watching the Millennium Falcon and X-Wings flying around.  And I have said in the past, he knows how to make ships look cool as he did in his version of Star Trek.  So for the most part, visually, surprisingly, it works.

Now let's talk story...

The credits list Lawrence Kasdan, J.J. Abrams, and Michael Arndt.  I want to know exactly who wrote what for this movie.  I have a lot of respect for Kasdan for writing the screenplay for Raiders of the Lost Ark, Empire Strikes Back, and Return of the Jedi.  I respect Arndt for writing Oblivion... but that's about it.  Abrams helped create/wrote for Lost and Fringe, which are two shows I kind of liked... sometimes.  So I want to know what each person added to The Force Awakens, because honestly... the writing was just okay. 

There were some nice ideas, but for the most part, the plot was very thin, and a re-hash of everything we saw in A New Hope.  And I'm pretty sure they pulled the Devil/Super-Devil scene from Family guy, ("This here's your Death Star.  And this is the Super Death Star.").  Sure we get some interesting new characters that have a lot of potential, and there were some nice lines of dialogue... but some eye rolling lines of dialogue as well.  It does have a decent sense of humor, and lots of fun action sequences, but almost no backstory that gives any motivation and help us understand exactly what's going on and why.

"Oh Deeesher, you're such a hater and total idiot!!  Everything will be explained later!".  And that's fine, you moronic lump of clay but I prefer my movies to be reasonably self contained.  I don't mind ending on a cliff hanger, and I don't mind wondering about certain aspects of a movie.  I don't need everything spoon-fed to me, but I think there were plenty of missed opportunities to give us a solid foundation of characters and situations that we could clearly understand and care about much more. 

For example, think about Luke Skywalker in the original Star Wars Ep. IV.  Between worrying if he could get to Tosche Station or not, whether his uncle would ground him forever for losing a droid, hoping he gets enough blue milk in his diet, and wondering if he can ever get off this sandy rock to have some excitement in his life as he stared into the beautiful twin sunsets of Tatooine against the powerful John Williams score, we really cared about Luke!  We wanted him to get the girl, and we were eager for him to learn more about The Force. 

This is the basis of a hero's journey!  How about Guardians of the Galaxy?  As a young boy, we see Peter Quill's mother die and suddenly he's taken away and in that very short scene, we choke back the tears as we instantly care about what happens to this character.  Steve Rogers from Captain America, was a little guy who got beat up all the time and did all he could to save everyone including jumping on a grenade, even though he didn't know it was a dud, long before he ever got his super powers.  Or how about the 1978 Incredible Hulk TV series, where in the first 5 minutes, Banner dreams of his wife and their wonderful marriage, and her sudden death as he wakes up in bed alone.  THOSE are powerful moments in character development! 

Now in Ep. VII, we get Rey and Finn, who make very sudden rash decisions based on... what???   Someone suddenly getting a conscience for no apparent reason, isn't quite enough for me to care about what happens to them.  Someone living alone on Not-Tatooine, collecting junk for muffin powder, isn't really pulling at my heartstrings much.  I care just enough to keep watching, but I'm not really emotionally invested in them like I should be.  As it was, in my theater, there were moments of lol, but nobody cheered, because there was no real attachment to these people.  The entire movie is set up for sequels, which I think is just poor writing.  A New Hope is awesome, because we care about what happens to those characters, and we don't need to see the other movies to understand it.

The acting was good and the new cast did a great job, but the older classic characters felt out of place.  It was as if older people were just pretending to be Han Solo and Leia.  Ironically, Chewbacca and C3PO still felt like Chewbacca and C3PO.  I think we could have had a movie that focused on the legacy of those classic characters, without actually seeing them.   The galaxy is a big place, and with the Force, lightsabers, X-wings, TIE Fighters, and even the Millennium Falcon, there was enough to help us understand and accept this as a continuation of the story.

So, sure it was enjoyable, but it didn't feel like THE GREATEST MOVIE IN THE HISTORY OF ALL MANKIND!!!  It felt like a way overly hyped fan film.  It just didn't make me feel like I was eight years old again.  I have plenty of other movies and TV shows that do that.  If I had to rate it, if Slave Leia is a perfect score, and Jar Jar is the lowest, I would give this an IG-88.  Sure he looks cool and plenty of details to examine, but he didn't really do much and we don't know anything about him, (assuming Disney destroyed all canon regarding him as well). 

And for all you idiots that think I'm not open minded enough to see this objectively, I will remind the members of the jury how I was really excited about the new Star Trek movies, and I was disappointed, and how I really didn't think Avengers would work, but I loved it, (read all about it here).

And now, since it seems I have failed in my teachings... I will go into hiding for thirty years.  If you need me, I'll leave a partial map in my droid.


Deeesher