Deeeshing It Out

Boldly Going Where No Blog Should Go

2011-12-02T07:59:00.001-08:00

This may come as a shock to some of you… but I’m a bit of a nerd. While I try to maintain a certain amount of coolness, at the end of the day, I’m just a big dweeb.

I try to balance my dork-dom with a bit of cool, by having a cool job, (well, its SUPPOSED to be cool anyway…), and by having varied musical tastes ranging from cool artists like Coldplay, Green Day, Beatles, Stone Temple Pilots and Neil Young; to the not so cool, like… well, that’s kind of why I brought you all here today.

How would everyone feel if I say the name… William Shatner?

Yea, that’s kind of what I thought.

William Shatner is known for having a very ‘set-phasers-on-cringe’ musical styling. He is most commonly known for butchering Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds, which is accepted as one of the worst cover songs of all time. George Clooney has said he would bring this song with him if he was stranded on a deserted island because, “…If you listen to [this song], you will hollow out your own leg and make a canoe out of it to get off this island.” Ironically, I felt the same way about watching your Batman & Robin, George.

Check out Shatner’s classic rendition of Elton John’s Rocket Man.

In the end, I respect this because it’s so bad… it’s good. Say what you want, but I do enjoy cheesy cover songs. I loved his versions of songs on the MTV movie awards years ago, and I enjoy the over-acting goodness of his Priceline commercials too.

So, when I accidently came across his 2004 song, Common People, I loved it! It was fun, and pop-rocky and really made you want to build a shrine towards all things Shatty. So, I got the entire album it was featured on, called Has Been.

Here’s where things get weird…

I expected big, over-the-top goofy Shatner. But, while listening to him doing a song about a man trying to meet his estranged daughter, and a song about a man striving for success but finding none, and then hearing him do a monologue on finding his wife in the pool after she overdosed on alcohol and valium, I began to realize… this is serious.

But here’s the twist… its good! I mean, NOT in a goofy over-acting sort of way, (although there are a few goofy songs on here), but in a well written, and well performed sort of way.

Not only is Shatner’s dialogue extremely enjoyable and heartfelt, the music is incredibly well produced and performed. Turn’s out there is a reason for this, by the name of Ben Folds, who produced and co-wrote many of the songs with him. It also features, Joe Jackson, who does the vocals on Common People, Aimee Mann, who does vocals on another song, and Henry Rollins on yet another. Isn’t this one of the signs of the apocalypse when Henry Rollins performs with William Shatner???

I don’t think The Shat did an actual video for anything from this album, (surprisingly), but I did find a live version when he performed on Jay Leno. While not quite as good as the CD version, this is still pretty decent.

Joe Jackson & William Shatner - Common People by Pius35

Bill (as close personal friends like me call him), recently released Seeking Major Tom, (review forthcoming). At this point, I usually make some attempt to summarize and wind this blog up… but I think I’ve said too much already.

DISCLAIMER

The picture on my profile is edited in Photoshop, and NOT me dressing up to go to the conventions.

I still have at least that much dignity,

Deeesher

Oh Captain My Captain... America

2011-08-07T10:09:00.000-07:00

Yay for World War II!!! Wait... That came out very wrong, (although maybe a bit better than saying Yay for Hitler!). But you have to admit, without World War II, we wouldn't have awesome things like Raiders of the Lost Ark, or Werewolf Women of the SS, or Nazi Zombies... or Captain America!

I know what you're saying now, “But Deeesher, how can you say Captain America is awesome when you don't own any of his comic books!” First, what makes you think I collect comic books? Oh... *sigh*. And second, you're right, I have never had any interest in Cap (as his friends call him). In fact, he always seemed like a virus that just wouldn't go away! Every time I turned around, Captain America was making an appearance somewhere. Not really doing anything, just looking... buff. And when I first heard about the movie version, I did some serious eye rolling. You know, it was the same eye rolling I did when I heard about Thor, and Green Lantern, and another re-boot of Spider-man, and The upcoming Avengers movie. I'm all for a good comic book movie but I'm starting to wonder if everyone has run out of original ideas. Wait... don't answer that.

Because I'm not familiar with the original Captain America comic, I'm not entirely sure of his origin, so I have nothing to base the premise of this movie on, beyond what I know. And from what I know, it seemed authentic enough. Most of the movie takes place in 1940's at the height of World War II. And all hail director Joe Johnston who kept everything looking very authentically 1940's, with all it's dull earth tones, and the massive machine's and their giant dials and levers to the innocent sounding dialogue. Nobody said golly gee whiz, but I prepared myself for the possibility.

So we have overly eager but digitally shrunken and wussy-looking Steve Rogers (Chris Evans) trying to be all he can be in the army, when one day a kindly old scientist (Stanley Tucci) takes an interest in him (a story we've heard a million times before). After shooting him up with tons of experimental drugs, he comes out big and buff... sort of like me, (as far as you know), and eager to fight bad guys like Red Skull, (played by Hugo Weaving who made a great Elf, and Agent, and now he makes a great Nazi).

It's a simple plot, with some good action which makes it easy for my tiny brain to digest. And I'm far from patriotic (if you're really brave, read my political views here), but what makes Captain America work, is he is a hero! Sure most every country in the world hates us (with good reason) but I think most any country would be proud to have this man represent them. It just so happens that he has the name America, and not *insert country name here followed by obvious stereotype regarding said country here*. He put it all in perspective at the beginning of the movie, when they asked if he wanted to kill Nazi's. He said, “I don't want to kill anybody. I don't like bullies; I don't care where they're from.” That is a hero I can respect!

I saw Captain America: The First Avenger (the official title... whatever), in 3D (whatever again). I feel the same about 3D as I do all these comic book movies. Sometimes it works, but most times it seems unnecessary. This time, it sometimes worked, but you could save the extra few bucks and see it in two dimensions and your life will be just fine.

It was nice to see a director who knows how to edit a good action scene so you can actually see the action (what a concept!), but there isn't much about the overall style (beyond the bland 40's look) that jumped out and overly impressed me. I also thought, as impressive as the digitally shrunken Chris Evans was, they should have done something with his voice. It just seemed a bit odd hearing this deep manly voice coming from such a tiny body.

There is definitely a lot to enjoy about this movie so go check it out. And finally, if you're hoping for something sexy in your 40's flick, check out these gams...!

Yea, if you're not into staring at Chris Evans overly manly sized body (and why would anyone want to see that???), Peggy Carter (Hayley Atwell) showing off a bit of leg is as sexy as it gets for you...

Deeesher

Who's Blog

2011-07-13T00:09:00.001-07:00

If you are not watching the newest Doctor Who, (which airs everywhere from BBC America, Sci-Fi Channel, and yes, even PBS [???]), then you're IDIOTS!!

I have been watching this show since the revival in 2005 with Christopher Eccleston, and can I just say... wow!

Now, I say 2005, but 'unofficially', this is an ongoing series that started in 1963. Yes, I said 1963! There was a big gaping hole between some seasons, but that didn't stop Guinness Book of World Records from calling this the longest running television series ever, (take that Trekkies/Trekkers or whatever you call yourselves this week).

I confess I never watched it before the 2005 revival. And while I know for some that may be grounds for turning in my nerd-card, but... seriously, look at my profile picture... do I have anything to worry about?

The main reason I never watched it before was because when I saw the occasional 70's episode in the past, it would always be in the middle of some obscure story arc, and I have no idea what's happening, so I just never bothered to watch, beyond the cool intro music.

Fortunately, the BBC in all its genius has chosen to continue this series and for the most part, each episode stands alone, so you don't have to watch every one to know what's going on. Sure, there is an overall story arc that often ties things together, and it would help if you saw this episode, or that one... but its not required viewing thankfully!

All you need to know is that The Doctor is an alien called a Timelord, and he travels around in his time machine called the Tardis, that looks like an old British police call box, (the part that alters the appearance of the Tardis... um... broke, so its stuck in this form). When The Doctor dies, he conveniently regenerates, giving him a new appareance, (which is handy for whenever anyone's contract is up, or they decide they don't want to return for another season).

He is mostly just a curious explorer that bad things tend to happen to. And normally he finds a curious female friend who just happens to be from earth, and happens to be attractive to travel with him to keep him company.

Here in the US, we are starving for decent science fiction. Sadly, all we have is the occasional better than average Star Trek's, or the New Battlestar Galactica... *insert taste of bile here*, and read my views on it here), and fortunately for us, someone at the BBC knows how to write it!

Doctor Who is real science fiction writing, with unique aliens, stories that are waaaaay outside of the box, (umm... no pun intended... police box... get it?), and very engaging characters.

I got hooked on the show watching Christopher Eccleston as the ninth Doctor, and then feel in love (heterosexually... for the most part) with David Tennant as the tenth Doctor, (if anyone's counting), and he was so much fun to watch! He's a bit psychotic, (but in a good fun sorta way), as well as energetic, fun, goofy, and extremely passionate. I can't say enough about what an amazing actor this man is! He has really helped give the extra kick to already fantastic storylines! (I'm just going to go ahead and put an exclaimation mark at the end of every line in this blog now, cause I'm that excited about this show!).

Find this show whenever it airs, record it, watch it, and then send a nasty letter to all the ....US.... networks saying WTF?!?! The ....UK.... has this, while we get a reality show about The Cape, or 16 and Pregnant?!??!! Seriously people!!

Now, lets talk about Martha and Rose!!

mmmmmm....!!!!

Check out the official website here !!!

Sorry this blog isn't longer, but now I'm off to check out the spin-off called Torchwood!!

Oh but wait... this is version 2.0 of this blog!
I've seen all of the first season of Torchwood!!
Its.... okay... I like characters.

But wait again!!!
Matt Smith is the eleventh Doctor and I'm still loving it!!!

But wait one more time!!!
How about seeing a short eight minute 'transition' video that was made before season 4 began?!?!

This short was created for a special on BBC, and pays homage to one of the original Doctors. Peter Davison returns to interact with the new Doctor. Maybe in this short segment you can appreciate how interesting this character is to watch. It is particularly interesting because David Tennant grew up watching Peter Davison as the Doctor, which is why he has the wonderful comment "...you were my Doctor." Enjoy!!

B.S. Galactica

2011-07-13T00:04:00.000-07:00

It seems every week, there is a new crappy remake being made. But there is one particular crappy remake that has somehow managed to brainwash all of society! I constantly try to express just how bad this show is (was since it ended), but somehow, everyone feels I am the clueless idiot, (which may or may not be true, but not regarding this particular issue!). For me, this is a travesty still haunting our hearts and minds... I'm speaking of the New Battlestar Galactica.

Oh I heard the collective *gasp* from all of you B.S. Galactica lovers out there! I don't want to hear it! Especially since this is my blog. Let me take a moment to enlighten the world and maybe together, we can try to figure out just what went wrong...

Set your wayback machine to the year, 1978. Only a year after a little known movie named Star Wars hit local theaters, but a year before Buck Rogers in the 25th Century hit television screens, (mmmm... Wilma Deering in spandex pants... *insert drool here*). You know the time, the same year as The Incredible Hulk starring Bill Bixby and Lou Ferigno aired, (WOW, what a kick ass era... if not for all that pesky disco).

A simple man by the name of Glen A. Larson, finally gets a script that he had been working on for the last ten years produced into a movie, named Battlestar Galactica.
It really is quite a shame that little Glen A. did not have more success. Instead he just kept cranking out flop after flop, like The Fugitive, It Takes a Thief, Quincy M.E., McCloud, BJ and the Bear, Manimal, Magnum P.I., Fall Guy, and Knight Rider to name a few. Maybe if he had better luck, one or two of these shows would have been a success, (for those of you not paying attention, that entire paragraph was thickly laced in sarcasm).

Now where was I? Oh yes, 1978...

This show had EVERYTHING! It had space battles (with lasers!), gun battles (with lasers!), scary robot creatures with funny voices trying to kill mankind, (aka cylons), it had humor, originality, a GREAT theme song (check it out here), adventure, suspense, drama, and some very impressive Shakespearean type of actors.

Ok, let me qualify the above statement... This show had its, corny bits too, which are most obvious in the goofy mechanical dog, and a couple of episodes that were just not well written. In fact, out of the 17 episodes (or so... some were two or three parts), that were made, many believe only three of them were any good. I think there were maybe five or six that were good. But the show had GREAT potential.

What made it particularly good, was that it was based on action/adventure, with a very insightful inspiring leader, (Commander Adama played by the late great Lorne Greene), and was essentially a buddy show. Apollo and Starbuck were opposites in many ways, but yet whatever they bumbled through, worked in the end, and usually involved lots of explosions, and we had fun along the way. It was very much in the style of Luke Skywalker and Han Solo, (lets not discuss the attempts Lucas made to sue the show here).

Unfortunately, due to a HUGE price tag per episode, Universal Studios decided not to re-new the series for a second season, (go figure... Universal Studios trying to save a buck... weird). Fans were outraged and begged for more. Richard Hatch, (who played Apollo) was outraged and demanded more. For years, he fought very hard to get his version of Galactica aired. He had a vision of a new series picking up years after the original ended, where Apollo was now commanding Galactica.

For reasons that scientists will spend years trying to unravel, Hatch's Galactica was not developed... however, another.... gentleman, by the name of Ronald D. Moore FINALLY got the okay to do HIS version of the series.

In the essence of fairness, lets take a look at Ron's resume. Well, looky here... there are random episodes of Star Trek, (Next Generation, Deep Space Nine, AND Voyager), as well as First Contact (Star Trek 8 for those keeping score), Roswell, G vs. E (THAT was a great show FYI), Mission Impossible II, and Carnivale (which I have heard good things about)... and that's about it.

With that in mind, one might think Ronald has his finger on the pulse of science fiction... lets watch what happens, shall we?

First on Ron's list of things to do... make Starbuck a woman. Not a tough sexy chick mind you... just a total bitch. While we're at it, lets also make Boomer (originally cast as a black man), an Asian woman (mmmm... it is Grace Park... *insert more drool here*).

And to cut down on the budget, lets not feature the mechanical cylons on every episode... IN FACT, lets just say they look human now! Hey, it worked for the Terminator, so it will be even better here!

Lets also get rid of any pesky "lasers" and just have regular bullets. Lets also have every episode deal with things people can easily relate to, so nobody has to actually 'think' while watching this show. Things like, abortion, breast cancer, alcoholism, religion, and rigged elections just to name a few.

And so we can save money on a wardrobe person, lets give the cast regular suits and ties, and glasses to wear. You know, modern clothes, because I'm sure billions of light years away, people in space wear the same types of things we do.
While we're at it, lets higher a drunk cameraman so the camera doesn't hold still on any particular shots just so our audience doesn't get bored and fall asleep watching one steady shot.

I watched the first mini-series, with low expectations. Ironically, I was not disappointed. It sucked ass on levels that I did not know existed. I WANTED to like this show, but it really just wasn't that good. Maybe.... MAYBE, if they had called it something else, I might have accepted it a bit easier... but this was most definitely NOT Battlestar Galactica.

And in the history of bad television, the show got picked up for a series. So, again I think, ok... I will continue to give it a try. Maybe something will impress me somewhere.

Nope.
For almost six episodes, I kept waiting, but they were all the same sappy crap. There was no action. There was no adventure. The 'buddy' thing was completely gone. The inspirational version of Adama was replaced by the ultra-depressing Edward James Olmos. The cool cylon voices were gone... as were the cool cylons for that matter. When we DO get to see a cylon (every fourth episode or so for a tenth of a second of screen time), they look very cool.

In the end, I gave up on this show... until...

People started talking about it. People everywhere were telling me, "...Deeesher, you should watch it, its really getting good!" So... me being one that will forever give into peer pressure, I tried again.

I just finished watching both the first and second season, and I have to admit... it STILL sucks!

I am so sick of these peoples sappy issues, and constant whiny attitudes about everything! Or, maybe that's just the drunken cameraman making me sick.
Why is everyone saying this show is good? Someone explain to me, because I don't get it. Maybe one or two episodes were... interesting at best, but I see ZERO elements of science fiction in this series. The only sci-fi elements I see are the fact that they are in space, and that cylons 'clone/download' themselves after they die.

Maybe people say its good because the public is starved for a good sci-fi series. Check your tv listings. Do you see anything current (aka non-cancelled) on 'prime time', (whatever that is) even remotely science fiction? Well, Stargate, (whatever), and Smallville, but I don't think that counts since it was only good for the first four seasons, and Smallville wasn't a 'space' story, and the new Doctor Who, (not a fan of the older ones, but this is VERY good! Click here to hear me sing its praises), and Heroes, which I loved the first season, then slowly started going downhill just before it's cancellation *sigh*.

Wait, there is ONE element of science fiction in this series. Its was re-newed for a THIRD season.

By the way... did I mention Grace Park?

Deeesher

It's Alive

2011-05-08T16:14:00.000-07:00

On April 1, 2008, I documented my experience twelve hours after having an Aneurysmal Bone Cyst removed from my foot (or ABC... WTF???). It was something that just randomly starting growing in my foot, (which was originally diagnosed as Tendonitis, which I attributed to too much ass-kicking). In the MRI, it looks sort of like a coral reef where the bone should be. It was my first surgery ever, and hopefully my last. Although it was not as traumatic as I worried it might be, I thought maybe historian's would want to read about my thoughts before, during and after. I felt fine, but maybe my words show how heavily drugged I really was? Decide for yourself after reading... It's Alive!

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If I died during my surgery, then I am writing this as a disembodied spirit... and how cool is that! On the other hand, it means that I am roaming the earth with some unfinished task, or I am in hell, which looks a lot like the real world.

Since it seems I am alive, I thought I would document my experience this morning, instead of repeating myself over and over. Oh, that's right... not everyone reads my blogs, so I'll have to repeat this story over and over anyway.

I discovered last night that I have an addiction... to water. I was almost going into cold sweats after midnight when I was told I couldn't eat or drink anything until after my surgery. There is nothing worse than someone telling you to not do something. My inner child was throwing a tantrum. I would have screamed, but my mouth was way too dry.

Since I worked last night, I didn't sleep and went online to search out some much needed porn to help create valuable drool that my dry mouth needed due to the absence of water. I also needed the distraction to not think about someone hacking into my foot in a few hours, and something to keep me awake so I wouldn't need much anesthesia to put me to sleep, if any.

Reluctantly, I left at 5:30am with my woman and my parents (who drove all the way from Indiana to hang out with me this week to listen to me complain... what are parents for?).

It is important to note that the zoo is right next to the hospital. I had images of my parents dropping me off at the wrong one, or simply returning to the zoo for a replacement for me if anything went wrong.

At 6:00am, we arrived, (at the hospital, not the zoo... I think). Twenty minutes later, they called me back and let me take ONE other person with me. After much finger pointing from everyone, my mom went back with me. Is it that she stepped forward, or did the other two simply step back?

They lead us to the prep room, where they told me to remove all my clothes and put on this unbelievably fashionable green gown. I did ask if I could keep on my underwear, and she assured me that I could because my Talus bone (the one about to be operated on), was not there. At least I could have some dignity... until they put on the silver fluorescent night cap. At that point, I was very eager for some good drugs.

But, I was denied the drugs, and simply had to wait... and wait... and freakin' wait! I began to think this was an elaborate April Fools joke, (oh like you wouldn't laugh your ass off seeing me dressed like that!). Fortunately, my mom was very helpful at passing the time, since she is the best talker in the world. She could go on endlessly for 30 minutes about a piece of lint she found in her laundry.

An HOUR AND A HALF LATER, someone finally showed up! They asked me a series of questions, and wrote down a bunch of things... and then 30 seconds later, someone else showed up, and they asked me a series of questions... wait, didn't the other nurse just ask me that? Then 2 minutes later, someone ELSE showed up and asked me a series of questions... the SAME freakin' questions! Was this a test??

Were they waiting for me to screw up?? I was ready to just write it all out and point to the answers. Maybe in the future, scientists will develop some type of 'chart' technology, where they write everything out so anyone can read it.

During all these questions, one nurse chose to start jabbing me in the arm with a sharp needle. Was this finally the good drugs I've been so desperately waiting for?? Alas... no, only some antibiotic.

Then, it seems they decided to ignore me again. So, we waited, and waited... and waited... Then they told me I could have my other visitors come in to see me if they wanted to. So, my mom went and got them. I told them I was still painfully very coherent.

My nervousness became frustration as I continued to wait for SOMETHING to start happening, (would it be wrong to say I was 'im-patient'?).

Finally, someone came in to wheel me back to surgery. *gulp* WAIT! THE DRUGS!!! I STILL FEEL EVERYTHING!!!

I arrived in the operating room with two giant big screen tv's each displaying my heartbeat and other fancy information about me. As I watched all the bodies frantically preparing everything around me, I realized something very important... this day was all about me! Wait... is that country music they're playing??? NOOOOOOOO!!

Then someone shoved a gas mask over my mouth and nose, telling me it was some oxygen, and to breathe deep. Two breaths later, I was out like a light. You would think I would notice someone taking a knife and hacking deeply into ankle bone, but I slept through the whole thing. I know I dreamed, but I can't remember. Maybe I was dreaming about someone hacking into the bone of my ankle.

I was woken by a nurse telling me it was all over. It felt like nothing. No, really, I mean it. I sat up and watched all the other nurses, and patients laying around in the post-op room. I felt very talkative actually. I began to try to have a conversation with everyone passing by because... it was OVER!

Apparently they even shoved a tube down my throat, (oh, not while I was trying to talk, but during the surgery), and yes it felt a bit scratchy, but I was fine. I couldn't help feel a bit awkward when I realized none of the other recovering patients were talking. I then thought, maybe I should just shut the hell up.

By 2pm, I was home, and in bed. But I wasn't really tired. For those looking to 'score', the prescription I was given, is "Lortab"... sorry. I was originally promised Percocet.

I'm home, hobbling around on crutches for now, and other than feeling like my entire foot is encased in concrete, I feel like nothing happened.

For those with the foot fetish, my doctor plans to unwrap me in a couple weeks, then I get to wear my big S/M boot.

Trust me, you'll understand when you see.

Deeesher

Punching Suckers

2011-04-12T00:44:00.000-07:00

Last year, I saw previews for the movie Sucker Punch, and instantly felt this was the greatest movie I will ever see! It had everything; explosions, giant samurai robots, fire-breathing dragons, sword fights, women in prison and more...!

So here we are after a year of eager anticipation, and I see many negative reviews. Yikes. What went wrong?!?

Let me first say I disagree with a lot of the negative reviews. I enjoyed it quite a bit, (although it's not as perfect as I'd hoped), but this is much more of a cult classic than easily accepted general public eye-candy.

I think for the average moviegoer, the story was a bit too cerebral. Sure the setup is easy enough: Baby Doll (Emily Browning), is sent to a mental institute by her psycho stepfather a la a very cool music video style intro. And that's about where common sense ends... Well, if you call naming your main character Baby Doll 'common sense'. From there, her mind sends her to work in a 1940's brothel with other girls who just want to escape. During their escape attempts, Baby Doll dances, which transports us into an almost anime style steam-punk world where all the super ass-kicking happens. Um... yea.

Zack Snyder wrote it, as well as directing and while the writing isn't bad (although maybe a bit pretentious at times), maybe he should stick to making comic book movies like 300 (where my bromance with Zack began) and Watchmen. I also wonder if focusing so much on the writing, affected his directing. Zack loves his slow motion and generally in past movies, the action was very fun and exciting to see. This time however, some action scenes felt like he was falling into the Michael Bay trap of quick close edits. Oh don't worry, nobody is that bad!

The characters are all interesting to watch, and women should appreciate it because the girls aren't dressed gratuitously. I still think they could have made the outfits a bit more sexy... but I only say that cause I like a bit of sugar in my eye-candy. Oh relax people, they made a point to show the girls are over 18!

These legally aged adults consist of Baby Doll in her blonde pigtails and school girl outfit swinging around samurai swords, (if you're into that sort of thing). We also have Sweet Pea (Abbie Cornish), Rocket (Jena Malone), and my personal favorite's Amber (Jamie Chung), and Blondie (Vanessa Hudgens... who I hear has naked pictures of herself on the internet somewhere, again if you're into that sort of thing).

In a world where all men are awesomely evil, we do get one Wise Man played by Scott Glenn. While he did a fine job, all I could think was how perfect David Carradine would have been for this. Oh David, why did you have to pleasure yourself to death?!?

Sucker Punch is a unique movie with a look and style all it's own, feeling like a very fun mash-up of video games, and anime set to a great soundtrack. Much respect to Zack Snyder for filling in that steam-punk gap that has been missing from our movies for so long now making me very eager to see what he will do with Superman when it's finished sometime in 2012.

One last thought...
While we never got to see Baby Doll dance, I think maybe this is okay. I would be very disappointed to discover that the dance that mesmerized the bad guys so deeply was only the Macarena.

Terrified of the world I would be transported into if I tried to dance,
Deeesher

Greatly Disturbing The Force

2011-02-10T00:29:00.000-08:00

Many people think that since I used to have a goofy Star Trek picture on my profile, I am one of those 'anti-Star Wars fans. To them, I say bah! In fact, for many reasons I may be a bigger Star Wars fan, (mostly considering how disgusting the Star Trek franchise has been in the last few years… please don't make me hurt you J.J Abrams!).

So due to my high nerd status, you can imagine how eagerly everyone is waiting on my review of Star Wars: Clone Wars.

This is only sort of from Lucas the Hutt, (oh come on people… have you seen how he's let himself go?!).

I say sort of, because he only came up with the idea and did nothing else beyond signing the checks.

This one could also be called Episode two and a half, stuck somewhere between Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith. Mostly it deals with Obi-Wan, Anakin, and his new Padawan Ahsoka Tano, (who is actually kind of cute in a young alien Togruta sorta way).

Originally debuting in the theater, I was eager to see a new Star Wars movie like any self-respecting nerd, (even if it is digitally animated), but I sensed a great disturbance in the force… or actually maybe it was just in the hard chiseled look of the characters. I mean seriously people, why do they seem to look like they were modeled after Mount Rushmore???

If this were 1998, the look of this movie would have been very cutting edge, and show an amazing advancement, but it seems like nobody at Lucasfilm has ever heard of Square Enix! Check out the recent character for Final Fantasy XIII.

Not only does the Clone Wars animation look like blocks of wood, they moved like they had a stick up their ass. I will confess, the Clone Troopers looked very good, as well as the droids and most of the environments, but the harsh rigid look of the characters really took away from any realism the movie and series could have had.

Sadly, this was not my only problem. Why do we have to endure no-name voice actors for most of the characters we are very familiar with??? Maybe I could have accepted one person not being available, but the majority of the characters were read by someone else. The only exceptions were Samuel L. Jackson (Mace Windu), Christopher Lee (Count Dooku), and Anthony Daniels, (duh). I mean seriously, are Hayden Christensen (Anakin) and Ian McDiarmid (Palpatine) that busy these days or was Lucas the Hutt holding out the credits on them??

But wait, there's more…!

Star Wars has certain expectations that are ingrained into your brain from many years of Lucas the Hutts brainwashing of the masses. First and foremost, one name: John Williams. You know the score, (um… pun intended), as soon as you see the Star Wars title, you expect to hear a certain theme song. Denied! Fine, you want to use a different composer, but just give me the freakin' opening credits people! Beyond this glaring faux pas, the rest of the music was actually fairly decent and had a different feel from anything John Williams had done. But I could not forgive them for instantly reminding me this did not feel like Star Wars.

The pain continued to build when I was also denied any type of opening scroll to read. Maybe I don't come to a movie to read, but the opening scroll is another expectation in the Star Wars universe. Instead, we were given a very cheesy narration to explain the status of the galaxy. At this moment, I almost walked out thinking I was in the wrong theater.

And at no point does anyone say, "…I've got a bad feeling about this." Although, they did say it twice in Episode IV, so maybe that will make up for this one.

By now maybe you're thinking there is nothing good about Clone Wars. Well, that's not entirely true. It feels a bit obvious the movie was made more for kids, who I think will really enjoy it. It does have a lot of good solid action scenes, and the story is fairly decent, even if it is a bit simple. Many of the new characters are also very interesting.

Is all that enough to save it? Eh…

On the other un-severed hand... the television series based on the Clone Wars movie is featured on Cartoon Network. Somehow it works better on a smaller screen, (assuming you're like me and aren't rich enough to afford the 60 inch DLP). The stories are 30 minutes (well, after commercials maybe 20 minutes) and each one continues to the next episode. I still feel the same way about the look of the animation, but the stories are actually pretty decent for the most part and add a good amount of action. In later seasons, they've realized maybe their fans are growing up (or already grown up), and started writing for this type of audience. If you're eager for your lightsaber fix, and want to know what happened between Episode 2 and 3, check it out... but try to overlook the block design of the characters please.

In the meantime, let's talk about Square Enix again shall we?

Mmmmmm… *insert digitally enhanced drool here*
Deeesher

Something To Scream About

2011-02-10T00:22:00.000-08:00

I love my survival horror video games! Oh sure, I enjoy my Tomb Raiders, and God of War types but I can never get enough decent …boo’s. I guess I just enjoy being scared. I don’t mean ‘threat of nuclear war’ scare, or ‘why won’t this rash go away?!’ scare. I’m talking good old fashioned ghosts and monsters type of frights.

So when Deadspace was released (for Xbox, PS3, and PC), I thought this could be right up my dark demented alley. You play as Isaac Clarke (named after sci-fi authors Isaac Asimov and Arthur C. Clarke), who is part of a rescue team sent into deep space to figure out what happened to the mining ship, USG Ishimura. It seems they decided to stop sending communications after they brought a giant ancient artifact onboard. Maybe it had something to do with all the ships crew turning into disgusting monster/zombie/aliens.

There is a lot that is familiar in Deadspace because they borrow heavily from other horror movies and games. But is it an homage, or rip-off? I see bits of Event Horizon (one of my favorite movies), Silent Hill 2 (one of my all-time favorite games), Alien, and Bioshock sprinkled throughout. But this game seems to lack the soul of its source material. There are constant moans, groans, growls, rattles and bangs heard throughout the ship as it slowly falls apart around you, and there are plenty of ewwww moments as well. But is it as scary as a Silent Hill, or the Fatal Frame series (one of my other all-time favorites)? I think I jumped maybe twice during gameplay, (but I did so in a manly sort of way of course).

The overall story felt a bit drawn out to me, especially when you pretty much know how it’s going to end. And nothing is more annoying than being an errand boy, because everyone seems too lazy and/or terrified to walk out of their comfy safe zones to fix anything themselves. I spent most of the time just following the ‘objective path’ clicking on things without really knowing what I was doing or why.

They did do a lot of things right however. One of the best parts of this game is the way they keep you totally immersed in it. That means no opening up your inventory to catch your breath and get a quick health drink! Sure you can open your inventory, but it’s done as a heads-up-display. So while you’re enjoying a cool refreshing beverage, an alien/monster can tear your leg off. Even the cinematics are all rendered within the game, so there are no put-down-the-controller-and-watch-a-cool-movie moments, because you don’t know when things will suddenly throw you back into the action again. And yes, the visuals of the ship and space were very impressive, but I still miss the fully rendered movies.

I also enjoyed the over the shoulder camera for this game, (I prefer this style over a first person shooter, I guess because I want to see my hero getting his ass kicked). Once you get the hang of dismembering the alien/zombies, it is actually a lot of fun. There are a few different weapons available for purchase and upgrades, (purchase?!? Seriously?!? So in space, nobody can hear you scream but apparently they can hear you swipe your credit card!). Don’t worry too much about cash, because the monster/zombies carry tons of it so you can pick their pockets when they’re dead.

But most offensive to me, was the voiceless, faceless hero, Isaac. Didn’t we do this in Bioshock, Halo and Metroid? Being the strong silent type is one thing, but with so many interacting with him, why wouldn’t he speak?!? I want a hero with attitude I can look up to like Kratos, or Dante, or Lara Croft, or Mario… well, maybe not Mario so much. So Isaac as a character is a bit of a disappointment for me.

I would still recommend Deadspace, if you’re into this kind of thing. Maybe I’ve been a bit desensitized over the years and maybe for the average person, it is a terrifying game. There are also plenty of cool mini-games and replay-ability, (and the zero gravity stuff is a mix of fun and disorienting!). But seriously, for the current price of $29, how scary is that??

Moan groan growl rattle bangs… boo,

Deeesher

In Case You Missed It

2010-12-30T02:16:00.000-08:00

I say a lot of dumb things. Maybe years from now, psychologists can look at some of the things I've said, and conclude, "...well, there's your problem!". On the other hand, maybe future generations will study my writings and build a new society from the rubble of the old one, (and God help us all if this happens).

Most of my comments are posted as short silly Facebook Status Updates. Sometimes the world annoys and frustrates me, or sometimes I'm just making a nerd-inspired observation about the world around me. In the end, I always hope that I can make someone agree, or at the very least smile just a bit.

And please don't think this is a form of narcissism, or arrogance! One of the main reasons I'm doing this, is so I don't accidentally start repeating myself. But if you do find something you particularly enjoy, and want to use, I only ask that you give me credit, (cause I'm not making any money from this! But if you should feel so inclined...).

So it is with great pride, and shame I have logged a general digest of stupidity for you, in what I like to call:

Greetings Programs...

2010-12-21T01:13:00.000-08:00

Growing up, I never liked Disney. There... I said it. No, I haven't been brainwashed by Universal, but honestly, fairy tales and pixie dust just aren't my thing. However, occasionally Disney does slap together something impressive and non-animated, such as The Black Hole (1979), Dragonslayer (1980), and more recently The Pirates of the Caribbean series.

There is one particular Disney movie that has always been near and dear to my heart... Tron (1982).

Sure Tron was released years before I was born (as far as you know!), but it's a classic because it told an interesting and original (and fun!) story about what happens inside your computer. It stood out because it was the first movie to use computer effects to tell a story, which obviously spoke to computer geeks around the world.

Now almost thirty years later, we finally have a sequel: Tron Legacy.

Is it compatible with today's OS, or was it as painful as a blue screen of death... In 3-D...?

The story involves young Sam Flynn (Garrett Hedlund), who hasn't seen his father, Kevin Flynn (Jeff Bridges, and our hero from the first Tron) since he was a little brat. Sam grows up to be a bigger brat, pretty much hating 'the man' and fighting the evil establishment that his father's company has become, until one day he discovers how dangerous it is to click 'yes' on every pop-up on your computer. He accidentally gets transported into The Grid (aka inside the world of computers), and forced to play games to survive.

Fortunately for us, he finds his dad pretty much living as a Zen Monk. Unfortunately for everyone in The Grid, one of Flynn's older programs is seeking to destroy all imperfections... Including Users, (aka all of us).

Okay, it's not a great plot, (didn't we see Star Trek do this storyline once before?), but it's good enough to amuse my feeble brain, and it was nice to see some homage's to the original movie as well, (some more obscure than others). Just don't expect huge surprises or wild plot twists... Remember, this is still Disney folks.

What helps the story move nicely is Jeff Bridges, whether real or CGI, he is still very cool and managed to find the same spirit of the character he created in 1982. Another nice choice was actor Garrett Hedlund. Sure they could have picked Johnny Depp, or Shia Lebouf... But thank God they didn't! It was kinda nice seeing an unknown get a big break, and he was very believable as Kevin Flynn's son.

However the biggest nerdgasm goes to the effects! I reluctantly saw this in 3-D, (and we know how much I looooove that *cough*). But this time it worked! Unlike other 3-D attempts of the past, I could enjoy the action, and still kept things in perspective (pun intended). In your face Avatar!

I have total respect for the effects team, and conceptual artists for doing what they needed to do. They took the original 1982 ideas, and improved, not 're-imagined' them. And huge thumbs up to director Joseph Kosinski for letting me see the action, and feel completely immersed in The Grid, without any painful fast closeups and quick edits, or shadows trying to hide the beautiful world they created. My 125 minutes in the theater flew by!

Let us not forget the soundtrack by Daft Punk, adding the perfect tones to the visuals. In addition to the intense thundering sound effects of the giant Recognizer ships and light cycles, I think my eyes and ears discovered every frequency on the spectrum. I left the theater with the most exciting headache ever!

But... the reason you all hate me, is because somehow with all the surrounding coolness, I still find flaws, (however minor they may be). The movie is known as Tron, but we don't get as much from Tron (Bruce Boxleitner) as I would have liked. Sure he makes some appearances, but somehow I wanted a bit more.

And if I'm really nitpicking... the moment Sam gets zapped into The Grid was a bit anticlimactic for me. It just sort of happened, like an afterthought. As if maybe they spent all their money on other effects, and didn't consider for one moment the transition between our world and theirs should be a bit more momentous.

But what do I know...

I still can't decide between Quorra (Olivia Wilde)

And Gem (Beau Garrett)

And I know what you're thinking, “...Deeesher! Those outfits couldn't possibly be tighter!”. Oh yes... yes, I think they could be.

End of line.
Deeesher

The Fat Man Cometh...

2010-12-17T01:35:00.001-08:00

Holy crap, is it that time of year again??? Its like we celebrate Christmas every year or something. Ooops... sorry, I mean "The Holidays", because it seems the "C-Word" has become a dirty word.

If I sound a bit cynical towards "The Holidays", maybe its because I am. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the concept, its just our follow-through that seems to suck.

But lets look at how many more accidents there are on the roads at this time of year. Or how about the 'holiday cheer' being spread in any of the malls as people frantically push and shove each other for the last remaining PS3, so little eight year old Timmy can play Grand Theft Auto IV, despite the game being rated M, for Mature (18 years and up).

Let's look at all those joyous souls going deeper in debt so they can make someone happy... so they themselves can be miserable for the rest of the year as they continue to get late notices for their credit card bill and eventually have to shut off the cable, *cringe*.

Or how about all the endless feelings of stress and obligation everyone feels to visit the malls, and family and friends and bring them the perfect gift, or prepare the perfect meal. Or the frustration of employees trying to arrange for time off work, or angry demanding customers screaming in their face because they can't give them exactly what they want or need.

How about the incredibly high suicide rate during "The Holidays"? Does that do anything for ya homes?

Despite the fact that Christmas was intended as a Christian holiday to celebrate the birth of Jesus, we as a society have twisted this into something... unnatural. Something called Santa Claus, (...insert dramatic music here). Maybe its because December 25th was originally a Pagan holiday celebrating winter. Is all the evil and negativity in the world simply God's way of saying "...pick another day dumbass"?

Well, I for one do not need a calendar to tell me to do something nice for others.

But maybe it's just me. Perhaps I have a personal grudge against this time of year. A grudge that can be traced back to a single moment in grade school in the small mid-western town I grew up in.

I was in the front of the school bus, sitting with my best friend, Scott. We were in a heated debate over the existence of The Claus. I always knew there was no such thing as Santa. Maybe my parents didn't want to give me a twisted sense of reality. Or maybe I was just smart enough to figure out there is no way in hell its possible... since we had no fireplace for him to use. Or maybe its because I was nosy and had a bad habit of finding my presents before they were wrapped anyway.

While my friend and I endlessly debated, I decided to finish it and pulled out my trump card... ask an adult. In hind-sight, I should have known better than to ask a bus driver... but he was the only one around.

You can imagine the Christmas chill I felt when this obvious Harvard graduate bus driver told my friend and I, there IS a Santa. From that day forth, I swore I would have my revenge...!

For those reading with children, and you have chosen this moment to bring them into the real world... I present the following foray into logic, (which I did NOT write by the way... but I wish I had):

Santa Claus:

An Engineering Analysis

1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop our of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh an move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purpose of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75« million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding, etc.

This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 time the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, the conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting the "flying reindeer" (see point 1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload -not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

5) 353,000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.

Enjoy your eggnog,
Deeesher

To John, with Love

2010-12-08T00:11:00.000-08:00

I'm a 'Beatles person', as opposed to an 'Elvis person', (see Pulp Fiction deleted scene with Uma Thurman and John Travolta discussing which one he is. In a nutshell, you can like Beatles and Elvis, but you always prefer one over the other). Which is funny, because my parents are Elvis people, and my woman and her family are all Elvis people. I never really got Elvis, he was a performer, and didn't even write his own songs, (but don't try and tell an 'Elvis person' that).

Growing up in an Elvis house, I never got exposed to the Beatles. Of course I knew the classics like Hey Jude, and Let it Be, but I never heard Norwegian Wood, or I am the Walrus until I was 18. In my opinion, the songs that John and Paul put together are some of the most original, and catchy songs ever written/recorded, and Abbey Road is one of the best albums of all times.

I also believe John Lennon was one of the most fascinating people of all time. He was far from perfect, (as his exploits are documented often), but he had a gift, and a vision. Over the years, I have studied the Beatles, and John Lennon, (if you want to know more about John, watch the movie Imagine), and learned a great deal of respect and appreciation for him. That is why the following story is so special to me, even if it may not be true.

When I moved to the Orlando area, from Ft Lauderdale, I began searching for many things, like a decent place to find comic books. Because I didn't know the area that well, I went to a comic shop that was right around the corner from where I live. It was a small place, and they didn't have a lot of the comics that I collect, but I was desperate for my fix, so I kept going there.

One day, I was in his shop, and I saw on the floor the album Meet The Beatles mixed in with Frampton Comes Alive and Rumours, and other assorted cheese. I commented to the shop owner and ask if he knew what he had just laying on the floor, and he said
"...yes, are you a fan?"
I said yes, and he said,
"...hold on, I'll show you something."

From the back room, he pulls out the album Imagine and a wool lined wooden cup with glasses in it. He said he got these things from a guy who owed him money, and this was collateral until he could pay him, and here is his story:

Apparently, the guy got these items when he was staying in a hospital. One day an older man comes by and asks if he has an empty bed in his room, cause he was unhappy with his current hospital roommate. The guy said sure. A few days later, John Lennon came by to visit the older man. He thanked the guy for letting him stay in the room with him, and gave him an autographed album, and the wool cup with the glasses. John said they were an old prescription, so he didn't wear them anymore, and he could have them.

This was what the comic shop owner pulled out from the back room. I looked at the autograph on the album, and I have seen John's autograph, so I did recognize it, (although I am not a handwriting expert). The interesting thing about the autograph was what it said:

"To Mike, Love John Lennon"

It didn't say to Bob, or Jim, or Bill... it said 'To Mike'. Wow! I felt as if he had written it to me, (I know it wasn't... but hey, isn't it cool to think it was?)

And then came possibly the single most coolest moment of my life. I pulled out the glasses. They were the same glasses you see in the video for the song Imagine. They were yellow/gold tinted with round frames. I carefully put them on, and could feel my hands shaking when I did. I was looking through the eyes of John Lennon! They were a very thick prescription. It hurt to try and see, but as I looked down, I imagined holding a guitar, and standing in front of thousands of people at Shea Stadium. I took them off and gently put them back into the wool cup. I think it took a week to wipe the grin off my face.

I don't know if these were really John Lennon's glasses or not. It seems odd that something so significant would be sitting around a small comic shop in the middle of nowhere, and that a man would simply give someone these things as collateral... but remember, the name of the song?

Imagine

Deeesher

Exposing Politicians... But Not in a Gross Way!

2010-11-05T12:58:00.000-07:00

I hate talking about politics. I mean I really REALLY hate talking about politics. Because people are so painfully passionate about their views and convinced they are absolutely right, and everyone else is wrong. Most friendly debates just turn ugly because many people are so close-minded towards any type of suggestions that conflict with their own views. I try to avoid negativity and conflict, cause I want to get along with everyone, (delusional? Maybe, but it's um.... how I roll. Sorry you had to hear me use that phrase), and I really don't need the stress. So the two topics I generally avoid are politics and religion. I had a history teacher in high school that refused to talk about his political views because he said they should be very private and personal (*insert obvious sexual innuendo here*). As much as I disliked that history teacher, I really think that is a healthy way of thinking.

But the recent elections have inspired me, not in a good warm fuzzy sort of way, but in a why won't that rash go away sort of way. Partly because of what I saw on the TV and news daily (hourly!), and partly because of many comments on Facebook that seem uncomfortably hateful. Sure we are all frustrated with how things are done but I don't think you can blame ONE person or ONE party for ALL the problems in the world. And the one thing that I hate more than discussing religion or politics is outright stupidity and hate.

One specific party does not have all the answers. There I said it. Just because your candidate/party won this years election, don't expect to wake up in a million dollar home tomorrow. Don't expect people to miraculously get out of debt overnight. Don't expect the angels to start singing over the White House, (wait, that sounded like a religious comment. Sorry!). One problem is nobody is working together to a common goal. The people in power are constantly blocking others and making excuses why we can't do this or why we can't do that. Therefore forward momentum stops. As Gallagher pointed out years ago: “If "con" is the opposite of "pro", does that mean Congress is the opposite of progress .”

But the biggest issue we can NOT defeat in politics is money, power and misinformation.

A month or two ago, I made a silly joke about how politicians should earn minimum wage. One friend mentioned that politics was never intended to be a career, and after really thinking about it, that does make a lot of sense. With a simple modest paycheck, we could see who really cares and isn't just looking for the biggest endorsement. Every one of them will say anything to get elected, and once in office, just do whatever the heck they want, (“...Yay, I won! Now bring on the hookers!”).

Another issue that seems to be getting progressively worse each election year, is all the bashing of each candidates opponent. I am a firm believer that all this mudslinging in a political campaign needs to be illegal, so maybe we can hear what the candidates have in mind instead of just hearing how evil their opponent is. Whether taken out of context, misquoted, or maybe someone was just having a bad day. It just sucks hearing about Candidate X is eating babies, or Candidate Y is trying to kill you. How can you in good conscience vote for anyone in this scenario???

But who would put either a minimum wage proposal, or an anti-mudslinging proposal on a ballet? Nobody because it's how they thrive!

Now let's talk about the 'lower level' elections, (judges, sheriffs, superintendents etc), where all the bigger politicians get started. Most 'normal' Americans are never going to take the time and effort to truly research these people unless it's your friend running for the office. Most everyone is (unfortunately) lazy and needs to be spoon-fed the information, generally from the media... And we know how trustworthy that is!

But how can we get the entire country to get off their collective asses and do some research? You can't. It's a challenge for most people to put down their beer, bong, and/or crack-pipe, get off the couch and go to work some days. So what's the alternative? Blindly vote ALL Republican or all Democrat? Both parties are disgustingly antiquated. The ideals and concepts they started over 200 years ago worked well but we as a nation have grown up (and out?), and sadly the system does not fit so well in our society anymore, and even our girdle is busting it's seams. We see the proof of this every day. If the system worked so well, we would not be TRILLIONS of dollars in debt, seeing such huge unemployment rates, disgustingly high foreclosure rates and... how many wars are we in now? This all started long before Democrats took office.

The current system is flawed, and everyone blindly says “Get out and vote! It's our right and honor and privilege etc!” But how wise is it to fund this crook or that crook just to help them buy a new Lexus or another private jet, (ask McCain how many homes he has), while we get more and more frustrated and angry. And if someone does have the heart and soul to do the job correctly, they will be quickly overlooked and buried by the power and money and mass corruption currently in control.

Yes people are angry, and yes we need help, but these wild attacks on a specific party or one specific politician is not the answer. Just cause Fox News said it, doesn't mean its true, “These are not the droids you're looking for, and you really hate Democrats don't you...”.

Has Obama screwed up? Well, so far there are no dead hookers that I have heard about but maybe he is far from perfect *gasp*. Although I doubt you were perfect at every job you've ever had, (sadly his job is a bit more public). But people were angry and frustrated long before Democrats took over the White House, and they will be angry long after they leave. Did Bush screw up? Well... yes... but maybe the problem is much deeper, and maybe just MAYBE Obama wants to help and do the right thing. Or maybe he is the anti-Christ... could go either way.

Sorry I'll get off my soap box now, but I will accept endorsements... And I have never been caught with a dead hooker, nor have I ever wanted to eat a babies.

Now who wants to talk about religion...?

My name is Deeesher and I approve this blog.

Heavy Metals

2010-05-25T10:51:00.001-07:00

I recently got this very cool Moviefone app for my phone. With a quick punch of a button, I can see what's playing, show times, theaters, and even running times. Sure, I do miss the manly '...Hello! And welcome to Moviefone!' voice, but if I say it myself every time I use the app, it sort of makes up for it... because I sound that happy and manly too.

I used this app when I was looking for the IMAX version of Iron Man 2. With a spring in my step, I made my way to my local IMAX theater, only to discover one important flaw with my super-cool new app... It doesn't show am or pm! Surprise! Oh sure, I could have found another theater, or came back much much later, but it's rare I get out in public, and I didn't want to find that kind of courage to leave my home again. So I had to see Iron Man 2 on a frumpy old regular tiny baby-sized movie screen! How could I really enjoy a movie of this magnitude like that! I was obviously very concerned, and it didn't help that everyone had already told me how great this movie is, (and I have found if you have such huge-o-mongous expectations for a movie, it's guaranteed to disappoint!).

Despite all those hurdles and hardships for me to overcome, I freakin' loved it! Oh let me count the ways...

The story was fun and simple enough: Tony Stark deals with being a corporate success, as well as a superhero, with tons of money, and hot chicks, all while battling politics and people that want to kill him. The way his life mirrored my own was eerie!

It also helped that it was an action movie where you could see the action*gasp*! Jon Favreau rules! He figured out that a shaky camera, and ultra-fast edits, with the camera up the actors nose, just doesn't work! I hope other directors can get the hint...*COUGH*j.j. abrams*COUGH*michael bay*COUGH*

Robert Downey Jr, continues to be a very flawed and eccentric hero who is as much fun to watch this time as he was in the first Iron Man. And of course every hero needs a good memorable bad guy. This time, we get TWO! Both different, but you love to hate them all the same. Mickey Rourke as Ivan Vanko (Whiplash) who has come a long way from the pervert of 9 ½ Weeks, and Sam Rockwell (who we saw most recently going insane on the Moon), as the satisfyingly annoying Justin Hammer.

Oh and did I mention hot chicks? TWO yet again! Yummy Gwenyth Paltrow, (Pepper Pots), and equally as yummy Scarlett Johansson as the ass kicking Natalie Romanoff wearing her super sexy tight catsuit, (aka Black Widow, for the nerd elite).

I really liked the first Iron Man, but was 2 better? My crack staff of research scientists crunched all the numbers, and concluded... yes! It is slightly better! Mostly because they didn't need to focus on an origin story this time, so we could get right to the ass kicking.

Be sure to keep a close eye on this movie for more sneak peeks of the upcoming Avengers movie to be released in 2012. Personally, I think with so much build-up, and so many characters, this is destined to suck! Hey, is that a huge crowd of nerds gathering outside with torches and pitchforks shouting obscenities at me?

Maybe this will slow them down a bit...

Deeesher

Kick Me

2010-04-22T07:09:00.000-07:00

You kids have it sooo easy! When I was your age *said while waving my cane at you*, being a comic book geek was not so popular! I used to dream of a day when we would have 'kick ass' superhero movies. Now, after amazing hits like Spider-man, Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk, X-Men, Batman, (etc), I find myself seeing previews for a new comic adaptation and saying...WTF, another one?!?

That was my feeling when I saw the previews for Kick-Ass, (by the way, can I say that without offending anyone? Kick-Butt? Kick-Backside? Kick-Bottom? Kick-Buttocks?). Based on a comic book published by one of Marvel Comics lesser known divisions (Icon), my crack research staff (aka Wikipedia) has assured me that it is fairly close to the original storyline. But, while I am very excited about Iron Man 2, and a few other more 'traditional' superhero movies, Kick-Ass just looked goofy to me. I know, maybe it's supposed to be goofy, but I thought it sort of looked like Mystery Men (awesome but goofy Ben Stiller superhero movie), only not as funny. There are just so many mainstream comics with great storyline's, I just couldn't get excited about a silly one.

But generally, if you're not expecting too much from a movie, they usually catch you by surprise and impress the hell out of you. And it's true, I did enjoy it, but I do have some issues with it.

The story involves an average high school nobody, Dave Lizewski (Aaron Johnson) who wakes up one morning and says, "...I think I want to be a superhero, even though I'm a total wuss, with no fighting experience, or special weapons or powers or anything!".

Total respect for their examining my life in high school so closely, but (for me anyway), common sense always kicks in before getting your ass kicked... or even shot in the face. Bonus points for having your heart in the right place and wanting to do something about crime and injustice, but minus a million points for proving you're a freakin' moron!

And it didn't help there was nothing to grab me and make me root for him! No parents killed when he was walking home with them in a dark alley. No uncle shot by a bad guy he could have stopped. Not even a disability he was struck with and trying to overcome! I didn't care about our hero at all. This was one of the problems I had with Ang Lee's Hulk. I didn't care about Banner. But yet watch the 1978 television's The Incredible Hulk, and in the first episode, in the first two minutes, you care about this guy! I needed something to pull me in and captivate me, and reliving high school's woes was not enough for me. I wrote silly poems... he puts on a mask. Get over it kid.

But I know what you're saying (being psychic is one of my powers), "...but Deeesher, remember this is just a silly movie!".

Or is it?

There were some funny moments yes, but it does take some very serious turns. Which brings me to this soap box that I'm going to stand on for a bit...

What is a superhero? The underdog that wants to do the right thing. With great power comes great responsibility, but yet Kick-Ass says, "with no power comes no responsibility.". This is fine but maybe if your silly movie is taking so many serious turns, they need to remember you are still fighting for truth, justice and the American way. Are you really a true superhero if you stab all the bad guys or shoot them with a machine gun? Maybe Everyone was always eager for Wolverine to hack people to bits with his claws, but (unless things have changed recently), he never did. And maybe Punisher regularly shot people, but it's a well known fact he was unstable and seriously F'd up! The same could be said about Rorschach from Watchmen.

But I did say I enjoyed this movie! The narration was original and clever... oh wait, didn't we just do that a bit better in Zombieland last year? Anyway, the action was awesome, and seeing Hit-Girl (Chloe Moretz) kicking ass was fun. I liked the relationship with her and Big Daddy (Nicholas Cage). And did anyone else notice him channeling 1960's Adam West Batman's voice? Very funny! I was eager to hear him call someone 'citizen', or complain that some days you just can't get rid of a bomb. I also really liked Red Mist (Christopher Mintz-Plasse), and think he had the best storyline. Although, he will always be McLovin to me.

Maybe most of you are thinking I am being too nit-picky. Maybe I was just offended that we had a superhero movie, but nowhere did we have hot sexy women in spandex. I guess the best way to sum up my feelings is quoting one of my favorite superhero battle cries... "Spoooooon!" The Tick... there was an awesome but silly superhero!

Ask Alice...

2010-04-14T06:59:00.000-07:00

In October 2000, a PC game was released called Amercan McGee's Alice, based loosely on the original Alice in Wonderland where Alice is a murderous psychotic. The game was okay, but the characters and story were amazing!

Tim burton's new movie was sadly not based on that game.

However, Burton does give us a very cool and twisted film!

I've always had a love/hate relationship with Burton. The love consists of Beetlejuice, and the hate... his re-imagining of Planet of the Apes. But he's won my affection this time by making Alice a very colorful artistic and fun movie. Visually, I think Burton has been making the same movie for over 20 years now, and seeing it in 3-D didn't really make it look much different or better, (*insert my rant about hating 3-D glasses here*).

But it helps when he hires the likes of (again) Johnny Depp (as The Mad Hatter), and (again) Helena Bonham Carter (playing awesomely over-the-top as the The Red Queen). Also Alan Rickman... will not... disappoint, (please read the previous line in your best Alan Rickman impersonation for the full effect) as The Blue Caterpillar. And it also helps that Alice (Mia Wasikowska) is quite a cutie!

The story is simple and straightforward, (although some of the dialogue is a bit difficult to follow because of some thick accents and many made up words), but it really makes you curious about reading the original books. Reading... What a concept!

Everyone knows I love to rip apart movies but I really can't find any flaws here, but at the same time I couldn't find any particular '...wow!' moments either, but I still really enjoyed it.

Actually, there was one '...OMG OMG OMG!' moment in the version I saw. A preview for Tron 2: Legacy! I hope you excuse me as I giggle and clap like a little girl now...

Deeesher

The End is Near... Again!

2010-03-22T05:35:00.000-07:00

It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel... exhausted. Because when the world finally ends, it will consist of lots of last minute pulse pounding escapes. Of course I'm talking about the DVD release of 2012.

Sure, I could have seen it in the theater but sometimes you just can't justify the expense for a movie that you're pretty sure is going to suck. And sometimes, seeing it in the comfort of your home makes a so-so movie, just a bit better.

Roland Emmerich loves destroying the world. He did it in Independence Day, and again in The Day After Tomorrow. This time we can blame earths destruction on ancient Mayan geologists who predicted the world would end on December 21, 2012. Apparently their computers were better than ours, cause we didn't figure it out until 2009 when this movie begins. I'd like to think ancient Mayans used a Mac.

Overall, 2012 looked very impressive, (maybe they should have tried the 3-D release? Although I am still cringing at the thought of 3-D nerd glasses!). It is important to shut off your brain while watching this movie because Mythbusters has easily disproved many of the action sequences... but its still fun to watch a Winnebago leap over a ten foot chasm etc. And don't get me wrong, not every scene is a fantastic escape! A few people unexpectedly die in this movie... give or take a few billion.

One of the people trying to survive is John Cusak, who finally makes an appearance after a much needed break from staring in every movie released from 1985 to 1992. And surprisingly, he acts exactly like John Cusak through the entire film. It was awesome to see Woody Harrelson as survivalist/conspiracy theorist, even if he didn't have to kill any zombies this time.

The biggest drawback of 2012, is that its long, (158 minutes!). Seriously?! It takes that long to destroy the earth?!? And when you're not balancing on the edge of your seat, we have intense moments of sap. I completely understand why those moments are needed but, they often just felt forced, uncomfortable and overly drawn out between the action.

None of that made it a bad movie though. There was however, one other glaring flaw. At one point, they are trying to save all the worlds great treasures. But I did not see anyone packing up my blogs! Oh where is the justice?!

The Love Boat Conspiracy!

2010-02-16T07:32:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine recently asked me a very important question:
"...Why if Captain Stubing was such a great Captain, never commanded a starship like the Enterprise?"

Well young Bradley, I'm glad you asked. The Love Boat Conspiracy, (aka Love Boat-Gate) goes deep into the politics of 1970's television, (Fortunately these politics do not affect our tv today).

Like the show Lost, week after week the crew of The Love Boat were desperately trying to find an island... Fantasy Island to be specific. Mr. Roarke, (Ricardo Montalban) kept his Fantasy Island well hidden so he could focus on his plans for world domination before eventually changing his name to Khan Noonien Singh, (aka Khaaaaaaan!!!).

Each week, the crew of the Love Boat had many dangerous trials and difficulties to overcome as Khan would constantly throw new challenges at them. Unfortunately many scenes were cut due to the network wanting to focus more on celebrity guests, feeling the character of Khan would never catch on.

The final episode shows the crew finally capturing Khan just as he was about to launch nuclear missiles at the US and Russia. With unprecedented, never-before-seen on television ninja skills, Gopher, (Fred Grandy, who did all his own stunts for the show), managed to swoop in from the shadows, stopping Khan at the last minute finally imprisoning him and his army onto an experimental cryogenics ship called the Botany Bay, where they stayed in suspended animation until Captain Kirk revives him years later, (as seen in the classic episode Space Seed... originally titled Return of the Love Boat Villain).

Sadly, Captain Stubing, (Gavin MacLeod) was killed in the last episode when he discovered Doc, (Bernie Kopell) was a double agent.

But all the outtakes and deleted footage were buried and labeled classified after Gopher became a state senator, never again to be shown publicly.

Yoda however never appeared... cause that would just be silly.
Deeesher

Have You Seen It Yet?!?

2010-02-09T09:39:00.000-08:00

Six months ago, whenever I saw previews or a poster for this movie, I would say, "...this is what everyone will be talking about next year!", and they would look at me like a freak, (okay, maybe more than normal). But, as usual, I am a visionary, because six months later, I am sick of hearing about this movie!

Of course I am talking about the new James Cameron epic, Avatar.

The story is simple enough, (maybe too simple?). We the humans, continue to prove what jerks we are by trying to take over a planet we found and kicking out the natives. I'm sure there was a deleted subplot where the humans give them blankets infested with smallpox. We've seen this story before from Dances with Wolves, to Pocahontas, to Return of the Jedi, (remember the Ewoks?). It really is a fill in the blanks type of script. Someone please tell me why this won a Golden Globe Award for Best Drama?!?

I will however give this the Deeesher Stamp of Approval for a few things though.

Huge thumbs up to James Cameron for giving us a real sci-fi movie, with interesting, unusual environments, and strange, original looking creatures and aliens. Recently, we've seen lots of superhero movies, and lots of horror, but nothing good from outer space since last years Star Trek. And before that...?

Sam Worthington (the main good guy, Jake Sully) could have been replaced by a talking monkey, (maybe he would have been more interesting then?), but I did enjoy Zoe Saldana, (Neytiri). She apparently has the best agent in Hollywood, because last year she was Uhura on Star Trek. Also Stephen Lang, (Col. Quaritch) and Giovanni Ribisi (Parker Selfridge), made good bad guys you could enjoy hating. Oh and Sigourney Weaver (Dr. Augustine) was in it too I guess... whatever.

But the star of Avatar was the special effects. I see billions of awards being given to this movie for the effects.

Legally, you have to see this movie in Imax 3-D, or all your friends will verbally abuse you. I was a bit extra excited about seeing it since I finally got contacts that work, (cause I couldn't get the full effect of 3-D wearing glasses). I will admit, it looked freakin' awesome... most of the time. Unfortunately, there were times when I couldn't focus on the 3-D because of the action. I found myself thinking a few times, "...but I don't want it to be in 3-D anymore!".

Which brings me to another point. Why, in the year 2010, with all our flying cars, and personal robots, and weather control machines, why are we still using glasses to see 3-D?!? I was eager to see this amazing cutting edge film in a huge theater on a giant screen with my new contacts, only to sit there like a dork with hundreds of others wearing cheap plastic nerd-inspired glasses! Can someone get to work on this please?

In the meantime, I've said it before, and I'll say it again... Mmmmm Zoe...

*insert blue balls joke here*
Deeesher