Tron Legacy Review

Growing up, I never liked Disney. There... I said it. No, I haven't been brainwashed by Universal, but honestly, fairy tales and pixie dust just aren't my thing. However, occasionally Disney does slap together something impressive and non-animated, such as The Black Hole (1979), Dragonslayer (1980), and more recently The Pirates of the Caribbean series.

There is one particular Disney movie that has always been near and dear to my heart... Tron (1982).

Sure Tron was released years before I was born (as far as you know!), but it's a classic because it told an interesting and original (and fun!) story about what happens inside your computer. It stood out because it was the first movie to use computer effects to tell a story, which obviously spoke to computer geeks around the world.

Now almost thirty years later, we finally have a sequel: Tron Legacy.

Is it compatible with today's OS, or was it as painful as a blue screen of death... In 3-D...?

The story involves young Sam Flynn (Garrett Hedlund), who hasn't seen his father, Kevin Flynn (Jeff Bridges, and our hero from the first Tron) since he was a little brat. Sam grows up to be a bigger brat, pretty much hating 'the man' and fighting the evil establishment that his father's company has become, until one day he discovers how dangerous it is to click 'yes' on every pop-up on your computer. He accidentally gets transported into The Grid (aka inside the world of computers), and forced to play games to survive.

Fortunately for us, he finds his dad pretty much living as a Zen Monk. Unfortunately for everyone in The Grid, one of Flynn's older programs is seeking to destroy all imperfections... Including Users, (aka all of us).

Okay, it's not a great plot, (didn't we see Star Trek do this storyline once before?), but it's good enough to amuse my feeble brain, and it was nice to see some homage's to the original movie as well, (some more obscure than others). Just don't expect huge surprises or wild plot twists... Remember, this is still Disney folks.

What helps the story move nicely is Jeff Bridges, whether real or CGI, he is still very cool and managed to find the same spirit of the character he created in 1982. Another nice choice was actor Garrett Hedlund. Sure they could have picked Johnny Depp, or Shia Lebouf... But thank God they didn't! It was kinda nice seeing an unknown get a big break, and he was very believable as Kevin Flynn's son.

However the biggest nerdgasm goes to the effects! I reluctantly saw this in 3-D, (and we know how much I looooove that *cough*). But this time it worked! Unlike other 3-D attempts of the past, I could enjoy the action, and still kept things in perspective (pun intended). In your face Avatar!

I have total respect for the effects team, and conceptual artists for doing what they needed to do. They took the original 1982 ideas, and improved, not 're-imagined' them. And huge thumbs up to director Joseph Kosinski for letting me see the action, and feel completely immersed in The Grid, without any painful fast closeups and quick edits, or shadows trying to hide the beautiful world they created. My 125 minutes in the theater flew by!

Let us not forget the soundtrack by Daft Punk, adding the perfect tones to the visuals. In addition to the intense thundering sound effects of the giant Recognizer ships and light cycles, I think my eyes and ears discovered every frequency on the spectrum. I left the theater with the most exciting headache ever!

But... the reason you all hate me, is because somehow with all the surrounding coolness, I still find flaws, (however minor they may be). The movie is known as Tron, but we don't get as much from Tron (Bruce Boxleitner) as I would have liked. Sure he makes some appearances, but somehow I wanted a bit more.

And if I'm really nitpicking... the moment Sam gets zapped into The Grid was a bit anticlimactic for me. It just sort of happened, like an afterthought. As if maybe they spent all their money on other effects, and didn't consider for one moment the transition between our world and theirs should be a bit more momentous.

But what do I know...

I still can't decide between Quorra (Olivia Wilde)

And Gem (Beau Garrett)

And I know what you're thinking, “...Deeesher! Those outfits couldn't possibly be tighter!”. Oh yes... yes, I think they could be.

End of line.
Deeesher

The Fat Man Cometh...

Holy crap, is it that time of year again??? Its like we celebrate Christmas every year or something. Ooops... sorry, I mean "The Holidays", because it seems the "C-Word" has become a dirty word.

If I sound a bit cynical towards "The Holidays", maybe its because I am. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the concept, its just our follow-through that seems to suck.

But lets look at how many more accidents there are on the roads at this time of year. Or how about the 'holiday cheer' being spread in any of the malls as people frantically push and shove each other for the last remaining PS3, so little eight year old Timmy can play Grand Theft Auto IV, despite the game being rated M, for Mature (18 years and up).

Let's look at all those joyous souls going deeper in debt so they can make someone happy... so they themselves can be miserable for the rest of the year as they continue to get late notices for their credit card bill and eventually have to shut off the cable, *cringe*.

Or how about all the endless feelings of stress and obligation everyone feels to visit the malls, and family and friends and bring them the perfect gift, or prepare the perfect meal. Or the frustration of employees trying to arrange for time off work, or angry demanding customers screaming in their face because they can't give them exactly what they want or need.

How about the incredibly high suicide rate during "The Holidays"? Does that do anything for ya homes?

Despite the fact that Christmas was intended as a Christian holiday to celebrate the birth of Jesus, we as a society have twisted this into something... unnatural. Something called Santa Claus, (...insert dramatic music here). Maybe its because December 25th was originally a Pagan holiday celebrating winter. Is all the evil and negativity in the world simply God's way of saying "...pick another day dumbass"?

Well, I for one do not need a calendar to tell me to do something nice for others.

But maybe it's just me. Perhaps I have a personal grudge against this time of year. A grudge that can be traced back to a single moment in grade school in the small mid-western town I grew up in.

I was in the front of the school bus, sitting with my best friend, Scott. We were in a heated debate over the existence of The Claus. I always knew there was no such thing as Santa. Maybe my parents didn't want to give me a twisted sense of reality. Or maybe I was just smart enough to figure out there is no way in hell its possible... since we had no fireplace for him to use. Or maybe its because I was nosy and had a bad habit of finding my presents before they were wrapped anyway.

While my friend and I endlessly debated, I decided to finish it and pulled out my trump card... ask an adult. In hind-sight, I should have known better than to ask a bus driver... but he was the only one around.

You can imagine the Christmas chill I felt when this obvious Harvard graduate bus driver told my friend and I, there IS a Santa. From that day forth, I swore I would have my revenge...!

For those reading with children, and you have chosen this moment to bring them into the real world... I present the following foray into logic, (which I did NOT write by the way... but I wish I had):

Santa Claus:

An Engineering Analysis

1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop our of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh an move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purpose of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75« million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding, etc.

This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 time the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, the conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting the "flying reindeer" (see point 1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload -not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

5) 353,000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.

Enjoy your eggnog,
Deeesher

To John, with Love

I'm a 'Beatles person', as opposed to an 'Elvis person', (see Pulp Fiction deleted scene with Uma Thurman and John Travolta for details. In a nutshell, you can like Beatles and Elvis, but you always prefer one over the other). Which is funny, because my parents are Elvis people, but I never really understood why.  He was a performer, and didn't even write his own songs, (but don't try and tell an 'Elvis person' that).

Growing up in an Elvis house, I never got exposed to the Beatles. Of course I knew the classics like Hey Jude, and Let it Be, but I never heard Norwegian Wood, or I am the Walrus until I was over 18. I truly feel, the songs that John and Paul put together are some of the most original, and memorable songs ever written/recorded, and Abbey Road is one of the best albums of all times.

I also believe John Lennon was one of the most fascinating people in history. He was far from perfect, (as his exploits are documented often), but he had a gift, and a vision. Over the years, I have studied the Beatles, and John Lennon, (if you want to know more about John, watch the movie Imagine), and learned a great deal of respect and appreciation for him. That is why the following story is so special to me, even if it may not be true.

When I moved to the Orlando area, from Ft Lauderdale, I began searching for many things, like a decent place to find comic books, because yeah, I'm a bit of a nerd. Since I didn't know the area well, I went to a comic shop that was right around the corner from where I lived. It was a small place, and they didn't have a lot of the comics I collect, but I was desperate for my fix, so I kept going there.

One day, I was in his shop, and I saw on the floor the album Meet The Beatles mixed in with Frampton Comes Alive and Rumours, and other assorted cheese. I commented to the shop owner and asked if he knew what he had just laying on the floor, and he said:

"...yes, are you a fan?"
I said yes, and he said:
"Hold on, I'll show you something."

From the back room, he pulls out the album Imagine and a wool lined wooden cup with glasses in it. He said he got these things from a guy who owed him money, and this was collateral until he could pay him, and here is how that guy originally got them:

Apparently while staying in a hospital, an older man came by and asked if he had an empty bed in his room. The older man was unhappy with his current hospital roommate, so he wanted to change rooms if possible. The guy said sure. A few days later, the older guy gets a visit from John Lennon. John thanked the guy for letting his friend stay in the room, and gave him an autographed album, and the wool cup with the glasses. John said they were an old prescription, so he didn't wear them anymore, and he could have them.

This was what the comic shop owner pulled out from the back room. I looked at the autograph on the album, and I've seen John's autograph on other things, and I guess it looked real, (although I'm no handwriting expert). The interesting thing about the autograph was what it said:

"To Mike, Love John Lennon"

It didn't say to Bob, or Jim, or Bill... it said 'To Mike'. 

Just... wow! I felt as if he had written it to me, (I know it wasn't... but hey, isn't it cool to think it was?)

And then came possibly the single most coolest moment of my life. I pulled out the glasses. They were the same you see in the video for Imagine with the yellow/gold tint and round frames. I carefully put them on, and could feel my hands shaking. I was looking through the eyes of John Lennon! They were a very thick prescription. It hurt to try and see, but as I looked down, I imagined holding a guitar, and standing in front of thousands of people on a stadium tour. I took them off and gently put them back into the wool cup. I think it took a week to wipe the smile from my face.

I don't know if these were really John Lennon's glasses or not. It seems odd that something so significant would be sitting in a small comic shop in the middle of nowhere, and that a man would simply give someone these things as collateral... but remember, the name of the song?

Imagine

Deeesher

Heavy Metals

I recently got this very cool Moviefone app for my phone. With a quick punch of a button, I can see what's playing, show times, theaters, and even running times. Sure, I do miss the manly '...Hello! And welcome to Moviefone!' voice, but if I say it myself every time I use the app, it sort of makes up for it... because I sound that happy and manly too.

I used this app when I was looking for the IMAX version of Iron Man 2. With a spring in my step, I made my way to my local IMAX theater, only to discover one important flaw with my super-cool new app... It doesn't show am or pm! Surprise! Oh sure, I could have found another theater, or came back much much later, but it's rare I get out in public, and I didn't want to find that kind of courage to leave my home again. So I had to see Iron Man 2 on a frumpy old regular tiny baby-sized movie screen! How could I really enjoy a movie of this magnitude like that! I was obviously very concerned, and it didn't help that everyone had already told me how great this movie is, (and I have found if you have such huge-o-mongous expectations for a movie, it's guaranteed to disappoint!).

Despite all those hurdles and hardships for me to overcome, I freakin' loved it! Oh let me count the ways...

The story was fun and simple enough: Tony Stark deals with being a corporate success, as well as a superhero, with tons of money, and hot chicks, all while battling politics and people that want to kill him. The way his life mirrored my own was eerie!

It also helped that it was an action movie where you could see the action*gasp*! Jon Favreau rules! He figured out that a shaky camera, and ultra-fast edits, with the camera up the actors nose, just doesn't work! I hope other directors can get the hint...*COUGH*j.j. abrams*COUGH*michael bay*COUGH*
Robert Downey Jr, continues to be a very flawed and eccentric hero who is as much fun to watch this time as he was in the first Iron Man. And of course every hero needs a good memorable bad guy. This time, we get TWO! Both different, but you love to hate them all the same. Mickey Rourke as Ivan Vanko (Whiplash) who has come a long way from the pervert of 9 ½ Weeks, and Sam Rockwell (who we saw most recently going insane on the Moon), as the satisfyingly annoying Justin Hammer.

Oh and did I mention hot chicks? TWO yet again! Yummy Gwenyth Paltrow, (Pepper Pots), and equally as yummy Scarlett Johansson as the ass kicking Natalie Romanoff wearing her super sexy tight catsuit, (aka Black Widow, for the nerd elite).

I really liked the first Iron Man, but was 2 better? My crack staff of research scientists crunched all the numbers, and concluded... not quite! But it was a very close race! Mostly because his origin story felt very inspiring and I loved seeing the first time he did some ass kicking.

Be sure to keep a close eye on this movie for more sneak peeks of the upcoming Avengers movie to be released in 2012. Personally, I think with so much build-up, and so many characters, this is destined to suck! Hey, is that a huge crowd of nerds gathering outside with torches and pitchforks shouting obscenities at me?

Maybe this will slow them down a bit...

Deeesher

Kick Me

You kids have it sooo easy! When I was your age *said while waving my cane at you*, being a comic book geek was not so popular! I used to dream of a day when we would have 'kick ass' superhero movies. Now, after amazing hits like Spider-man, Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk, X-Men, Batman, (etc), I find myself seeing previews for a new comic adaptation and saying...WTF, another one?!?



That was my feeling when I saw the previews for Kick-Ass, (by the way, can I say that without offending anyone? Kick-Butt? Kick-Backside? Kick-Bottom? Kick-Buttocks?). Based on a comic book published by one of Marvel Comics lesser known divisions (Icon), my crack research staff (aka Wikipedia) has assured me that it is fairly close to the original storyline. But, while I am very excited about Iron Man 2, and a few other more 'traditional' superhero movies, Kick-Ass just looked goofy to me. I know, maybe it's supposed to be goofy, but I thought it sort of looked like Mystery Men (awesome but goofy Ben Stiller superhero movie), only not as funny. There are just so many mainstream comics with great storyline's, I just couldn't get excited about a silly one.

But generally, if you're not expecting too much from a movie, they usually catch you by surprise and impress the hell out of you. And it's true, I did enjoy it, but I do have some issues with it.

The story involves an average high school nobody, Dave Lizewski (Aaron Johnson) who wakes up one morning and says, "...I think I want to be a superhero, even though I'm a total wuss, with no fighting experience, or special weapons or powers or anything!".

Total respect for their examining my life in high school so closely, but (for me anyway), common sense always kicks in before getting your ass kicked... or even shot in the face. Bonus points for having your heart in the right place and wanting to do something about crime and injustice, but minus a million points for proving you're a freakin' moron!

And it didn't help there was nothing to grab me and make me root for him! No parents killed when he was walking home with them in a dark alley. No uncle shot by a bad guy he could have stopped. Not even a disability he was struck with and trying to overcome! I didn't care about our hero at all. This was one of the problems I had with Ang Lee's Hulk. I didn't care about Banner. But yet watch the 1978 television's The Incredible Hulk, and in the first episode, in the first two minutes, you care about this guy! I needed something to pull me in and captivate me, and reliving high school's woes was not enough for me. I wrote silly poems... he puts on a mask. Get over it kid.

But I know what you're saying (being psychic is one of my powers), "...but Deeesher, remember this is just a silly movie!".

Or is it?

There were some funny moments yes, but it does take some very serious turns. Which brings me to this soap box that I'm going to stand on for a bit...

What is a superhero? The underdog that wants to do the right thing. With great power comes great responsibility, but yet Kick-Ass says, "with no power comes no responsibility.". This is fine but maybe if your silly movie is taking so many serious turns, they need to remember you are still fighting for truth, justice and the American way. Are you really a true superhero if you stab all the bad guys or shoot them with a machine gun? Maybe Everyone was always eager for Wolverine to hack people to bits with his claws, but (unless things have changed recently), he never did. And maybe Punisher regularly shot people, but it's a well known fact he was unstable and seriously F'd up! The same could be said about Rorschach from Watchmen.

But I did say I enjoyed this movie! The narration was original and clever... oh wait, didn't we just do that a bit better in Zombieland last year? Anyway, the action was awesome, and seeing Hit-Girl (Chloe Moretz) kicking ass was fun. I liked the relationship with her and Big Daddy (Nicholas Cage). And did anyone else notice him channeling 1960's Adam West Batman's voice? Very funny! I was eager to hear him call someone 'citizen', or complain that some days you just can't get rid of a bomb. I also really liked Red Mist (Christopher Mintz-Plasse), and think he had the best storyline. Although, he will always be McLovin to me.

Maybe most of you are thinking I am being too nit-picky. Maybe I was just offended that we had a superhero movie, but nowhere did we have hot sexy women in spandex. I guess the best way to sum up my feelings is quoting one of my favorite superhero battle cries... "Spoooooon!" The Tick... there was an awesome but silly superhero!

Ask Alice...

In October 2000, a PC game was released called Amercan McGee's Alice, based loosely on the original Alice in Wonderland where Alice is a murderous psychotic. The game was okay, but the characters and story were amazing!



Tim burton's new movie was sadly not based on that game.


However, Burton does give us a very cool and twisted film!

I've always had a love/hate relationship with Burton. The love consists of Beetlejuice, and the hate... his re-imagining of Planet of the Apes. But he's won my affection this time by making Alice a very colorful artistic and fun movie. Visually, I think Burton has been making the same movie for over 20 years now, and seeing it in 3-D didn't really make it look much different or better, (*insert my rant about hating 3-D glasses here*).

But it helps when he hires the likes of (again) Johnny Depp (as The Mad Hatter), and (again) Helena Bonham Carter (playing awesomely over-the-top as the The Red Queen). Also Alan Rickman... will not... disappoint, (please read the previous line in your best Alan Rickman impersonation for the full effect) as The Blue Caterpillar. And it also helps that Alice (Mia Wasikowska) is quite a cutie!

The story is simple and straightforward, (although some of the dialogue is a bit difficult to follow because of some thick accents and many made up words), but it really makes you curious about reading the original books. Reading... What a concept!

Everyone knows I love to rip apart movies but I really can't find any flaws here, but at the same time I couldn't find any particular '...wow!' moments either, but I still really enjoyed it.

Actually, there was one '...OMG OMG OMG!' moment in the version I saw. A preview for Tron 2: Legacy! I hope you excuse me as I giggle and clap like a little girl now...

Deeesher

2012 - The Movie - The Review!

It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel... exhausted. Because when the world finally ends, it will consist of lots of last minute pulse pounding escapes. Of course I'm talking about the DVD release of 2012.



Sure, I could have seen it in the theater but sometimes you just can't justify the expense for a movie that you're pretty sure is going to suck. And sometimes, seeing it in the comfort of your home makes a so-so movie, just a bit better.

Roland Emmerich loves destroying the world. He did it in Independence Day, and again in The Day After Tomorrow. This time we can blame earths destruction on ancient Mayan geologists who predicted the world would end on December 21, 2012. Apparently their computers were better than ours, cause we didn't figure it out until 2009 when this movie begins. I'd like to think ancient Mayans used a Mac.

Overall, 2012 looked very impressive, (maybe they should have tried the 3-D release? Although I am still cringing at the thought of 3-D nerd glasses!). It is important to shut off your brain while watching this movie because Mythbusters has easily disproved many of the action sequences... but its still fun to watch a Winnebago leap over a ten foot chasm etc. And don't get me wrong, not every scene is a fantastic escape! A few people unexpectedly die in this movie... give or take a few billion.

One of the people trying to survive is John Cusak, who finally makes an appearance after a much needed break from staring in every movie released from 1985 to 1992. And surprisingly, he acts exactly like John Cusak through the entire film. It was awesome to see Woody Harrelson as survivalist/conspiracy theorist, even if he didn't have to kill any zombies this time.

The biggest drawback of 2012, is that its long, (158 minutes!). Seriously?! It takes that long to destroy the earth?!? And when you're not balancing on the edge of your seat, we have intense moments of sap. I completely understand why those moments are needed but, they often just felt forced, uncomfortable and overly drawn out between the action.

None of that made it a bad movie though. There was however, one other glaring flaw. At one point, they are trying to save all the worlds great treasures. But I did not see anyone packing up my blogs! Oh where is the justice?!